Everyone thinks Harlem was the capital of jazz in the 1930s.
That all of New York flooded uptown at night to party till dawn.
Nice story, but unfortunately, it's just not true.
It was all happening in the little town of Passaic, New Jersey.
Passaic was the capital of jazz in the '20s and '30s...
...because of its own native son...
...Thomas "Fats" Waller...
...one of the greatest entertainers of all time.
Chapter 1, the birth of Fats Waller.
It all began right here, a hundred years ago...
...in Passaic, New Jersey.
Right here, on this block.
It was a different neighborhood then, but look here...
...he was born at 261 Main Street.
When he was young, he used to follow his father around the streets...
...because his father was a street minister.
He started playing piano, as I understand, out in the streets here in Passaic...
...on a harmonium.
Poor boy put on pounds faster than the price of aluminum.
One-forty-seven.
Thomas, you're gonna break Dr. Benton's scale.
You're getting worse.
Maybe that's why he would have to play a very huge instrument.
So he would spend nights here, at the great organ.
Fats used the church as his training ground.
And soon, all of Passaic would know his name.
Fats lived his life all in excess.
Loads of music, loads of food and loads of women.
Who would expect a simple influenza virus would get him in his bed?
A sleeping-train bed, though.
But still, the train had been stopped in the freezing cold winter...
...in the train station in Kansas City.
Fats, are you okay? Fats? You okay?
Is there a doctor on the train?
Fats was the star that made the whole town shine.
Hey, Jerry, hand me Number 9.
I will give you.
- Okay. All right. - Number 9.
Handing you number.
- Would you shut up? - Number 9.
Could you just paint and be quiet, please?
Knock it off.
It's terrible.
- What the duck, Jerry? - What?
I asked you to give me Number 9, the nose.
Yeah, that's what I did.
No, you didn't. This is Number 6. This is the eye.
All right, well, how am I supposed to tell the difference between a six and a nine?
Because we did both the eyes already, you doofus.
Come on, get organized.
I told you, put the finished ones in a separate pile.
Look, what's the difference, man?
A nostril and an upside-down eye are the same anyway. It looks fine.
Oh, is that supposed to be funny? Are you trying to say Fats had big nostrils?
- Jerry. - Hi, officer, how's it going?
Look what happened. Last night, some hoodlums came and did...
- Oh, really? - ...all this stuff here, this...
- Here we go again. - It's disgusting.
- I hate graffiti. - Yeah, they even left the ladder.
That's, like, evidence. We should confiscate it.
- Catch them. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
You're getting on my nerves.
You keep this up, you'll be spending the night in jail.
- Okay. - Moron.
If... If they come back for the ladder, we'll catch them.
Hey, fellas, is that supposed to be Biggie Smalls or something?
No, man, that's that dead old blues guy, Louis Armstrong.
No, my ignorant little buddies, this is Fats Waller.
- Really? - Famous jazz musician.
He was born in my building about a hundred years ago.
- Ice cream, anyone? - Oh, yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
Mr. Fletcher, you know, really, seriously...
...if you don't like the painting, you can... You can tell me.
I know that there's something wrong with the nose, I don't know if you noticed.
What about the authorities, Mike?
The city already has issues with the building as it is.
Mr. Fletcher, you don't have to worry about the police.
- I worked my magic on them. - Yeah, he did confuse them.
Okay, they think some gangsters did it.
- And you confused them? - Yeah, with my finesse.
Yeah, I feel great. You sure this is gonna bring us more customers?
I hope so. I mean, anyway, don't you think it's time the people around here...
...started to learn a bit little about, you know, the history of their neighborhood?
I mean, people don't even know who Fats is.
- It's a little embarrassing. - Hey. Hey. That's not true.
- We know who Fats Waller is. - Is that right?
Bet you can't sing a jazz song.
- Oh, challenge. - Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
That's not jazz.
Fuzzy, oh, oh.
Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear Fuzzy jazzy had no hair.
Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?
Yes, he was, he was Fuzzy Had a fuzzy face.
Check this out and let me say One thing to you.
Watch me play my fuzzy bass.
Standup bass.
I'm sorry, Mr. Fletcher.
It's all right, Jerry. I got it.
Actually, you gotta go back to work.
Duty calls. You gotta go back to the microwave.
