Father?
There is your goddamn evidence.
Is it over?
The light! Give me the light!
Heavenly God!
We are fucked.
No, no, no. You can ask me anything you like.
So, we're here to talk about exorcism.
I beg your pardon? Exorcism.
Exorcism is extremely rare.
A ritual that requires training and faith
and the authorization of a bishop.
But let's not confuse faith with superstition.
It is impossible to deny the existence of demonic phenomenon.
As much as we try to shuffle off on brain chemistry or psychology,
demons move among us.
This is fact.
No, no, no, no.
The idea that debauchery and evil
can be confronted and defeated
by greater debauchery and evil is heresy.
Any rumors of some sort of team of hell bound exorcists are just that.
They simply do not exist.
So, yeah. The Pope's dead. He was a pious guy.
No idea who the new boss will be,
and how it will roll down on the parish.
You're a dog.
Page four news. Ain't that some shit?
Sad state of the world, man.
Hope Angus doesn't let it ruin his birthday.
We really wanted to go whole hog this year.
You know, tie one on, drag it around until it is dead.
Angus loves cake like a fat kid, so I got to get him a cake.
Problem is, cake ain't exactly a sin.
A little bit of gluttony maybe,
but that is some candy-ass sinning.
Hey! That's mine. That's my paper.
Oh, it's cool. I will get it back to you.
But it's mine. You just can't...
Hey, you want to come down here and fucking do something about it?
Father! I ain't your fucking dad!
You do not mess with a man of God.
But I found this place you can get cake
that ain't just some bullshit cardboard thing, but an actual cake.
With a stripper jumping out of it, which makes it a sinful cake
and puts us on the work budget.
Hi, Miss Rainey.
Wow, look at that.
Is the girl inside already? No, she doesn't get in until the party.
Mmm.
What are you up to? You know, a little lust.
Little sloth.
Cool. Little envy on this end.
We had sex once. Once. Ages ago.
Eleven months ago on Tuesday.
It was my second night here. It was a passionless affair.
First time I tried crack.
Guys! I am trying to concentrate here.
I'm married. Penelope, my wife...
I mean, we are mad about each other. Like teenagers, really.
I am going to be sick.
Hey, babe.
I was going to fry some eggs.
Do you want some eggs? I want to go home.
Mmm.
What's good, Erik? I wasn't doing anything.
That's cool.
Oh, my God. I hate him so much.
I hate Larry so much.
Like Nazi cancer hate.
Can you believe that Elizabeth had sex with him?
Him? Fuck!
That's so messed up.
Expenditures have to match transgression, especially with a new Holy Father.
I mean, we have all been falling behind.
I don't think any of us are damnation ready except for Angus and I.
You? You're more damnation ready than me?
Yes, sure I am. How do you figure?
I mean, look, gluttony, wrath, pride.
You're pretty solid, but you've got one count...
One count of lust.
Granted, you were cheating on your wife, but it's over a year old.
That's not going to fly, Larry. You can't go to hell...
Speak of the devil. Yeah, this applies to you too, Elizabeth.
Last six months, you have been here for some gluttony, pretty constant mast...
Mast... You know, just all sorts of stuff.
Nothing serious. You are still new here...
I am a woman and you're a Catholic, everything I do is a sin.
How are you sinning more than me, huh?
You are not going to pull that whole shellfish in Leviticus shit on me, are you?
Stephen, what the fuck, man?
It's wrath.
Hey, Cecilia is here. You hit like a girl.
What? Your stripper.
You asshole. What the hell was that for?
Wrath. Wrath.
Wrath.
Stop flapping your cocksucker at me,
you god-forsaken slug stain of Onan.
A good Pope just died, and the new Pope is a faggot.
This world is fucked for salvation.
Sure. But me and the guys, we put a little birthday thing together.
Christ's birthday ain't for another week!
Christmas? Angus, it's April.
Your birthday is today.
Hmm.
Augustine Interfaith Order of Hellbound Saints, Brooklyn Parish.
That's Bernard Weinberg.
