Oh, fuck.
- Uh, yeah? - Miles, can you move your car, please?
- Why? - Because the roofers gotta get the truck in.
- You didn't park too good. Okay? - Yeah. All right.
Hold on.
Sorry. Sorry, gentlemen.
Sorry.
Oh, fuck me!
I know I said I would be there by noon,
but, uh, there's all of this work going on at my building,
and it's just a total nightmare.
I had a bunch of stuff I had to deal with this morning,
but I'm on my way.
I'm out the door right now.
- Hi, Simon. - Hey, Miles.
- Triple espresso, please. - For here?
Uh, no, actually. I'm running late. Make it to go.
And give me a New York Times and a spinach croissant.
Thank you.
- Ah! - Well, hello!
- Hello, Mrs. Erganian. How are you? - Come on in.
- Thank you. Is Jack still here? - Yes.
Shot on the way to the 118.
Look what the cat dragged.
- Hi, everybody. Sorry. - Hey.
Somebody finally arrived.
You finally got here. Mr. Prompt.
- Oh, remember my kids? Alex, Helen? - Hi. How are you?
We were thinking maybe you went the wrong way, you went to Tijuana...
- Right. - and they don't let you back.
- Yes! Yes! - Daddy!
- I had to bribe them. - Hey, Miles.
Hey. How are you, Christine?
Yeah, the freeway was unbelievable.
- Unbelievable. It was bumper-to-bumper the whole way. - Sure, sure.
People getting an early start on the weekend, I guess.
Granted, I got a late start, but...
- Well, we're just glad you made it. - Yes.
Christine, why don't you ask Miles about the cake?
- Oh, good idea. Come with me. - What's this?
We don't really have time for that, 'cause we gotta hit the road.
- Oh, come on! It's just gonna take a second! - Yeah.
Mmm.
Jack tells us you are publishing a book. Congratulations.
- Uh... - Yes, congratulations.
Yes, well, uh, it's not exactly finalized yet.
- So... There has been some interest, and... - Your friend is modest.
Oh, come on, Miles. Don't be so modest. Indulge them.
- Don't make me out to be a liar. - What is the subject of your book?
- Nonfiction? - Uh, no. It's... It's a novel.
- Fiction. Yes. - Oh.
Although there is quite a bit from my own life,
so I suppose that, technically, some of it is nonfiction.
Good. I like nonfiction.
There is so much to know about this world.
I think you read something somebody just invented it, waste of time.
That's an interesting perspective.
- So, which one do you like better? - Oh, well, I like them both.
But, um, if pressed, I would have to say that I prefer the dark.
Told ya!
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
Bye.
Where the fuck were you, man? Huh? I was dying in there.
- We're supposed to be a hundred miles away by now. - I can't help the traffic.
Oh, come on. You're fucking hungover. You know you are.
Okay, there was a tasting last night, yes.
But I wanted to get us something nice for the ride up. Check out the box.
Why did you tell them that my novel was being published?
- 'Cause you said you had it all lined up. - No, I didn't. No. No.
What I said was that there was some interest at Conundrum.
- Yeah. Conundrum. - And that one of the editors was passing it to a senior editor.
Sounds pretty good to me. Sounds like you're in.
No. It's a long shot.
Besides, Conundrum, it's just a small specialty press.
I'm not gonna get my hopes up.
You know? I've stopped caring.
The hell with it. I have stopped caring.
It sounds like it's gonna happen this time. I mean, I can feel it.
I think this is the one. Huh?
I'm really proud of you, man.
- Don't open that now. It's warm. - Why not?
Jack, that is a 1992 Byron. It's really rare. Okay?
- I've been saving it. Don't... - All right. I won't open it.
Jack!
Half of it gone.
Hey, shut up. Okay?
Here's to a great week.
Come on.
Yes. Absolutely.
Despite your crass behavior,
I'm actually glad we're getting this time together.
Yeah. Me too.
I've been looking forward to this for a long time.
- Was beginning to think it was never gonna happen. - Man! That's tasty!
That's 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard.
They don't even make it anymore.
- Pinot noir? - Mm-hmm.
- Then how come it's white? - Oh, Jesus.
Don't ask questions like that up in wine country.
- They'll think you're some kind of dumbshit. - Just tell me.
Color in red wines comes from the skins.
This juice, on the other hand, is free run,
so that there's no skin contact during fermentation...
Did you read the latest draft, by the way?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. - And?
It's great.
I mean, there are so many improvements. It's much tighter.
Just seems... I don't know, more congealed or something.
Mm-hmm. What about the new ending? Did you like that?
Oh, yeah. New ending vastly superior to the old ending.
There is no new ending.
Page 750 on is exactly the same.
Well, maybe it just seemed new...
because everything leading up to it was so different?
Yeah! That must be it!
Whoa. Why are we getting off?
- Uh, I just wanna make one quick stop. - For what?
- I just thought we could say a quick hello to my mother. - Your mother?
Look, it's her birthday tomorrow. Okay?
- And I don't feel right driving by and not stopping in. - Okay.
- It'll take a second. She's right off the freeway. - Okay!
I didn't know it was her birthday. How old is she gonna be?
Oh, 70-something.
Oh. Here, hold these for just a second.
Thank you.
- Surprise! - Surprise!
- Happy birthday, Mom! - Happy birthday!
Oh, my God! Miles! And Jack!
What a surprise!
I can't remember the last time you brought me flowers!
Happy birthday, Mom.
They're from both of us.
- A famous actor bringing me flowers for my birthday! - Right? Yeah!
- Don't I feel special? - And champagne!
- Famous actor's getting married next week, Mom. - Oh, that's right!
Isn't that nice.
I hope that girl knows how lucky she is...
marrying no less than Derek Sommersby.
Gosh, that was, like, 11 years ago, Mrs. Raymond.
Well, you were wonderful in that show!
Why that didn't make you the biggest movie star in the world is a sin!
Oh, now, Miles,
why didn't you tell me you were coming and bringing this handsome man?
Look how I'm dressed!
I've gotta run and put my face on.
You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond.
Oh, stop it!
Make yourselves comfortable.
- You boys hungry? - Yeah, I'm hungry.
Along with the battle casualties...
Just a snack.
the Germans lost almost a million men.
To replace them, Hitler turned to his last resort of manpower.
This is delicious, Mrs. Raymond. Absolutely delicious.
- Mmm. - They're just leftovers.
I-Is this chicken?
I could have made something fancier...
if a certain someone had let me know that a certain someone...
was coming for a visit and bringing a certain special friend.
It was a surprise, Mom.
And I could've already put clean sheets...
on the other bed and the foldout.
You are staying.
Wendy, Ron and the twins are picking us up at 11:30 to go to brunch at the Sheraton.
They do a magnificent job there.
- You talked to Wendy? - Just now.
She's thrilled! And the twins...
No, no, I bet. I bet. Yeah.
Well, you know, Jack is pretty eager to, uh, to get up to, um...
You know.
Uh, but, yeah, absolutely. We'll see how it goes.
Well, you boys do what you want.
I just thought it would be nice for us to be together as a family on my birthday.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I'll be right back.
And what was that other one you did?
The one where you were the jogger.
Oh, that was for, um, Spray 'n Wash.
Spray 'n Wash! That's the one!
Gosh. I remember the girl that was in it with me. She was somethin'.
I just remember you jogging.
Whoo-hoo!
So, when's the wedding?
Next Saturday, Mom. Remember? We told you.
And Miles is my best man, Mrs. Raymond. My main man.
Miles, when are you going to get married again?
I just got divorced, Phyllis.
Two years ago, buddy.
You should get back together...
with Victoria.
She was good for you.
She was good for you!
And so beautiful, and so intelligent.
You knew her, right?
Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do.
I'm worried about you, Miles.
Do you need some money?
Jack.
Jack, come on.