I think I saw one of your creations just roll by.
- Turn the microwave on high. - You think it's a joke?
Let me tell you, you're gonna be responsible for my brain tumor.
- All of you guys are. - Where the hell is Jerry?
Man, what's her problem?
She said she wanted a sporty car, now she's freaking out.
You did that?
- I don't want this. - Don't forget your salad bowl.
I told you she wouldn't be into them big pipes.
Polish or not, she's still a girl.
Come on, Wilson. She couldn't get the doors open.
Well, she could have went through the window.
These damn helmets.
I don't think they're helping with the microwaves at all.
Oh, you'll thank me.
- All right, I'll see you in the morning. - All right, thanks.
Good night, Mike. Don't forget to turn out the lights.
Good night, Mr. Fletcher.
A rent party was the place to be in the '20s and '30s.
They were jumping.
If you didn't have enough money to cover your rent...
...you'd invite a few musicians, charge for drinks, and you'd get it on.
Everybody would throw just a little bit in the pot.
A dollar, whatever they could spare.
Jerry doesn't believe you've ever been to a rent party, Mr. Fletcher.
What are you talking about? I never said that.
Oh, man, I used to go to all of them.
That's where I'd meet all the girls on Saturday night.
I can't imagine you with a girl, Mr. Fletcher.
Oh, nice, that's great. That's perfect.
Yeah, what about you, Jerry?
I don't see much action coming out of your trailer at night.
When I was your age, my balls were flapping so hard...
...I had to scrape them off the ground and beg them to come home with me.
- Come on, balls. - Yeah, come on.
Come on. That's hilarious.
What about you, Mike?
When was the last time you heard some action coming out of his room?
Why are you all worried about me for?
I heard some action sometime.
Now, it's more like a trumpet solo.
Trumpet solo.
Could you close your mouth when you chew? Thanks.
How come you never got married, Mr. Fletcher?
Well, the common story is...
...the girl that you was gonna ask, you waited too long to ask...
...and she went on and married somebody else.
And then you can't find anybody that compared to her.
So, what happens? You get old.
Obviously we're looking at a real improvement in quality of life.
These brand-new condominiums are gonna bring us...
...the fresh blood that we need for our community...
...and transform this slum forever.
"Slum"? Hey, this is not a slum.
Hey, sure, the place needs a few repairs, but I'm taking care of it.
Look, look, business is about to pick up.
I can feel it.
I'm sorry, Mr. Fletcher, but the building is condemned.
It violates structural, fire and plumbing standards.
I don't see wheelchair access.
Your video store is a tenement.
You have 60 days from this notice of demolition...
...to bring it up to code, otherwise we will have to demolish it.
- But we will relocate you... - Yes.
...to a property of proportionate fair-market value.
Projects aren't so bad, you know.
Move to the projects?
How am I gonna tell Mike?
Look, I just wanna improve the life of the people of Passaic, that's all.
You know, you don't have to pay me this month, Mr. Fletcher. I'm okay.
Don't worry about the money, Mike. I'll pay you soon.
In fact, I... I need for you to take over for me.
- You're retiring? - Oh, no, no, no.
This year's the 60th anniversary of Fats' death.
And there's a ceremony that's being organized in commemoration.
We gonna all get together in that abandoned train where he died...
...and we're gonna play his records until morning.
- Oh, wow. - Yeah.
I wanna come. Can I come with you?
No.
I just told you, I need you to take over for me.
Oh, right, right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay.
You want me to just run the shop while you're gone?
You think I could do that?
You tell me.
I'm not gonna let you down, Mr. Fletcher.
Good, just don't set the place on fire.
Oh, no. Service, quality, safety, you can count on that.
Excellent.
Here's something really important:
You must never...
Slam the door, because the building will collapse.
No, Mike. I mean, yes, but that's not what I wanted to say.
- You must never... - Use the VCR to rewind the tapes...
No. Why do you always have to finish my sentences?
- Okay, just listen. - Okay. I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Okay, you must... Damn it.
Now I forgot what I had to say.
- But it's very... - Lock the door.
- Mr. Fletcher, have a good trip. - I'll have a good trip.
Take some pictures and call me.
Oh, yes, yes. I... I remember.
See, you wanted to finish my sentence.