Hand me the fucking phone!
Bernard Weinberg? You sure?
Ah.
Yes, understood, Your Excellency.
Rabbi Weinberg. Fuck.
They said he was a librarian.
A rabbi is a rabbi is a rabbi.
The laws of man mean shit to the Prince of Darkness.
Men of God are Satan's Pearl Harbor.
It's where he starts wars.
I am going to need a second. Who is damnation ready?
I'm five for seven. Get your kit.
So my partner took the one witness he had down to the hospital.
They think they can get the four fingers
re-attached back on to his hand
if they can get them out of him in time.
Not sure about the fifth finger.
No flashing lights, no helicopters. We don't want the press.
Hey, hey, I get it.
Don't worry.
I'm gonna have to lock you guys in there.
If I do not hear anything by dawn...
I am going to have to call in SWAT team.
If we are not out by dawn, burn the whole fucking building down.
And here, in case you find the other finger.
Oh, and there is an ear. There should be an ear in there, too.
Okay?
Are you damnation ready? Absolutely?
Uh...
You got any Eucharist?
Fuck you, cracker.
I'm ready.
What the hell?
Oh, shit!
Where is my master?
Shit!
I command you!
In the name of God!
Once and for all consign that fallen tyrant into the flames of hell!
We know what you like.
Christ compels you back into the pit!
- And all your whores, Father Anus... - Strike terror, Lord, into the...
- beast laying waste your vineyard! - you sodomite!
You are as steeped in filth as any of the damned!
Abso-fucking-lutely!
And I will see all you cocksuckers in hell.
I got him! Do it!
I compel you, unclean spirit, and all your minions...
I command you to obey me!
I, a minister of God,
despite my unworthiness...
Larry, holy water. I only brought one.
Oh.
Help me! Where is my master?
Judas!
My master wants a man of God!
He will get one.
What are you doing?
We're going to hell together. No!
Take me. I welcome you in.
You and all your minions.
I had to find the Bible section.
King James, motherfucker!
Let's finish this.
I am only the hound of Surtr.
Good for you. Send us a postcard from hell, huh?
Let him talk. I am only the hound of Surtr.
I flush the game.
Where is my master?
Thirty pieces of silver for your services.
My master wants a man of God.
A weak man of God.
Lawrence.
Fuck you, Satan!
No, stop! No, no, no, stop!
Oh, fuck!
Toes for a thumb! Toes for a thumb!
Rub Mommy's feet, Larry.
Bring Mommy a glass of wine.
Angus!
It's done.
Jesus, he bit your toe off. Man, you are some detective.
Hey, don't be an asshole!
I'm borrowing your mace.
What in the name of God...
What the fuck were you doing, Weinberg?
What? What?
Angus?
Call me Father. I am doing God's work.
Did you summon a fucking demon? And what the fuck is all this about?
We're still here. We're still here.
Hey, give me that! I am shackled to this asshole.
Hey, lay off that. Don't touch me.
I had a vision.
This city...
The whole country was on fire.
Oceans burnt.
Surtr cracked the gates.
Flames swallowed the world.
Surtr. What is that? It's like kabbalah or something?
Surtr is an old god.
Norse, I think. A bad one.
He revels in blasphemy.
So I gave him a man of Adonai,
days after the death of your pope.
He should have taken me.
Yeah, well, you fucked that up.
You got ridden by some pissant jerk-off of a demon,
complaining about who his master was.
Why didn't he take me? It's time to burn.
He is a macaroon.
I was wrong.
Thank God, I was wrong.
The Church certainly has some troubles in the modern world, eh.
But they're still powerful.
It can still cover up a story.
So tell us about the library incident.
The library incident
was a kairotic moment in the spiritual fabric of the world.
We had been tracking Norse blasphemies since the late '90s,
following a chain of arson and murder across the Netherlands
committed in the name of Surtr.
We had expected a return. We had no idea how bad it would get.
Oh, monkey fuck!
I think he looks like a pretty good pope.