A rubber bag food slinger?
Are you kidding me?
Our super-amazing tree house,
brought about by our two-by-four technology...
Jack! No, no, no, no. She'll wake up.
Who did this?
- I did! - What?
She was tired, silly.
Our ship was so high!
They need a vacation!
Hamster holiday! Fun for all!
Fuck! Too early in the morning for that. You know what I mean?
Oh. She's a kid, for God's sake.
As if she would even be attracted to guys like us in the first place.
Speak for yourself, man. I get chicks looking at me all the time. All ages.
Dudes too.
Well, it's not worth it. You pay too big a price.
- It's never free. - You need to get laid, Miles.
That's gonna be my best-man gift to you this week.
I'm gonna get you laid.
Wonderful.
I'm not gonna get you a gift certificate or a penknife or any of that other horseshit.
- I'd rather have a knife. - No.
You have been officially depressed for, like, two years now.
You're a negative guy anyway, even back in college.
- Mm-hmm. - And now it's worse.
You're wasting away. Teaching English to fucking eighth-graders?
When they oughta be reading what you wrote. Your books, Miles.
- I'm working on it. - Not working hard enough.
- Are you still seeing that shrink? - I saw him on Monday.
I spent most of the time helping him with his computer.
Well, I say fuck therapy and... What is that stuff you take? Xanax?
And Lexapro, yes.
Well, I say fuck that too. You need to get your joint worked on, Miles.
Okay, Jack... Jack...
This week is not about me. It is about you.
I'm gonna show you a good time.
We're gonna drink a lot of good wine, we're gonna play some golf,
we're gonna eat some great food, enjoy the scenery,
and we're gonna send you off in style, mon frère.
And get your bone smooched.
You know what?
Let's take the Santa Rosa Road exit and hit Sanford first. Okay?
Sounds good to me. I need a drink.
These guys make top-notch pinot and chardonnay.
One of the best producers in Santa Barbara County.
- I thought you hated chardonnay. No, no, no. - I like all varietals.
I just don't generally like the way they manipulate chardonnay in California.
- Too much oak and secondary malolactic fermentation. - Huh.
You see, the reason that this region is so good for pinot...
is that the cold air off the Pacific flows in at night...
and it just cools down the berries.
Pinot's a very thin-skinned grape.
It doesn't like constant heat or humidity. Very delicate.
Let me show you how this is done.
First thing... hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light.
You're looking for color and clarity.
- Just get a sense of it. Okay? - Okay.
Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy?
- Okay? - Okay.
Now tip it.
What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim.
That's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things.
It's usually more important with reds.
- Okay? - Okay.
Now stick your nose in it.
- Yeah? - Don't be shy.
Really get your nose right in there. Really...
Mmm. A little citrus.
Maybe some strawberry. Mmm.
Passion fruit. Mmm.
And... Ah, there's just, like, the faintest...
soupçon of like, uh, asparagus and...
There's a... just a flutter of, like, a...
like, a nutty Edam cheese.
Wow.
Mmm!
- Strawberries. Yeah. - Good.
- Strawberries. Not the cheese. - All right.
Put your glass down. Get some air into it.
Oxygenating it opens it up.
It unlocks the aromas, the flavors. Very important.
Smell again.
Ah. That's what you do with every one of 'em.
- Wow. When do we drink it? - Now.
Mmm! Ahh.
- Mmm. - How would you rate this one, Miles?
Well, usually they start you on wines with learning disabilities,
but this one is pretty damn good.
- This is the new one. Right, Chris? - Just released two months ago.
- Nice job. - We like it.
You could work in a wine store, Miles.
Mmm. Yeah. That'd be a good move.
Are you chewing gum?
Do you think I'm making a mistake marrying Christine?
Whoa!
Do you think I'm doing the right thing, Miles? Tell me the truth.
I mean, you've been there.
Well, you know, I... I think that you waited for some good reason,
and that you proposed to Christine for some good reason,
so I think it's great.
It's time.
I mean, you gotta have your eyes open, that's all.
I mean, look at me. I thought Victoria and I were set for life.
Christine's dad, he's really been talking to me...
about bringing me into his property business, showing me the ropes.
Which is something, considering how long it took him to get over my not being Armenian.
So I'm thinking about it.
But I don't know.
Might get a little incestuous.
But Mike does great. A lot of high-end commercial stuff.
- So you're gonna stop acting? - No way! No.
This would just provide some stability.
I could always squeeze in a commercial or an audition here, there.
Keep myself in the game in case something really great came along.
We're not getting any younger, Miles.
No. No.
- Hey, hey, hey! - Hey.
- Miles! - Sir.
- Long time no see. - Gary, nice to see you.
- When's your novel coming out? We all wanna read it. - Soon, soon, soon.
This is my buddy Jack. He's getting married next week.
- My condolences, man. - What are you pouring tonight?
- Uh, we have got a lot of good stuff. - Mm-hmm?
Ah, we have the, uh, new Bien Nacido. You want a taste?
Absolument.
They make their own wine here. It's just outstanding.
Very special. Thank you.
Mmm!
- Mmm. - So, what do you think?
Tighter than a nun's asshole. But good concentration. Nice fruit.
Pour us a couple, will ya.
Yeah. It's tight.
There you are, gentlemen.
I will leave you the bottle. And it is good to see you.
Hey, man. Here's to my last week of freedom.
It's gonna be great.
Here's to us.
- Miles. - Mm-hmm?
Check out that chick.
Oh. Yeah. That's Maya.
- You know her? - Sure, I know Maya.
- You know that chick? - Yes. Jack, this is where I eat when I come up here.
You know? It's practically my office.
And occasionally I have a drink with the employees, yeah.
Maya's great. She's worked here a year, year and a half.
She's incredibly hot.
Yes, she is. And nice. And married.
Check out the rock.
Oh, that doesn't mean shit.
When Christine worked at Sushi Roku,
she wore a big engagement ring to keep guys from hitting on her.
Think it worked? Fuck no. How do you think / met her?
Well, this gal is married to some philosophy professor at UC Santa Barbara.
What's a professor's wife doing waitressing? Obviously that's over.
Jack, you don't know anything about this woman.
Calm down. Let's just eat.
- Hey, Miles! - Oh! Hi, Maya.
- How are you? - I'm good. Good.
You look great. Did you lose some weight?
Uh, no, actually.
But... thank you.
- Busy night, huh? - Sunday.
You guys been out tasting?
Oh, you know it. You know it.
Oh, this is my friend, Jack. Jack, Maya.
- Hiya. - Hi.
Well, it's good to see you. Bye, Miles.
Oh. Back to work.
- Jesus, she is jammin'. - Yeah.
And she's obviously into you.
What else do you know about her?
Well, she does know a lot about wine.
Ah. Now we're getting somewhere.
- She likes pinot. - Perfect!
She's a fucking waitress in Buellton, Jack.
How is that ever gonna work out?
You dick. Why do you have to focus on the negative?
- See how friendly she was to you? - She works for tips.
You're blind, dude. Blind.
I can also recommend the ostrich steak. Very lean. Locally raised.
Hey, Gary.
- Highliner, please. - You got it.
- That's on us. - Yes, indeed.
Well, hey, guys. Do you mind?
- Oh, no, no, no. - You sure?
Please. Light up, light up.
In fact, would you like to join us?
Sure.
So, how's that book coming, Miles?
I think you were almost finished with it the last time we talked.
- I finished it. - Good for you! Wow.
It's getting published.
That's, uh, actually why we're up here celebrating.
Well, congratulations.
- That's fantastic! - Yeah.
- Cheers. - Thanks.
Are you a writer too?
No, Maya, I'm an actor.
Really. What kind of stuff?
Mmm, a lot ofTV.
I used to be a regular on a couple of series.
But lately it's been a lot of commercial work. Nationals, mostly.
Anything I might know?