- I lost my focus. I can't... - No, no. I was listening. I was listening.
Hey, Mike. Mike. Keep Jerry...
I can't hear you.
Keep Jerry out. Out, out.
What? I don't know what that means.
"Peek your edge too. Peek your edge..."
"Tuo. Too. Peek your edge too."
That's what it is.
I just found out something sad today.
Mr. Fletcher can't spell.
Maybe his parents couldn't afford school.
Did he have parents?
- Yeah. - Interesting.
Don't mention this to anybody.
- Just keep this between us. Don't... - Of course not, that would be racist.
Peek your... Pick.
Your age. Pick your age.
He's talking gibberish.
It's nonsense, but it's not his fault.
The power plant's controlling us. I know it.
- Through microwaves. - Mm-hm.
They're using it to make us do things.
To buy things, to accept things.
And who...? Who...? Who are they? Who are "they"?
The government, the FBI, of course.
- And I say no more. - Right.
I'm gonna sabotage the power plant tonight...
...and you're gonna help me.
Look, I got a map. Completely worked out.
We short-circuit this with whatever that thing is.
And that blows up the transformer.
All we gotta do is climb the fence...
...and throw this sweet grappling hook right into the transformer. Boom.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
This, my friend, is your camouflage.
Camouflage.
Bones.
We need that electricity.
You know, we got the machines, we... And nobody rewinds the tapes.
- This is more important than that. - You gotta rewind the tapes.
That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard.
It's totally non-sequitury, what you're saying to me.
- It's a lame excuse? - Yeah, it's lame.
Really? And the power plant is controlling us?
That's not nonsense? That's not paranoia?
Okay, it sounds crazy, and you know why?
- Because it's affecting my brain too. - Mm-hm.
It's paranizing it.
Mr. Fletcher left me in charge of the store.
Me. He trusted me with the store. Do you know what that means?
No, actually I don't. Maybe you could explain it to me.
- It means that I'm not doing this. - What?
- I'm not doing this with you. - Okay.
So you'll just do anything Mr. Fletcher says...
...even though, by the way, he's not your real father.
- So... So what? - And he's completely illiterate.
- He's not... - But you won't do anything for me...
...your best friend, who has a melting brain.
Can I...? Can I...? Can I help you make a selection? Because if not...
...I'm gonna have to ask you to make space for the other customers.
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize it was rush hour.
I won't bother you anymore.
You know, it does get busy unexpectedly.
And you know, he's not illiterate.
First of all, because if he was illiterate, smart guy...
...he wouldn't be able to write:
"Peek your edge too."
Which is... It's probably Buddhist or something.
It's like... Like a chant.
"Peek your... Pick your edge too."
- Smart guy. - I'm not saying he's illiterate.
I mean, he could just use some night-schooling to perfect his spelling.
Just go.
Slow. Slower.
You all right?
Come on over. It's easy.
Freeze.
They always come at night and bother me.
- Oh, come on, it's my turn tonight. - No way. This is my baby.
Department of Homeland Security.
Wake up.
Be invisible.
Shh, did you hear something?
Yeah.
There's that ladder again.
What do you think?
I don't know, some kind of ladder gang or something?
Oh, the ladder gang.
Let's go get some ice cream.
- "Peek your edge too." - What's so funny?
"Keep Jerry out."
- Who cares about that right now? - He's not illiterate. "Keep Jerry out."
- He's not illiterate. - Who cares? Get over...
- What are you doing? - I can't be here for this.
What are you doing? Mike, no. Mike.
- Mike, put that ladder back. - I can't let you in the store.
- Mike, you're coming over the thing. - Mr. Fletcher trusted me.
Mr. Fletcher's not gonna yell at you, he's way too laid back.
I know he's not gonna yell at me. That's part of the problem.
He's very good to me. I can't let him down. I can't disappoint him.
Listen, you don't need me.
- You're almost there. - I'll never speak to you.
I will never speak to you again.
Mike! Mike!
Traitor.
I'll do it alone, baby.
Solo mission.
Solo sabotage.
Mike! Come back!
No, Jerry, no.
No. No. You have to go.
You see the signs? "Keep Jerry out."
This is in, that's out.
Go home, take a shower, lie down.
Oh, come on.
Get out of the street. Get out of the street.