If you like secular Philistine money-changing cocksuckers.
I think he looks nice. Everything is going to change.
Doorbell! I'll get it. I'll get it.
Doorbell! Yeah, yeah.
Hello, I'm Clint LaPierre.
I am here under the auspices of the Brooklyn Diocese.
Oh, welcome, welcome. Please.
Everyone, this is Clint. The Bishop sent him.
What's good, Clint?
I need to speak to the senior deacon.
Yeah, you do not want to talk to Angus, man.
What's that smell?
Did you know there was never any super heroes named Clint?
Did you?
I need to speak to whosever in charge.
There's a new Holy Father
and the Bishop has received orders directly from the top.
We have to clean our house... Shut up. Shut up.
and you, Augustine Hellbound Saints.
There's next to nothing in the official records.
So, again...
Who's in charge? Uh...
This guy right here. He is the man.
Hi.
Reverend Stephen Vargas. You can call me Stephen.
Reverend. The Rev.
Just rub that in, that's lotion. This way.
This way. This way.
Can I go down on you?
No. Come on!
I will.
How do you do?
Thirty years... Shit! He's 30 years off!
Angus, I'd like to introduce you to...
Get this cocksucker out of my sight.
What? I'm working!
Who do you think you're talking...
Who does he think he is talking to? I can spot a cocksucker in a lineup.
That guy is as good as wearing a crotch wool vandyke.
Where's Larry?
Larry!
I just can't sit at home thinking about what you are doing here.
I already have... Oh, baby, come on.
No, no, no. No, I already have too many directions that I can backslide into.
Shit, I just...
Larry! Yeah, of course I want you at home.
Larry, look, I need your eyes.
I'm in the middle of something right now.
Weinberg said he was trying to summon Surtr.
S-U-R-T-R.
The architect of Ragnarok, the old Norse Apocalypse,
would be specifically targeting men of God.
But the enumerating cocksucker fucked the math!
It should have shown up 30 years ago!
Now, this part... What's he talking about?
Old gods.
Worse than demons or the damned. Larry...
Old gods? That's... That's blasphemous!
That's our job, you android.
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
I am on the seduction message board.
It's about how if you insult a girl,
but then you give her an expensive gift,
then she is honor bound to let you go down on her.
Or did you mean the thing with the brick?
Oh, I am conditioning my knuckles for direct striking capabilities.
Are you the only sane one here?
Oh, I do a lot to hold this place together.
Cream?
Yeah.
Macon, you in there?
Clint... Mr. LaPierre would like to ask you some questions.
Macon?
He is a napper. He naps.
If he is gone, I can just show you some of his stuff.
Macon, I am opening the door.
Oh!
Oh, hey guys.
In or out? The rabbit is going to escape.
Thanks.
So, yeah, we could be doing things a lot more efficiently.
But the closest we have to somebody in charge is Angus.
I mean, he's not the manager type, you know?
Did you go to school for management? No. What's this?
This is our sin ledger. It's how we make sure we are damnation ready.
Seven Deadly Sins, Ten Commandments.
We try to... Well, I try to make sure
that everybody is at least four and six in.
Four and six? Sins. We're sinners.
But you're supposedly men of God.
Exactly.
And for the demons who can't get cast out, sort of a nuclear option.
If you have tried everything else, you can always invite possession
and take the devil to hell with you through suicide.
But you got to deserve hell, right?
I mean, you can't even get possessed
unless you are in a morally compromised state.
Okay, let me understand this.
You live a life of sin to get possessed
and then kill yourself and literally drag a demon back to hell?
There's no other way.
We're willing to make that sacrifice.
I don't... I don't under...
Clint?
No. No, no, no. No, no!
It takes a great deal of discipline. Yeah, I do most of the record keeping.
I mean, I am really the only one that even bothers.
Hold on.
It looks Larry has been slacking off.
We should check on this. Come on, this way.
Hey.
Hey, Stephen, I am stealing something, man.
You put it in the book.
Oh!