Perhaps. Do you recognize this?
Now with a low, low 5.8% A.P.R. financing!
That's hilarious!
- You sound just like one of those guys. - Am one of those guys.
- You are not. - He is.
Consult your doctor before using this product.
Side effects may include oily discharge,
hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure.
If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble,
you're dead, asshole!
Yeah.
So, what are you guys up to tonight?
Oh, we're pretty wiped.
I think we're just gonna go back to the motel and crash.
Yeah, I guess it's kind of a long drive up here.
- Mmm. - Where are you staying?
Uh, the Windmill.
Windmill.
The girl is looking to party,
and you tell her we're going back to the motel and crash?
- Jesus, Miles! - Well, I'm tired, Jack.
- Aren't you tired? - The chick digs you, man!
She lit up like a pinball machine...
when she found out your novel was getting published.
Now I have another lie to live down.
- Thanks, Jack. - Just trying to get you a little action.
I would appreciate a little bit of help.
Didn't seem to me like that's what was going on. You were all over her.
Well, somebody had to do the talking.
And, by the way, I was right... she's not married.
- How do you know? - No rock.
When she came to the bar, she was sans rock.
Oh.
What's the plan for today, Miles?
Aha.
Good. Um, we head up north...
Begin the grape tour up there,
work our way south...
so that the more we drink,
the closer we get to the motel.
What's your problem?
What is it?
I'm going to get my nut on this trip, Miles,
and you are not gonna fuck it up for me...
with all of your depression and anxiety and neg-head downer shit.
Oh.
Well, now the cards are on the table.
Yes, they are.
- Ah. - And I am serious. Do not fuck with me, Miles.
I am going to get laid before I get married on Saturday. Do you read me?
Sure, big guy. Absolutely.
Loud and clear. Whatever you say.
It's, uh, your party, evidently.
Why don't you just, uh...
Uh, yeah. Why don't you just go out, and I'll catch a train back.
No, Miles!
Man, this is our week to get crazy.
We should both be cutting loose.
This could be our last chance. This is our week, man.
It's something we should share.
This is our Syrah.
Okay.
- Ooh! - Yeah? Like that?
That's a big one.
But it did sit with the skins for about two weeks in an open-topped tank.
- So that would explain all the tannins, no? - Well, it is a young wine.
- So as the wine ages, the tannins will dissipate. - Right. Of course.
- Excuse me for just a minute. - Good stuff.
Mmm. Fill up there, bub.
This is our estate chardonnay.
Now, there's a girl who knows how to pour. What's your name?
Stephanie.
Nice.
So, what do you think?
Mmm. Quaffable.
But, uh, far from transcendent.
I like it. Tastes great.
Oak-y.
This is a cabernet franc.
This is only the fifth year we've made this varietal.
Very few wineries around here do a straight cab franc.
It's from our vineyards up in Santa Maria,
and it was a silver medal winner...
at Paso Robles last year.
Hmm.
Mmm.
Well, I will tell you something.
I've come never to expect greatness from a cab franc, and this one is no different.
It's kind of a hollow, flabby, overripe...
I don't know. Tastes pretty good to me.
So, um, do you live around here, Stephanie?
Yeah, up around Los Alamos. And I agree with you about cab franc.
We're just over in Buellton.
The Windmill Inn.
- Oh, yeah? - Mmm.
Do you happen to know a gal named Maya that works at The Hitching Post?
- Yeah. Sure. I know Maya. I know her real well. - Yeah? No shit?
We had a drink with her last night. Miles knows her.
Yes. Could we move on to the Syrah, please?
Oh. Champing at the bit, huh?
Sure.
This is our estate Syrah.
You are a bad, bad girl, Stephanie.
I know. I need to be spanked.
Excuse me.
The Syrah?
Hey. Hey. Get the trunk.
- You have the keys. - I do?
- Yeah. - In my pocket.
- So, we're on. - What?
Yeah. She called Maya, who's not working tonight. So we're all going out.
- Wi... With Maya? - Yeah.
She's been divorced a year now, buddy.
This chick Stephanie?
She's got it all goin' on.
Well, she is cute, yeah.
Cute? She's a fuckin' hottie.
And you almost tell her that I'm gettin' married? What's the matter with you?
- Nice, huh? - It's beautiful.
Yeah. Victoria and I used to like this view.
You know, once we had a picnic here...
and we drank a '95 Opus One.
With smoked salmon and artichokes. But we didn't care.
Oh, man, she has the best palate of any woman I have ever known.
She can even differentiate all different kinds of Italian wines.
Miles, there's something I gotta tell you.
Victoria's coming to the wedding.
Yeah, I know. You told me. I'm all right with it.
Yeah, but that's not the whole story.
She got remarried.
She what?
When?
About a month ago.
Maybe six weeks.
To that guy... that guy with the restaurant?
Miles?
Miles.
I'd like to go home now.
Miles, get out of the car.
Would you drive me back to the motel, please?
You know...
She bringing him to the wedding?
What do you think?
Why didn't you tell me about this before, Jack?
Because I knew you'd get so freaked out that you wouldn't even come on this trip.
But then I thought, this is the perfect place to tell you.
We're here to forget about all that shit. We're here to party, man.
I'm gonna be a fucking pariah.
Persona non grata.
Everybody's gonna be holding their breath, waiting to see if I get drunk and make a scene.
No, no. No. Look.
I talked to Victoria. Okay?
She's cool. Everybody's cool.
I'm sorry. You've been talking...
Behind my back...
you've been talking about it?
What are you doing?
Come back here.
Miles!
- Come here. Give me that bottle. - Back off, Jack.
- Come on. - Back off, man!
- Give me that bottle. - No.
Miles.
Miles!
A lot of people out there think they can make it.
What better thing in life is to chase the dream and not be afraid of going after it?
James Lepp next to play. Chance for a birdie and a five-shot lead.
I'm gonna go for a swim, get the blood flowing. You wanna come?
No. I wanna watch this.
Okay.
Should start this ball one or two inches outside the left edge.
Go in.
- Great putt. - Absolutely. Great speed.
Miles.
Oh, Miles. Time to get up.
This fuckin' chick in theJacuzzi...
Oh, dude!
This place is wide open. I'm goin' fuckin' nuts up here, man.
- Hey, what should I wear? - I don't know.
Something casual, but nice. They think you're a writer.
Right. Okay.
Mmm.
Do you have any other shoes?
Uh-uh.
Hmm.
Hey, honey.
Yeah, I was just calling to check in.
Miles and I are getting ready to go to dinner.
Probably stay out late, so I just thought I'd call and say good night now.
Yeah. I miss you too.
Yeah. I love you too.
Just try to be your normal, humorous self. Okay?
The guy you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy?
People love that guy.
And don't forget... your novel is coming out in the fall.
Oh. Really? How exciting. What's it called?
Come here, Miles. Come here.
Do not sabotage me.
If you wanna be a fuckin' lightweight, then that's your call.
- But do not sabotage me. - Oh, aye, aye, cap'n. You got it.
And if they wanna drink merlot, we're drinkin' merlot.
If anybody orders merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking merlot!
Okay, okay. Relax, Miles.
Jesus. No merlot.
Did you bring your Xanax?
All right.
Come here.
Do not drink too much. Do you hear me?
I don't want you passing out or going to the dark side.
- No going to the dark side! - Okay!
Hi. Just looking for some friends.
Good evening, ladies. How are you?
- Hi, Miles. - Good. How are you?
Hello, Maya.
- You look gorgeous. You both do. - Thank you.
- You're not so bad yourself. - Thanks. Thanks.
So, what's good here?
- What is this you're drinking? - Oh, this is the Fiddlehead sauvignon blanc.
- Ah, I see. Is it good? - Try it.
- What time did you close up at Ka... Is it... - Kalyra.