Wipe your face. Jesus. Stand right there.
I'll get you some water.
Don't move, just wait a minute.
Oh, you feeling better now?
Mike, aren't you gonna ask me how the sabotage went?
No, I wasn't, actually.
Oh, come on, ask me how the sabotage went.
Okay, how'd the sabotage go?
Terrible. It was a two-man operation.
- It was a two-person sabotage. - Shh.
Ma'am, if you need any help, just let me know.
How about if I need any help? Should I let you know?
- I wasn't talking to you. - Yeah, apparently not.
Thanks.
Oh, that's not in alphabetical order.
I know that, it's the new order. Excuse me.
- Do you work here? I don't think so. - Jerry.
Haven't you heard about the new West Coast Video...
...more efficient, non-alphabetical order...
...Miss I-Know-Where-to-Put-the-Videos?
No, it's time for me to educate your customers.
Do you put everything in your house in alphabetical order?
- Like all of your food in the refrigerator? - You know, maybe...
- Apples, bananas, carrots. - She might, and that would be fine...
- Ding-Dongs. - ...because she didn't do anything wrong.
You know what I just realized? I bet she's super-organized.
She's really like: I hate those kind of people.
- You are incredibly rude. - Don't attack me, lady.
- You're incredibly rude, mister. - Are you done yelling in my ear?
- I'm sorry, ma'am. - I'm sorry.
Did I put your forks into the spoon drawer?
- Go home. - Don't put the TV next to the radio.
- Why don't you just go, go, go? - Get some rest.
- Lunatic! - You're the cuckoo. Hey. Hey.
Don't put the shoes in the refrigerator, because they'll get cold.
- Wow... - Dumb broad.
- I am really, really sorry. - Yeah.
He's a veteran, actually.
He's had a lot of exposure to, you know, chemicals and stuff.
If there's anything you need, we got... We got books, we got albums.
I got some refreshments in the icebox.
Okay, I appreciate it.
You're welcome.
Fletcher...
...you'll pull through. Every time you think it's the end, you always pull through.
Look here, look here, Mo. I wish it was that easy, man.
But not this time.
I can't adapt, and that's why I'm broke.
Fletcher, this is America.
Anybody can make money.
But you... No, let me show you something.
We made a ton of money with this little thing.
- What, this is a dish-squirting brush? - Mm-hm.
- And the soap goes in here? - Yep. Yep.
- A great idea. - You know, the squirting idea...
...has been around for years.
But we didn't make squat until we added this.
A stainless-steel cover on the handle.
People going crazy over it.
- Man, our sales increased 800 percent. - What?
And we expanded our market share tenfold in two years.
You need to go visit all of the successful renting businesses...
...and learn and adapt. You said you can't adapt.
Adapt. Then just give the people what they want.
- That's all you gotta do. - Give the people what they want.
Hello?
Hello, Miss Falewicz? It's...
I... I know who this is, Mr. Fletcher.
I... I was hoping to hear from you.
I was calling regarding the tape of Driving Miss Daisy.
Mike told me you still have it.
Oh, do I?
Well, I'll find it and... And bring it by tomorrow.
Oh, no hurry. I'm... I'm out of town anyway.
I'm doing a little work and doing a little research.
Oh? Well, how long will you be gone?
- A week at the most. - Really.
- Can I ask a favor? - Yes.
Would you keep an eye out on Jerry for me while I'm gone?
He destroys everything he touches.
Hi, good morning.
- It's blank. - I'm sorry?
Rewound this tape all over, and it's blank.
Really? Did you check the...?
Sure did. Checked that.
You know, sometimes you gotta use head cleaner...
Okay. I did that, actually.
It'll eat the tapes.
I'll just pop it in, see what's going on.
Excuse me, this video don't work.
- Sorry? - It don't work.
It does... It won't play?
No, I rewound it, I played it and everything.
It's nothing but fuzz. Yeah, like that.
Huh. Is your VCR NTSC?
No, it's brand-new.
Do you always blame everything on the customer?
- No, not at all. - Where is...?
Where's...? Where's Mr. Fletcher?
He's away on a... On a memorial trip...
...so he left me in charge as manager of the store.
So you know what I'm gonna do?
Both of you, free of charge, can have any two tapes that you'd like in the shop.