"If a vortex of sin cracks the gates of hell,
"the righteous blood sacrifice breaks them wide."
Right. Righteous, righteous. That would mean man of God.
So Surtr would possess a man of God, a priest,
and then sacrifice himself to shatter the gates of hell.
Knock, knock.
So, guys, me and Clint were going through the records...
And Larry, you haven't been keeping up.
I mean, if somebody were to perform last rites while you were dying,
it would be enough maybe for admittance to purgatory.
Judas.
Why?
I mean, why bother even keeping records
if not to know if we are losing discipline?
I think you would want to know that he is not performing
at his best ability. I mean, look!
All right, all right, I have been falling behind.
Thanks for the heads up. Penelope has been going to AA.
I'm... I'm just trying to be there for her. Fucking what?
She thinks she has a problem. Her?
She has a problem? Yeah.
You need to put spirituality before uxorial guilt.
And discipline before all!
I'm sinning all the time. All I do is sin, man.
Fuck your driveling misdemeanors! I'm talking about quality of sin here.
Murder. Infidelity.
When was the last time you cheated on your wife?
Eleven months ago.
Boy, I had to pay for that one.
"Hellbound" and "saint" are not words to be taken lightly.
Now, you must be looking for every opportunity for sin.
Hmm. Here, take this.
It's orange. I mixed in my stool supplement.
You drink that to the dregs, sodomize Macon, and then you talk to me about duty.
Macon! Come down here!
And somebody answer the goddamn Bishop line!
I got it.
Are you all right? I'm fine.
Augustine Interfaith Order of Hellbound Saints, Brooklyn Parish.
Macon! Bring lotion!
Right, now, the vortex... Thank you, Your Excellency.
Exorcism call.
A woman named Hobbick in Cobble Hill says she inherited a demon.
Inherited? That's what she said.
Sounds like bullshit. Where is Macon?
He's in his ghetto sauna.
All right, take him with you. Oh, thank Christ.
No! No you will not!
You do not represent this church.
You are all an abomination against man, law, God!
I will do everything in my authority
to make sure that I see your resignations
and that you are excommunicated by the Sabbath.
Can I borrow the MetroCard?
Yeah, look, it's a monthly, so hang onto it, all right?
You don't...
Hey! Be careful, okay?
Fuck off, Larry.
Macon, we got a job. Mmm? Mmm.
Liz?
What's up, Erik? Hey.
Hey, we're trying to get out the door here, so...
Oh, yeah. I got this lucky chain for you.
Oh. Um...
It's... It's like a gift. It's like a necklace.
Real silver. A lot of carrots, you know. No big deal.
That's really sweet. Thank you.
It's... It's really nice.
Thanks.
We should... We should get going.
Yep.
All right. Okay. Mmm-hmm.
Enjoy that.
You stupid slut... Oh, fuck! Fuck!
Axel, my husband, was a minister.
Presbyterian at the San Ambrose at 95th Street?
I'm not even sure Presbyterians believe in exorcism.
Everybody's got demons, Mrs. Hobbick.
But we're here to help.
Well, he died three days ago.
The few buildings we owned, I inherited.
Where is it?
In the mongoloid.
Do you mean like North Asian or are you being inappropriate?
A mongoloid man-child.
It's in the boiler room.
Castro says he's been there since he started the job.
Twelve years. I had to go back 17 more
in my husband's journals.
The boy was possessed, and Axel couldn't help him,
so we thought the best thing we could do
was to put him somewhere where he wouldn't hurt anyone.
In there.
Wait.
Twenty-nine years?
You're saying he has been down here for three decades?
He was six when it started.
We're going in.
He's crying.
Hey, look at the collar. It's iron.
Old European witchcraft. A binding spell.
Smurbots. I used to love these.
He used to be a child.
No. The boy is the prison.
We can't do anything with that collar on him.
Who could do that to a child?
Macon?
Macon! You with me?
Name yourself.
What's your name?
Christ compels you. Name yourself.
Your name!
In Christ's name, who are you?
Get ready.