- I actually got out of there pretty good, around 5:30, 6:00.
- Still had some stuff to do. - Miles and I, we were...
- That's nice. - It's aged 12 months in oak.
- French oak. - Sauvignon blanc?
Huh. Interesting. It's good.
I know the winemaker. She comes into the restaurant all the time.
- What do you have to do to close up? - I close up the register.
Clean up, put some stuff away. Then put the glasses out for the next day.
- Right. - Just... Small stuff.
Uh, hints of clove.
- Right? - Yes! I know. I love that.
Yeah. Mmm.
Sorry. It's good.
- No, no. We'll get you a glass. - Ah! Now we're thinking.
Good. Okay.
Oh, that's... that...
Oh, he can say it, and it's not disgusting?
I didn't hear him say that.
- Whenever I say something he said... - Very good.
No, actually... No. That one. N-Not this one...
I'm having that too.
- Right? - Oh, yes.
That's what I'm saying.
For our soup we ha ve corn chowder,
and for our entrees we ha ve medallions of pork dusted with black truffles...
served with a root vegetable foulon and wasabi whipped potatoes.
And finally...
- I have to explain my credentials. - Yes!
Miles, what does this remind you of?
"Red wine. Red wine."
He was brought up on a lot of charges.
- Yeah? - I mean, with the yellow light.
Right.
After all, tonight we are celebrating Miles's book deal.
- Published author. - Oh! Wow!
Wow, Miles!
- Ohh! - Well, in that case...
And then they think you have no idea. You have no control over it.
Ancient way of treating the grape.
Now it's a modern way of treating the grape.
It's a traditional way of dealing with wine. It's a controversial way.
So everyone's going back to that.
It's just that there's a certain constant lapping.
- It's not a... It's a fishing lake. - Mm-hmm.
Your lips look soft.
- The whole area is... - Oh, no. You mean, like, what it was used for?
What do they call the...
Malibu... It's Malibu Canyon.
I don't know what the hell I'm trying to say.
Hello?
Victoria?
Miles?
Well, well, well, well, well. Victoria. How the hell are ya?
What... Uh... What's on your mind?
Oh, nothin'. I...
Just heard that you got remarried.
Congratulations. I, uh...
Boy, I didn't think you had the stomach for another go-around.
Oh, Miles, you're drunk.
Oh, just a little local pinot, you know.
A little burgundy. That old Côtes de Beaune.
- Where are you? - Uh, a little place in Los Olivos.
New owners. Cozy ambience, uh...
Excellent food too. You should, uh... You should try it.
I thought of you at the, uh, Hitching Post last night.
Hello?
- Miles, don't call me when you're drunk. - No, it's...
All right, I just... I wanted to let you know...
that I have decided not to come to the wedding,
so just in case you were dreading some sort of, you know, run-in or something like that,
well, you worry no more,
because I'm not gonna be there.
It's my little wedding gift to you and what's-his-name.
What is his name?
Ken.
Ken! Right.
Ken.
I'm gonna hang up now, Miles.
No... You know, it's just... I-I-I heard about this...
for the first time, uh, today.
Uh, your getting remarried, that is.
And, uh, I was kind of taken aback.
Just... Hard to believe.
I guess I thought maybe there was still a chance...
for us somewhere down the road.
And I just, uh...
- Miles. - Huh?
Maybe it is better if you don't come to the wedding.
All righty, Vicki. Whatever you say.
You're the boss.
Huh? I don't know.
Welcome back.
Take it easy.
- Are you okay, Miles? - Yes. I'm fine.
Thank you.
- Excuse us, gentlemen. - Excuse us.
Sure.
- Mmm. - All right.
Yeah. Don't take too long.
- All right. - Okay. Bye, girls.
What the fuck? What is up with you?
- You remember our little talk outside? - Yeah...
- Get your shit together, Miles. - I'm fine. I'm fine.
Where were you?
Bathroom.
Did you drink and dial?
Hmm?
- No. - Why do you always have to do this?
Victoria is gone. Gone.
Poof! In the wind.
I mean, you are blowing a great opportunity here with Maya.
Maya... Fuckin' Maya... She's great!
She's cool, she's funny, she knows wine.
What is this morose, come-down bullshit?
These girls wanna party with us.
Huh?
And what was that 10-minute lecture on, what, Vouvrays?
Are you kidding me? Who gives a fuck?
Let's just say that I'm uncomfortable with the whole scenario.
Have you forgotten all the bad times you had with Victoria,
how small she could make you feel?
Isn't that why you had the affair with Brenda in the first place?
Shut up. Shut your face. Shut up.
Have you even noticed how Maya's looking at you?
Now, come on, man. You've got her on the hook.
Reel her in. Let's ratchet this up a notch.
Here. Drink some agua fria.
Hey!
- Hey! - Mmm.
Ah. Well, so, uh, shall we get some dessert?
Uh, well, we were thinking, um, uh, why don't we go back to my place?
I've got wine, some insane cheeses, music, whatever.
Yeah!
Waiter!
Come here.
Uh-huh.
- One for you, three for me. - Mmm.
You sure you wanna do this?
- We're here! - Hey!
- Where were you guys?
Oh, we took a couple of wrong turns, thanks to Magellan here.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Oh, Miles. - Yeah?
- Maya's in the back, just past the kitchen. - Okay.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hey.
- Oh, has she got anything good? - Oh, yeah.
Steph's way into pinots and Syrahs.
- Hey, Steph! - Yeah?
- Can we really open anything we want? - Yeah, yeah. Anything.
Uh, except the Richebourg.
Richebourg? She has a Richebourg? Holy mackerel.
I've completely underestimated Stephanie.
Oh, good Lord. Um, look at that.
I think... this guy's more our speed.
Andrew Murray.
Well, okay. All right.
So, what gems do you have in your collection?
Oh, it's really not much of a collection, you know.
I mean, more like a small gathering in a cabinet.
No, I've never really had the wallet for that.
I just have to live bottle to bottle.
I've got things I'm saving, definitely.
I guess the star would be a 1961 Cheval Blanc.
You've got a '61 Cheval Blanc, and it's just sitting there?
- Yes, I do. - Go get it.
- Okay. - I'm serious! Hurry!
All right. I would, I would.
The '61s are peaking right now, aren't they? That's what I've read.
No, that's right, yeah.
It might be too late already. What are you waiting for?
Oh, I don't know. A special occasion with the right person.
- It was supposed to be for my 10th wedding anniversary, but... - Mmm.
You know, the day you open a '61 Cheval Blanc,
that's the special occasion.
So, uh, how long have you been into wine?
I got serious about seven years ago.
- And what was the bottle that did it? - '88 Sassicaia.
- Ah! Well, congratulations. - Mmm.
- Yeah. - That's very good.
- Well... - That would do it. Yeah.
Hmm.
Mmm.
Oh, wow, that's nice. That's very good.
We need to give it a minute, but that's really tasty.
How about you?
I think they overdid it a little.
Too much alcohol. It overwhelms the fruit.
Huh.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'd say you're right on the money.
Very good. Nice.
- Thank you. - Mmm.
Mmm! Is that Stephanie's kid?
Oh. Yeah. That's Siena.
- Oh, she's a sweetie. - Cute. Cute.
Where is she?
- She's at hergrandmother's. - Oh.
Steph's mom. She spends a lot of time over there.
You got kids?
Uh, me? No. No.
No, I'd just fuck 'em up.
No, that was the one unpolluted part of my divorce... no kids.
Yeah. Same here.
Good.
Let's go in there.
Now, for a low, low 4.8% A.P.R. financing...
Looks like our friends are really hitting it off.
Yeah, I would say that.
Yeah.
So, what's your novel about?
What's my... Oh, brother.
Well, it's, uh... it's difficult to summarize.
Um...
It starts out as a kind of first-person narrative...
about a guy taking care of his father after a stroke.