I adjure you, ancient serpent,
by the judge of the living and the dead,
by your creator...
By that which has the power to consign you to hell.
Depart forthwith in fear
along with all your savage minions, from this servant of God.
Tremble before the might of God
that has broke asunder the prison walls and led souls forth to light.
Excuse me!
Fuck you!
Motherfucker! Motherfucker!
You motherfucker!
Fuck your parents! Fuck your Smurbots!
You whore spawned piece of shit!
You do not fuck with the Hellbound Saints!
You are fucked for life!
You fucking mongoloid rotten-breath motherfucker!
How do you fucking like this, huh? I will fucking kill you!
You...
You're a fuck.
Fuck!
You are a fuck, you fucking asshole!
Goddamn motherfucker!
Look at what you did to my face.
Exorcise this piece of shit.
In the name of the power of creation commands you.
In the name of God...
Flee in shameful defeat from the word made flesh.
Fall and be judged in fire.
Take off the collar.
The power of Christ compels you.
The church of man compels you.
In the name of God be gone!
Shit.
In God's name, who are you?
In the name of God!
Oh. Did you finish?
Oh!
Stop!
Go back to hell.
In the name of that is everything holy.
God is my shepherd.
I am not afraid. I am not afraid.
Take me.
I welcome you.
Take me.
No.
Little kids?
What's wrong with you, man? Women.
Oh, yeah, okay. No doubt, no doubt.
So I used to know this chick, right?
Oh, shit!
Tomorrow.
Mommy!
I was him for a moment.
I could see the edges, the tinder under the weave, and how it will all burn.
The Messiah was inside me and upon me.
And he was right, the fire is good.
Your god is only one of many, and weak and arrogant,
and deserves the flame, and the knife, and the grave.
Who's this Messiah character?
Surtr.
Where's Elizabeth at?
They smile at each other.
Where's Elizabeth?
The dawn after...
Surtr will burn this world down to the truth.
Glory, glory.
Hey! Hey!
Where the fuck is Elizabeth at?
Dead and dying.
Like everyone else in this tinder stick city.
A teenager is charged with 19 criminal acts
including rape, robbery...
Macon's out of the ICU.
Doctor tried to pull that shit one me that he was lucky to be alive.
Just get him out of there.
Hospitals are Satan's brothel.
The widow wouldn't tell me where Elizabeth was.
Elizabeth's gone.
So we get her back. It's what we do.
No, what we do is send demons to hell, no matter what the cost is.
She wasn't strong enough to cut her own throat, so now the knife is in our hands.
Wait... You want to kill her?
She's one of us, Angus. It's Elizabeth!
It's not Elizabeth. You do not name the veal calf.
If she had had half the discipline this job requires, she would be in hell right now,
and that demon would be right there beside her instead of out fucking the world.
She shat the bed, Larry.
No, we have to get her back. We have to find her.
Is this your pudenda talking? My what?
So, you two copulated once without conceiving...
Which is bullshit in the eyes of God, by the way.
We... We lost her.
She's not the first.
I have been at this a long time.
I have seen too many good men die.
We stand up for each other.
What we share is discipline.
You give up on that, and you give up on faith.
And then you are not a Hellbound Saint. Hell, you are not even a priest anymore.
Hey, fuck you.
Surtr is out there right now.
He is a God killer looking for the edge of hell.
This is no time for weakness.
Get your head straight or you get the hell out of our way.
Give up on her, Larry.
You hear me?
Give up on her, or the hell with you.
Angus.
Come on, here. Look, see?
Get out of my fucking sight! Go!
Walk out of this church with your eyes on the fucking floor.
Pussy!
Jesus Christ!
You're awake.
You're drunk. Rough day.
You're always drunk.
It's my job.
How am I going to not drink when you smell like whiskey?
It's... It's my job.
Well, you are going to have to choose.
We lost track of the female minister.
But she left a clear enough trail.
Fires, blasphemies, a few corpses. But a lot more missing persons.
What's your name? Dozens, then hundreds...