- Oh. - It's kind of based on, uh, personal experience.
But only... only loosely.
What's the title?
The Day After Yesterday.
Oh. You mean today.
Um... Uh, yeah. I mean, r-right. But it's more...
So it's about, like, death and mortality, or...
Uh, yeah...
Y... Not really.
I, uh... It de... It jumps around a lot.
That's what it's about, in a way. You know what I mean?
You start to see everything from the point of view of the father.
And, uh, a lot of other things happen... parallel narratives.
It's kind of a mess.
And then, eventually, the whole thing sort of evolves,
or devolves,
into this sort of Robbe-Grillet mystery.
You know?
But no real resolution.
- Wow. - It...
Well, I think it's really great you're getting it published.
Really. I mean, I know how hard it is just to write it even.
Yeah.
I mean, like me, I've got this paper due on Friday,
and I'm freaked out about it, just like in high school.
- A paper, huh? - Yeah.
I'm going for a master's degree in horticulture.
Sorta chipping away on it.
- Horticulture? Really? - Mmm.
I didn't even know that there was a college here.
Well, I commute to San Luis Obispo twice a week.
Horticulture? Wow.
So, do you want to work in a winery or something?
Maybe.
Oh.
Hmm.
So, when can I read your book?
Well, I... You know, I... Well, I do happen to have a manuscript in my car.
Um, it's not proofed or anything,
so it's... it's full of typos.
- If you don't mind typos... - Oh, no. Who cares?
I'm the queen of typos.
Okay.
Mmm.
Ahh.
You know, can I ask you a personal question, Miles?
Sure.
Why are you so into pinot?
I mean, it's like a thing with you.
Uh... I don't know. I don't know.
Um... It's a hard grape to grow.
As you know. Right?
It's, uh... It's thin-skinned,
temperamental, ripens early.
It's... You know, it's not a survivor...
like cabernet,
which can just grow anywhere...
and thrive even when it's neglected.
No, pinot needs constant care and attention. You know?
And, in fact, it can only grow...
in these really specific, little tucked-away corners of the world.
And... And only...
the most patient and nurturing of growers...
can do it, really.
Only somebody who really takes the time...
to understand pinot's potential...
can then coax it into its fullest expression.
And then? I mean...
Oh, its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant...
and thrilling and subtle and...
ancient on the planet.
No, I mean, you know, cabernets can be powerful and exalting too,
but they seem prosaic to me, for some reason, by comparison.
I don't know. I don't know.
What about you?
What about me?
I don't know. Why are you into wine?
Oh, I... I think I...
- I originally got into wine through my ex-husband. - Ah.
You know, he had this big sort of show-off cellar.
- You know? - Right.
- But then I discovered that I had a really sharp palate. - Mm-hmm.
And the more I drank,
the more I liked what it made me think about.
Like what?
Like what a fraud he was.
Wow.
No, I mean, I like to think about the life of wine.
Yeah.
How it's a living thing.
I like to think about...
what was going on the year the grapes were growing,
how the sun was shining,
if it rained.
I like to think about...
all the people who tended and picked the grapes...
and, if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now.
I like how wine continues to evolve.
Like, if I opened a bottle of wine today,
it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day.
Because a bottle of wine is actually alive...
and it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity.
That is, until it peaks,
like your '61.
And then it begins its steady,
inevitable decline.
Hmm.
And it tastes so fucking good.
Yeah.
But you know, I... I, uh...
I like other wines besides pinot too.
I mean, lately I've been really into Rieslings.
You like Rieslings? Rieslings?
Mm-hmm.
There's a bathroom in the back?
- Yeah. It's through the kitchen. - I'll be right back.
God, you are such a fuckin' loser.
You make me so fuckin' sick.
Oh, God. Ah, come on.
Hi.
- I was just getting some water. - Okay.
- You want some water? - No.
Okay. It's getting kind of late.
I should really go.
So you know how to get to the Windmill? Two rights and a left.
- Got it. - Okay.
I had a nice time tonight, Miles. I really did.
Good. So did I.
- Okay. Well, I'll see you around then. - Um...
Did you still want to read my novel?
Oh, yeah. Of course.
Yeah.
- Great. - Just a sec.
- Here. - Oh, wow.
Well, I hope you like it.
And feel free to stop reading it any time. I will not be offended.
Okay.
- Well, good night, Miles. - Good night.
Oh, fuck.
That fucking chick is unbelievable, dude. Unbelievable!
Whoo! Boy.
Ohh, she is nasty, Miles.
Nasty, nasty, nasty!
- Well, I'm glad you got it out of your system. - Yeah, baby.
Congratulations. Mission accomplished.
Oh, hi, Miles!
Hi.
Hey, you didn't invite Stephanie to come with us, did you?
Oh, listen, man. Change of plans.
Stephanie's off today, so, you know, I'm thinkin' about goin' on a hike.
We were supposed to play golf.
You know what? You go, man. You go. In fact, use my clubs.
They're brand-new. They were a gift from Christine's dad.
Here, I'll pay for it. Right there.
And then later, the three of us, we can go to The Hitching Post.
We could sit at one of Maya's tables.
She'll bring us some great wine, you know?
- Then the four of us will do something. - No. Count me out.
Oh, I see.
Didn't go so great last night, huh? What a shocker.
You mean getting drunk and calling Victoria didn't put you in the mood?
Dumb fuck.
- Later, man. - Yeah, well, maybe you should check your messages first.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, she's been leaving messages here too.
Yeah. Okay.
- You should call her. - I will. I'll see you.
- Right now! - Okay. Fuck!
- What are you, my mom? - Well.
Would you mind waiting outside?
- That was fun last night. - Yeah. Good food.
Hey, I-I talked to Maya this morning. She said she had a fun time too.
You should call her.
- Where's Jack? - Uh, had to make a phone call.
Oh.
Miles. Miles.
Hey, man, uh, do you have that other condom?
In my jacket.
What did, uh, Christine say?
Lucked out. Got voice mail. Everything's cool.
- Ha, ha! Here I am. - Hi!
- Ready? - Yeah.
Cannonball!
Please dial your password and press pound.
You have no messages at this time.
To send a message, press 2...
Uh...
Not now. Not now!
Yeah.
Hey, there you are.
- Yup. - Hey, man.
What are you drinking?
Is it any good?
Can... Can I get a glass, please?
Thanks.
Stephanie took me out to the pinot fields today, Miles.
God, it was so awesome.
I think I'm really starting to get a handle on the whole process.
The soil to the vine, and the... What do you call it?
The selection to the harvest.
Then that thing they do with the big containers where they mix it?
It's really neat, the whole thing.
Then we ate pinot grapes right off the vine.
They were a little sour,
but showing excellent potential for structure...
down the line, I think.
Stephanie, man. She really knows her shit.
Hmm. Where is Stephanie?
Uh, she's upstairs cleaning up.
What the fuck are you doing?
- What? - With this chick.
What?
Does she know about Saturday?
Well, not exactly. I've been honest with her.
I haven't told her I'm available.
She knows this trip is only for a few days.
Besides, I just...
- Besides what? - I'm... Well, you know...
- The wedding. - What?
I... I've just been doing some thinking about it.
Oh, you've been thinking. And?
Might have to put the wedding on hold is all.
Look, I know that that could be tricky...
- for certain people to accept at first. - Yeah.
All right? But life is short, Miles.
I have to be sure I'm doing the right thing before taking such a big step.
You know what? That's not just for my sake.
I'm looking out for Christine's feelings too.
I mean, being with Stephanie has completely opened my eyes.
She's not uptight or controlling. She's just cool.
I mean, she smells different, she tastes different.
- She fucks different. - Okay.
She fucks like an animal.
I gotta tell you, man.
I went deep last night.
Deep.
I thought I'd get a little understanding from you, but I'm not gonna get that.
Understanding about what, Jack?
I might be in love with another woman.
In love? Really?
Twenty-four hours with some wine-pourer chick, and you're fuckin' in love.
Come on! And you're gonna give up everything?
Here's what I'm thinkin'.
You and me, we move up here, we buy a vineyard.
You design the wine. I'll handle the business side.
You get inspired, maybe write another novel, one that can sell.
Oh, my God. No, no.
As for me, if an audition comes up, L.A.'s right there, man.
- It's two hours away. Not even. - Jesus Christ. You're crazy.
You've gone crazy.
All I know is that I'm an actor.
All I have is my instinct.
You're asking me to go against it.
Hi, guys!
Hi. Hi.
- We should probably get going. - Yeah.
Where?
I know where all the drivers go.
Huh? All right. Here comes the tricky part. There you go. Nice.
Nice. Okay, it's the bridge.
Golden Gate Bridge. There you go.
You know, it's a thing... I mean, I've gotten over it. You know what I mean?
- Mm-hmm. - Stephanie's heard this a thousand times,
but if I'd bought up in Santa Maria when I had a chance,
I would've made a fortune when they put in that, uh...
- Home Depot. - Home Depot.
And those stores. And your father knew about it too.
He's such a fuckin' chickenshit.
Always was. Just a fuckin' chickenshit.
Just too scared.
- Is this bothering you? You sure? - It's fine. Yeah.
Hey, man. I'm gonna just make sure that Siena and Stephanie get home safe.
- Okay. - All right. Maybe we'll hook up with you later.
Sure. Whatever. Maybe I'll go catch a movie or something.
- See you later, Miles. - Thanks, Stephanie. See you.
- Bye, Siena. - Bye.
- Caryl, very nice meeting you. - I loved talking with you.
- Thanks. - If you go out later, call me on my cell.
Okay!
- Okay. That's it? - Yeah.
Actually, could I get a, uh... a Barely Legal, please?
Thank you. No, actually... Sorry. The new one.
Okay.
Thanks.
What... Oh.
- Hey, Miles. How's it hanging? - Hey.
Oh, you know me. I love it up here.
- How 'bout you? - Busy for a Tuesday night.
We had a busload of old folks on a wine tour.
Usually they're not too rowdy, but tonight something was going on.
I don't know. A full moon or something. Anyway, what can I get you?
- Highliner. - Glass or bottle?
- Bottle. - You got it.
Say, is, uh, Maya working?
Maya? Uh, no, I haven't seen her.
I think she's off tonight.
- You okay, Miles? - Yeah, I'm good.
Ah, crap.
- Did you ever get ahold of Maya yesterday? - Nope.
- Hmm? - No.
She really likes you, man. Stephanie'll tell you.
- Could you just give me a little room? Please? - Yeah.
Thank you.
In life, you gotta strike while the iron's hot. Iron is hot.
Sage advice, Jack.
- Now, remember, sit back on your heels. - Mm-hmm.
All right? Turn through the abdomen.
Abdomen.
- Oh, for cryin'... - Nice.
What about your agent? You hear anything yet?
- Nope. - What do you think's going on?
- Could be anything. - You been checking your messages?
- Obsessively. - Huh.
Guess I'll just have to learn to kiss off another three years of my life.
But you haven't heard anything yet,
so don't you think your negativity's a little premature?
Hmm? All right. You know, fuck the New York publishers.
Publish it yourself, Miles. I'll chip in.
Just get it out there. Get it reviewed.
Get it in libraries. Let the public decide.
Don't come over the top.
- Stay still. - Shut up.
It's all about stillness.
- Inner quiet. - Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!
Jesus Christ, man! What the hell is wrong with you?
Please, just shut up! Fuck!
- God. - What's with the hostility, man?
I know you're a little frustrated with your life right now,
but you can choose to be less hostile.
The fucker hit into us.
Hurry it up, will ya?
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Hey, that's not cool, asshole!
Nice shot. Jackoffs.
- What the hell are you doing? - Oops. Look out.
Uh? Uh-huh.
Oh. Oh, check it out.
- This is gonna be fun. This is gonna be fun. - Go to it.
Just don't give up on Maya. Cool, smart chicks like that require persistence.
I don't wanna talk about it, please.
All I know is that she's beautiful, a lot of soul.
She's perfect for you.
I'm just not gonna feel good about this week until I know you guys have hooked up.
Don't you want to feel that cozy little box grip down on your johnson?
Hey! Mind keeping it down, buddy?
A woman finds out how I live,
that I'm not a published author, that I'm a liar, essentially,
any interest she has is gonna evaporate real quick.
If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game anymore.
You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir.
- Abattoir. What is that? - Slaughterhouse.
Abattoir. Huh. But you know what?
You are gonna be a published author...
because you're gonna get the good news this week about your book.
Huh. Stephanie.
Hey, honey. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah!
- Hey. - Hi.
Hey, Miles. I heard you stopped by the restaurant to see me last night.
Oh, yeah. No. I mean, uh, yeah.
I stopped by for a drink. I didn't see you.
- I had class. - Oh.
Well, nice to see you now.
It's good to see you too.
Syrah.
Oldest Syrah grapes in Santa Barbara County.
Did you know that?
You didn't know that?
The pinot noir grape has been cultivated perhaps...
since antiquity in Burgundy.
And it is precisely this ancient...
and inherited winemaking knowledge...
that has contributed to its success.
- I was, like, 16, 17. - Really?
Yeah. I'm gonna die!
- Oh, God. What a drag. - Mom?
- Oh. - Oh, hey. Hi.
Is it too loud?
Sorry. Oh, UncleJack will put you back to bed.
Come here, little sister. Ooh!
We'll be more quiet, okay?
- Good night. I'm sorry. - I'm so sorry.
My favorite, as far as ice cream...
- Chunky Monkey. - Chunky Monkey!
You guys should come by the restaurant for lunch today.
- Great. What's the latest we can get there? - About 2:30.
Did you hear about this Bordeaux tasting dinner down in Santa Barbara...
on Saturday night?
It's kind of pricey, but if you wanted to go, I'd be into it.
Why don't you just stay for the weekend?
No, we have to get back Friday for the rehearsal dinner.
What rehearsal dinner?
Who's getting married?
- Were you ever gonna say anything? - Yes, of course I was.
Just now I could've told you some story, but I didn't.
- I told you the truth. Maya! - Don't touch me!
Just take me home.
Do you have any idea what he's been saying to her?
- He's an actor, so it can't be good. - Only that he loves her.
How she's the only woman that's ever rocked his world, how he adores Siena,
how he wants to move here and get a place with the two of them and commute when he has to.
I'm sure he believed every word of it.
Please believe me.
I was on the verge of telling you last night, but...
But you wanted to fuck me first.
Oh, Maya. No.
Yeah.
You know, I've just spent the last three years of my life...
trying to extricate myself from a relationship that was full of deception,
and I'm doing just fine.
And I haven't been with anybody since my divorce,
so this has been a big deal for me, Maya.
Hanging out with you and, uh... and last night.
I really like you, Maya,
and I am not Jack.
I'm... I'm...
I'm his freshman year roommate from San Diego State.
There's my boy!
There he is. But who's your daddy?
- Who is your daddy? Oh! - Jack, come on.
- Oh, let me love you. - Let go. Oh!
Let me down, Jack.
I am so proud of you. Ah. Mmm. Mmm.
- Well, that's nice. - Okay. All right. Details.
- I love details. - No.
- What? - Jesus. It's private.
You better tell me what happened, or I'll tie your dick in a knot.
Let's just leave it, okay?
You didn't get any, did you?
- You're a homo. - Yeah, right. Yup, I'm a homo.
Yeah. Yeah.
Just make up whatever you want, and that's what happened. Okay?
Fine. Write out my gay confession, and I'll sign it.