Ordinary people walked away from their lives and just vanished.
You said you were just going to help us get reorganized, be more efficient.
What is going on? He's shutting us down.
He says it's from the Bishop.
You all slander the Church and everything it stands for.
Read your Bibles.
Jesus Christ closed the gates on hell when he ascended.
You believe in God, but you doubt hell?
I believe in Jesus Christ, so I know there's no hell.
So, there is no need for embarrassments like yourself
running around escorting demons back to a place that doesn't exist.
This is a sign of contradiction!
We have real priests authorized by the Vatican to deal with anomalies.
Those are dated the eleventh.
You have until dusk to vacate the premises.
The eleventh?
Fucking damnation! The birth of Christ!
Do not take his name in vain.
Don't you talk to me about vanity, you fucking worm.
God damn it!
Piss! Shit and piss!
Larry, this is not from the Bishop, it is from Opus Dei.
The Bishop wishes to maintain his distance.
Those are registered to the Church and the city.
Opus Dei? You are not even clergy?
We don't take orders from the fucking laity.
Your budget's frozen, the Church cuts all ties.
You don't know what you are doing.
It's already done.
You motherfucker!
Sorry.
Well, shit.
I can't believe I was so nave.
Naive.
Whatever.
I thought he just wanted to help us manage things.
Assholes, elbows, bibles and ropes! We've only got until midnight.
And then what?
Then hell rises up and swallows everything.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Stephen, what the fuck are you doing?
You leper's remnant in Lot's dowry pouch.
Mind the ledger, make sure the rest of these cock mane flossers are ready for hell!
What is the last sin you committed?
Discouraging thoughts. We're going to war, man.
You got to fuck, or steal, or covet something.
Keep your eye on semi-mortar there.
He's been compromised by the demon.
We can't really trust him anymore.
Oh, okay.
Angus.
Erik, go question the widow Hobbick.
She had that fucker in her basement for 30 years.
She's got to know something about where he plans to locate the vortex.
What about me? What about you?
I'm here.
Uh-huh.
What's the point, man? We lost.
What's the point?
The point is, I haven't gotten in my daily sinning yet.
I am hornier than a three-peckered billy goat,
and I will fuck you into a puddle of chowder
if you don't get your sweet ass
out of my cock range and down to that widow's apartment.
Let me just get my flip-flops.
So, what the fuck, man?
I was here with the cops.
We need to find Miss Hobbick.
She was married to the dead guy that owned this place.
I know who you're saying.
She was the last person to see our friend. We need to find her.
Crazy bitch gone. And man-child, too.
The mongoloid? I thought he was in custody.
He got un-custodied, I guess.
Where is she?
Crazy bitch came, got her man-child, and they went looking for a shirt.
I said to myself, "That must be a great shirt."
You mean Surtr. What?
Surtr.
You talk English, man? She took her man-child,
and they were talking about great kills,
they were talking about finding a great shirt.
Great kills?
Holy shit! You've got Smurbots, man.
Can I have some of these?
Knock yourself out, boss. Wait, wait.
Holy shit.
She was talking about killing people?
Man, for real, you have got to learn some English.
What's this? Belonged to the man-child.
I think this is how they kept Surtr in the basement.
It's got markings on it like some kind of Viking shit.
Did you hear back from your guy?
Yeah, it's the Babylonian finger.
The Bureau's getting the same reaming from the Vatican we are.
They even took their guns away.
They got guns? Why don't we got guns?
NYPD reported 200 new missing persons just last week.
Most with evidence of violence, burn marks, blood on the ground,
neighbors reported screaming.
Two hundred? How did that not make the news?
You think that's 200 dead?
Surtr has no use for corpses. He needs followers.
Acolytes.
Surtr needed warm bodies to send.
He was gathering followers, corrupting their minds.
So it was like a wave of hysteria,
formerly law-abiding citizens doing the unthinkable.
Committing the kind of crimes that scar generations.
And suddenly, Satan's work becomes the responsibility of...
of police and doctors.
People completely unprepared to handle such things.