Okay? Just stop pushing me all the time.
You're an infant, Jack.
- This is all a big party for you... - Okay.
- but not for me. - Come on.
I'm sorry, man.
Did you have trouble performing?
Yeah, that's it.
Don't answer it.
- Jack. - Hello.
Yeah.
Uh-huh. It's Christine.
Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.
Hey, let me call you right back.
Miles and I are kinda in the middle of something.
Nah, it's nothing serious. Just... He's having one of his freak-outs. Yeah.
This whole week has gone sour. It hasn 't gone the way it was supposed to.
I just want to go home.
I know what you need.
How 'bout this one? We didn't hit this one.
- Frass Canyon. It's a joke. - You ever actually been in there?
- I don't have to. - I say we check it out. We're right here.
It tastes like the back of a fucking L.A. school bus.
Now, they probably didn't de-stem,
hoping for some semblance of concentration.
Crushed it up with leaves and mice...
and then wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine mouthwash bullshit.
Fuckin' Raid.
Tastes pretty good to me.
Hmm. Look. They have a reserve pinot.
- Let me use your phone. - What's up?
- I can't take it anymore. I gotta call Evelyn. - Okay.
Evelyn Berman-Silverman's office.
- Hi, Jennifer. It's Miles again. - Oh, hi, Miles.
- Hi. - Let me see if I can get her.
Okay.
- You're in luck. I'll put you through. - Okay.
- Hi, Miles. - Hi, Evelyn.
It's your favorite client.
- How's the trip? - Oh, it's good, it's good.
You know, we're drinking some good wines, kicking back.
- It's very nice. - Right.
So what's happening? There's still no word, huh?
Well, actually, there is word.
I spoke to Keith Kurtzman this morning.
Right. And?
And... they're passing.
Conundrum's passing. He said they really liked it.
They really wanted to do it, but they just couldn't figure out how to market it.
He said it was a really tough call.
Oh. Right.
I'm sorry, Miles.
So I don't know where that leaves us.
I'm not sure how much more mileage I can get out of continuing to submit it.
I think it's one of those unfortunate cases in the business right now...
a-a fabulous book with no home.
The whole industry's gotten gutless.
It's not about the quality of the books anymore.
It's only about the marketing.
- Excuse me. Could I get a, uh, pour down here, please? - Sure.
There's a, uh, special on the Syrah by the case.
Hit me again.
Thanks.
Excuse me. Could you just pour me a full glass?
I'll pay for it, okay?
Sir, this is a winery, not a bar.
Oh. Come on.
Just give me a full goddamn pour.
Excuse me.
Why don't you buy a bottle, then go outside?
- What are you doing? - I told you I need a drink, so I'm going to help myself.
- Okay, pal? What do you think? - Put the glass down.
Let go of the fucking glass, fucker!
Mmm.
- That's that. - Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, buddy. Ho, buddy.
- It's okay. - Get him out of here.
- Thanks a lot! - It's okay. His, uh... His mother just died.
So you'll write another one. You've got lots of ideas, right?
No, I'm finished. I'm not a writer.
I'm a middle school English teacher.
Ah, the world doesn't give a shit what I have to say.
I'm unnecessary.
I'm so insignificant, I can't even kill myself.
Miles, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Come on, man. You know.
Hemingway, Sexton, Plath, Woolf.
You can't kill yourself before you've even been published.
What about the guy that wrote Confederacy Of Dunces?
He committed suicide before he was published. Look how famous he is.
Thanks.
Just don't give up. All right? You're gonna make it.
Half my life is over,
and I have nothing to show for it, nothing.
I'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper.
I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue...
surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage.
See? Right there.
Just what you just said? That is beautiful.
"A smudge of excrement surging out to sea."
- Yeah. - I could never write that.
Neither could I, actually. I think it's Bukowski.
Hey, baby.
- Look what I got for our favorite girl. - Motherfucker!
- Jesus Christ! - You fucking lying piece of shit!
You're getting married on Saturday? What's with all that shit you said to me?
- Stephanie, stop! - I can explain!
- You said you loved me! - I do!
- I hope you die! - Stop it, Stephanie!
Fuckface! You too!
Me?
- You fucking told Maya, didn't you? - No, I did not.
No, I did not.
It must have been Gary at The Hitching Post.
I think we mentioned it to him the first night.
Oh, did we mention it? You mentioned it, asshole!
I'm fucking hurting over here.
Keep it elevated.
No, I don't want anything.
Uh, it's Miles.
I had to call and, uh, tell you again...
how much I enjoyed our time together...
and, uh, how sorry I am...
that things turned out the way they did.
I think you're great, Maya.
Uh, I always have from the first time that you, uh, waited on me.
Uh, and while I'm at it,
uh, I guess maybe you should know that my book...
is not getting published.
I thought this one, uh, had a chance, but I was wrong again.
Once again.
So you see, uh,
I'm not really much of a writer.
I am not much of anything, really.
I'm gonna have to have an operation, maybe even a couple of 'em.
They're gonna wait for my nose to heal first, then they break it again.
Oh, Christ. Good thing you have a voice-over career.
It's gonna fuck that up too. I oughta sue her ass.
The only reason I won't is to protect Christine.
- That's thoughtful. - Yeah.
How did Stephanie know it was on Saturday?
We didn't get into that with Gary.
Huh. That's... Yeah, let me think.
- You sure you didn't say anything to Maya? - Yes, I'm sure I'm sure.
And just what are you implying, Jack?
I'm really pissed off at you about all this, if you want to know the truth.
What is Maya going to think of me now, just for associating with you?
I don't know. Sure seems fishy.
Well.
Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat,
I'll be there.
Wherever there's a cop beating up a guy,
I'll be there.
I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad.
What's this look like to you?
Uh, it looks like you were in a bad car accident.
When the people are eating the stuff they raised...
I'm hungry.
Here we go.
- Nice. - Thank you.
- And here is your Handi Wipes. - Oh.
So that's what those are. For a minute I thought you were promoting safe sex.
That's a good one. I'll have to remember that one.
- I'll be right back with your corn bread. - All righty.
Bet you that chick's two tons of fun.
- You know, the grateful type? - Mm-mmm.
I don't know. I wouldn't know about that.
Mmm.
- Hmm. - Here you go.
Nice technique there, Cammi.
Thank you. All in the wrist.
You know, you look really familiar to me.
- Are you from around here? - Actually, we're from San Diego. Why?
I don't know. You just seemed really familiar to me.
- Never mind. Enjoy your meals. - Hang on. Hang on.
Um, did you ever know a Derek Sommersby?
Dr. Derek Sommersby from One Life To Live?
Just have to imagine him with no bandage and shorter hair.
No way!
Oh, my gosh!
That's great! Oh, my goodness!
Could you tell me where the bathroom is, please?
Oh, yeah. It's right over there, right past the buffalo. Wow!
Oh, my gosh. I can't believe you're sitting at my table.
Listen, man, Cammi gets off in an hour, so I was thinking...
I'd just hang around, have a drink.
You know, make sure she gets home safe.
You're joking, right?
No.
Un-fucking-believable.
Can't we just go back to the motel and hang out,
get up early, play nine holes of golf...
before we head home?
Listen, man, you're my friend,
and I know you care about me.
I know you disapprove, and I respect that.
But there are some things that I have to do that you don't understand.
You understand literature, movies, wine,
but you don't understand my plight.
Yeah?
- Holy shit! Jesus Christ! - Fuck. Fuck.
God, it's fucking freezing out there!
- God, yeah. - Vicodin. Where's the Vicodin?
Uh...
Oh.
Here.
Oh. Oh.
Fucking chick's married, man.
What?
Her husband works the night shift, and he comes home and catches me on the floor...
with my cock in his wife's ass.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Jesus. Jack!
- And you walked all the way from Solvang? - No, ran.