It is a massacre.
Hey, I wouldn't go in there if I were...
Bitches move. Okay.
Angus, Larry.
Good, the gang is all here.
Shit.
The doors are getting shut tonight, and they are not going to re-open.
This is Father Atherton.
He'll be taking over all your outstanding cases.
He can't handle it. He can, and he will.
More effectively and cheaper than you, without embarrassing the...
Do you want to take care of that? Offices of the Church.
Oh!
You fuck!
Touch me again and you're deader than a clipped-dick Shechemite!
There's work to do. Angus, they shut us down.
We just stop fighting Satan
because some dipshit pseudo-Pharisee cocksucker
shows up with a couple of meatloafs and half a fag?
Fuck that! Fuck that in the fucking ear!
This isn't a job. It's a fucking calling.
You can't fire us off a mission from God.
Leave him alone, man! Move or get hurt!
I have been fucked by demons, man. What are you going to do?
Put them all out on the street. I am getting my knife!
Except for you. You stay.
I will do no such thing. Stop! Stop this immediately!
Who wants to bleed? Stop! Stop!
Sons of bitches, I will kill you all!
I'm sorry, brother. I thought we were still fighting.
Okay, all right. Enough! Everybody stops or I call the police!
You have no idea the cost of this. The cost? This is a Christian institution.
Christian?
And everything you are doing is anathema to...
You are a corporate dildo with dangerous illusions of competence.
And I guarantee you that Jesus Christ himself
would take a fucking dump on your front porch, pal.
Take him out.
Larry, you are an embarrassment.
Go home.
This is our work. Our religion. Our lives.
Where else are we going to go?
Go home!
This is our home. What?
Penelope. This is your home?
I brought you dinner.
I thought maybe we could talk about us.
About the decisions we need to make. But I guess you already made yours.
Elizabeth, wait! Elizabeth?
It's for me.
Augustine Interfaith Order of Hellbound Saints, Brooklyn Parish.
That is my concern.
Hey, man! What the hell?
No! No!
Yes, this is Father William Atherton.
I am taking over the open cases for the Hellbound Saints.
Get off him!
Angus!
Yes, of course, Your Excellency, I understand.
Right away.
I have to leave. I'm coming.
What did the Bishop say? That's not your concern.
Like hell. Is it Surtr?
Somebody get the old man to the hospital.
The rest of you need to be gone by the time I get back. Let's go, Father.
Okay.
Do you need to go to the hospital? Get the fuck away.
Hey, Larry... You should go after Penelope.
We are all dead by midnight anyway.
You keep saying that. What happens after midnight?
Surtr opens the gates of hell.
It's the perfect blasphemy.
Tomorrow is Jesus Christ's birthday.
Christmas was months ago. Oh, fuck Christmas.
It's a date some Guinea dipshit pulled out of a hat
to appease some fifth century dirt-worshipping pagan.
Tomorrow is the day that Christ was born.
Tonight we die.
We should... We should pray.
Oh, God, you still don't get it, do you?
Surtr is not just some pagan old killing god.
He is the God killer!
It's not just us he destroys.
It's God, and his angels, and heaven. Everything.
We die and go nowhere.
That's the cost of this. Nobody kills God!
Do you think he doesn't count on us, too?
Do you think God would keep us around if he didn't need us?
What the fuck kind of God would waste his time like that?
He needs us.
And we failed him. Oh, God, we failed.
You know why there aren't any super heroes named "Clint"?
Cool, macho name. It's not hard to imagine.
Cheap printing. Cheap printing in the old comics.
The L and the I, they would bleed together.
Let's not get beat by a Clint.
Who has got a pencil?
Number two okay? Perfect.
Something kills.
Greed kills? Where the fuck is my gin?
I should know this. My heart hurts.
Where would Elizabeth go to find the edge of hell?
I keep telling you, Elizabeth is gone.
She's a fucking demon. A vortex of sin to crack the gates.
It would be based on the quality of sin, not just the murder.
He didn't just say "killing", he said great.