Twisted my ankle too.
- That's five klicks, Jack. - Fuckin'- A right, it's five klicks.
At one point I had to cut through an ostrich farm.
Those fuckers are mean.
Whoo!
- Oh! - We gotta go back.
What?
We gotta go back. I left my wallet.
Credit cards, cash, my fucking I.D.
- Everything. We gotta go back. - Big deal. It's fine.
Don't worry about it. We'll call now and we'll cancel your cards.
No, Miles, you don't understand. The wedding rings.
The wedding rings are in my wallet.
Fine, they're in your wallet, and you left your wallet in some bar, okay?
- Christine will understand. - She had to order them special.
It took her forever to find 'em.
They've got this design of dolphins and our names engraved in Sanskrit.
We gotta go back, man. Christine will fucking crucify me, Miles.
No way, no way, no way.
Please. Please!
Forget it. Your wallet was stolen in some bar.
- It happens every day. - No, we gotta go back and get my wallet, Miles.
I'm telling you, those rings are irreplaceable.
Look, I know I fucked up, okay? I know I fucked up.
- But you've gotta help me. - Yeah.
You've gotta help me, Miles, please! Please!
I can't lose Christine, Miles.
I just... I can't. I can't lose Christine.
- Mm-hmm. - I know I fucked up.
I know I did a bad thing, all right? And I know I'm a bad person.
I know I am. But you gotta help me! You have to help me, Miles.
Okay? Tell me you'll help me.
If I lose Christine, I-I-I...
I'm nothing.
I just have... I'm nothing.
God.
- Did she tell you she was married? - Yeah.
So what the fuck were you thinking?
Wasn't supposed to be back till 6:00. Fucker rolls in at 5:00.
Cutting it a little close, don't you think?
- This is the block. - You sure?
Yeah.
That's it. That's it.
That's the one right there.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Okay.
All right. Okay, so what's the plan?
Uh, the plan is...
you go.
- Me? - 'Cause of my ankle.
Still hurts. Just go explain the situation, Miles.
Explain the situation. Yes.
"Excuse me, sir. My friend was the one balling your wife a couple of hours ago.
"Really sorry. He seems to have left his wallet behind.
I was wondering if I could come in and just poke around. I don't know."
- Yeah, just like that. That's good. - Oh, for Christ's sake.
Oh, fuck it! I'll go. I guess I have to do everything.
No. Hold on.
You think I don't fuck you, bitch? I'm fucking you now.
I'm a bad girl. I'm a bad girl!
You picked him up and you fucked him, didn't you, bitch?
Yeah, I picked him up and I fucked him. I'm a bad girl!
You liked fucking him, didn't you, you little whore?
I liked it when you caught me fucking him! Oh, yes! Oh, yeah!
You are a bad bitch.
- Yeah, you caught me. - You're such a whore.
Oh, yeah!
- Oh, baby. - Oh, it's so good!
I fucked him.
- You're so bad. - I am. Yeah.
- What the fuck! - The wallet! He's got Derek's wallet!
I think they were surprised by the level of protest...
that was really happening within the company.
The injustice may be their plan, and they said, "Well, we can't just go"...
- Oh! Here's your wallet! Oh, shit! - Motherfucker!
Open the goddamn door!
- You got it! You got my wallet! - I'm gonna kill your ass!
I'll find you! I will find you, bub! I'll find your ass!
You're mine, man! You're mine!
Fuck you! I'm gonna get your ass!
- You wanna let me drive? - No, it's all right. I got it.
Hey, you know, you oughta invite Maya to the wedding.
Hmm.
Somehow I think inviting Maya to the wedding...
is not the right move at this juncture.
I don't know.
In fact, after all of your shenanigans,
it's gonna be hard for me to ever go to The Hitching Post again.
You know, there was a nice way to respond to that.
- Come on. Let me drive. - No, I got it. You should rest.
You know what? I feel like driving.
Okay.
Uh... Hey, put on your seat belt, okay?
I was just about to. What's the problem?
- Just want to remind you to be safe. - We missed the entrance.
What are you doing, Jack? Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing? - Hang on.
Jack!
What the fuck!
- You said it looked like an accident. - What the fuck!
I'll pay for it.
Jesus. Christ, Jack! Oh, for Ch... Look at this!
- Huh. - Oh.
I don't know.
Doesn't look like anyone was injured in this one.
No. No.
- Watch your head. - Yeah.
Boy, you broke a couple of 'em, you know.
- Whatever. Sorry. - No, no, no. It's not "whatever."
You fuckin' derelict.
You ready?
Just get it over with.
Okeydoke. All right.
Well, I guess that's about it.
- Want to come inside? - Uh, no. No, you're on your own.
All right. I guess I'll see you at the rehearsal.
Yup.
I love you, man.
Yeah. Back at ya.
- Miles, don't drive away until they see the car. - I know, I know, I know.
Hey, wait a second. Wait a second. How come I wasn't hurt?
'Cause you were wearing your seat belt.
Nicely done.
- Hi. - Jack.
- Yeah. - Uh, Christine, Mike!
Amen.
Hey, Miles.
Hi, Vicki. Wow, you look beautiful.
Thanks.
Um, this is Ken Cortland, my husband.
- How are you? - How are you?
- Good, thanks. - Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you.
- You're a lucky guy. - Yes, I am. Thank you.
Yeah.
Well, I'll just wait for you at the car.
- It was great meeting you, Miles. - Ken.
- Well, that was big of him. - Yeah, he's good that way.
- He's very considerate. - That's great.
So how are you doing?
Since the last time we spoke? I don't know.
Could be better. Could be worse.
- So what's happening with your book? - Um, universally rejected.
- Strike three. - Oh, Miles, that's awful.
What are you gonna do?
Back to the drawing board, I guess. Or not.
I don't know.
So, anyway, you're married.
Congratulations. You look happy.
- I am. - Good.
Seems like everybody's getting married.
Last year was all divorces. This year it's all weddings.
- Cyclical, I guess. - I guess.
Well, uh, what do you say we hit the reception?
Have some champagne, toast the newlyweds, huh?
Not me. I'm not drinking.
You quit drinking. Really?
I'm pregnant.
I see.
Yes, I see. Great.
Well, congratulations again, Vicki.
Boy, that's wonderful news.
- See you over there, Miles? - Yeah.
Hmm.
"'The marrow of his bone,' I repeated aimlessly.
"This, at last, penetrated my mind.
"Phineas had died from the marrow of his bone...
"flowing down his bloodstream to his heart.
"I did not cry then or ever about Finny.
"I did not cry even when I stood,
"watching him being lowered into his family's straitlaced burial ground...
"outside of Boston.
"I could not escape the feeling that this was my own funeral,
and you do not cry in that case."
Should I keep reading the next chapter, Mr. Raymond?
Uh, no, no. We'll pick up there Monday.
One new message.
Hello, Miles. It's Maya.
Thanks for your letter.
I-I would have called sooner,
but I think I needed some time to think about everything that happened...
and what you wrote to me.
Another reason, um, I didn't call you sooner...
is because I wanted to finish your book, which I finally did last night.
And I think it's really lovely, Miles.
You're so good with words.
Who cares if it's not getting published?
There are so many beautiful and... painful things about it.
Did you really go through all that?
Must have been awful.
And the sister character... geez, what a wreck.
But I have to say that, well, I was really confused by the ending.
I mean, did the father finally commit suicide, or what?
It's driving me crazy.
Anyway,
it's turned cold and rainy here lately,
but I like winter.
So, listen, if you ever do decide to come up here again, you should let me know.
I would say stop by the restaurant, but to tell you the truth,
I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna be working there...
because I'm going to graduate soon.
So I'll probably want to relocate.
I mean, we'll see.
Anyway, like I said, I really loved your novel.
Don't give up, Miles. Keep writing.
I hope you're well.
Bye.