You hopeless, stammering drunk.
As close as you can get to hell in New York City.
Staten Island. Great Kills.
Great Kills, Staten Island.
Okay.
Get your kits together.
Let's go send this satanic cocksucker to hell.
Oh, yeah.
There it is, the vortex.
At its center, they will open a fissure into hell.
What does that look like?
A flaming vagina with teeth.
How are we going to get Elizabeth back?
Goddamn you, Larry, we don't. She's gone.
We need to use this to trap her inside.
Kill her, send them both straight to hell.
You get in my way, you're going with them.
There has got to be hundreds of them.
Well, God's on our side. Shit.
Name your Messiah.
Name your Messiah or die. Detective Elrod?
What the fuck are you doing, man? Bathe in ash and supplication.
Have you come to accept the true Messiah?
Do you mean our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
Surtr. The Black.
Then out of our way, you blasphemous cocksucker.
God is on our side.
Shut him up.
Oh, shit.
Oh, man, oh, man.
Shoot one. Make an example.
The gun is empty. No, it will work this time.
That was a miracle. Go ahead.
All right.
Come at me. I will gut the lot of you motherfuckers!
Let's go, sweetheart. How are you doing?
Oh!
Angus!
Angus, come on.
Hey, you okay?
Let's get Angus out of here.
Go find Liz. I will hold them off.
There's too many of them. God is on our side.
Cast out the great dragon, the old serpent Satan...
Tremble before St. Michael the Archangel...
Clint, lend your voice.
From the snares of the devil. Deliver us, O Lord!
Cast into hell Satan and all evil spirits.
We beseech thee, hear us!
May God rebuke him. We humbly pray.
Clint! "We humbly pray." Clint!
My God! Liz!
The vortex. Give me the collar.
Give it! You cocksucker!
Satan!
Depart, transgressor.
Depart, seducer. Full of lies and cunning.
Foe of virtue!
Give way to Christ, you abominable creature.
I know you don't love me.
Shut up. Your bitch wife, neither.
Loveless, lazy and far from God.
Larry, we could have been happy together.
Give way to Christ. We can still be together.
Give way to Christ. Give way to the light.
God casts you into the outer darkness.
No! No!
No!
Liz. Liz, please!
Ancient serpent... Enemy of Christ.
The power of Christ compels you, you fucking cocksucker!
Take me!
I welcome you in. You and all your minions.
Take me.
Take me!
Take... Take...
Unholy... Ragnarok!
Ragnarok!
Fucker! What did you say?
Send me to hell.
Kill me. Now. I can't.
Oh, Larry, you fucking coward.
No!
Larry! Larry!
Sorry, Angus. Do you want last rites?
Don't you fucking dare!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Did we win?
Yeah.
Yeah! Fuck Satan!
Huh?
Anybody see my nose?
Hell is real.
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
You were right.
The Hellbound Saints will go funded until the Rapture.
What are we going to do?
I mean...
Without Angus, it's... You know, it's...
He saved us.
Who's going to lead us?
I mean, he was always there to keep us in line, you know?
I mean, that's the truth.
I'll call you cocksucker every once in a while if it makes you feel better.
Yeah.
Hey.
He's wasted. Let's get him to bed.
Sorry about your hand. Okay, yeah.
I'll hold you. I'm okay.
That was my second favorite finger.
We live to fight another day.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That's me. I'm sorry about that.
You got that side?
I'm... Liz.
Was it my fault? No.
I wasn't ready.
You will be next time.
We'll sin. We'll do bad together.
And you will be ready.
Yep.
Hey, babe.
Larry? Yeah?
I want you to come home.
I'm on my way.
If you believe in demons,
it's a much shorter leap to believing in God. Yes?
What better way to get believers' attention,
to reaffirm faith,
than by scaring the hell out of them?
It was just the beginning.
The female minister left a piece of herself in the gate.
It was wedged open, just a little, but enough.
There was...
There was no way we could have prepared for what was coming.
Are you sure you're done? Can we take this off?