No, thanks. What I would like is to be reimbursed my dollar.
- Okay. - Because I've had enough.
Okay. Is there anything that I could do to make...?
No, just my dollar.
I'll just... I was just...
- I'm really sorry about all this. - Unfortunate.
Yeah, the whole thing is unfortunate.
This button... I'm really... Okay.
That one right there.
I tried... Oh, that's not it either.
You know what? I think I have a dollar.
- Okay, there it is. - Good. Okay, great.
I'm really very sorry about that.
Thank you.
You don't have to mention this to Mr. Fletcher.
- Give me my dollar. - You can have it.
Okay, not... Not a problem. I'm sorry about that.
- Uh-huh. - All right, I got these two.
Okay, that's... Okay, not a problem.
Stop.
No! No!
All the tapes are blank.
The movies, all of them, they're all...
They're all gone, all the tapes are gone.
Where?
Mr. Fletcher's gonna flip when he sees this.
You know that look he has on his face. He's gonna be so disappointed...
...that he left me with this responsibility. Look, look, look.
What the duck? All the tapes are like this.
All the tapes. I tried every tape on this table.
Relax. It's the TV, Mike.
The TV's malfunctioning.
- It's not all the videotapes. Think about it. - Well, show me what it's doing.
Show me how... What was that?
Maybe that's the picture coming back. Wait, do... What was that?
Why is it doing that?
Does that happen when you do it?
No, it hasn't done that at all... Wow.
What is that?
Why is it doing that when you do that?
What is wrong with you?
You're magnetized.
You...
You erased these tapes.
It's you.
What happened during the sabotage attempt, Jerry?
I didn't sabotage the power plant, the power plant sabotaged me.
Really? The power plant sabotaged you?
- I'm gonna sabotage you. - I'm magnetized!
I'm not gonna get... Are you serious?
Sabotage a power plant? What are you, a superhero?
Don't do this, man.
You were right.
I did have the Driving Miss Daisy tape at home.
Oh, good, that's really good.
Thank you for returning the tape.
I like your ensemble.
Listen, I wanna rent Ghostbusters.
Ghostbusters.
Is that out?
Isn't that a horror movie?
- Really? - Yeah.
- That could be interesting. - Miss Falafelwicz...
- It's Falewicz. - It's actually got a lot of nudity in it.
- So... - Oh, you. Come on.
You're pulling my leg.
We're right in the middle of reorganizing.
That's why all the tapes are there like that. We're getting the stock together.
I think you should know that Mr. Fletcher...
...calls me every night at 8 p.m. just to see how I am.
And I think he would not be pleased to see his business go off the deep end...
...because some sort of boxing match going on on his premises.
- Oh, no, no, no. - I don't think so.
We're not boxing.
It's just... You know, it's just buddies...
...just, you know, horsing around.
- Yeah, well... - It's nothing, just boys.
What I can do is that I can get that to you first thing tomorrow morning.
No, I don't think so. Uh-uh.
I'm gonna come back before 7, when you close.
- Oh, okay. - And I really strongly suggest...
- ...that you get this place in order fast. - Okay, well...
- Have a good day. - Yeah.
She's a communist. I don't like commies.
- I gotta get some rest, I still feel sick. - Yeah?
Yeah, me too.
What time is it?
This is a message is for Mark.
I was wondering if you had a copy of Ghostbusters?
Hey, bro, is Pablo around?
I'm under a little bit of pressure here.
Do you have a copy of Ghostbusters that I could...? That I could borrow?
You do? Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh.
No, no, no. Because I don't need it on DVD.
I need it on... I need it on VHS.
Yeah, well, you know, they said that about laser discs too so...
Okay, take care.
Shit.
A clear image, even in the middle of the day.
It's as powerful as the sun.
Excuse me. Excuse me, sir, I'm sorry.
Do you...? Do you have Ghostbusters on VHS?
There's no VHS here, buddy.
Ho, ho, ho, Little Mikey?
What are you doing here, man?
- You know me? - Of course I know you, Mike.
Oh, I get it.
Old man Fletcher sent you by here to get a movie that he's missing.
He's too embarrassed to get it himself. Ain't that right?
- Now, ain't that right, Little Mikey? - No, no.
- Yeah, that's right! - No.
- Okay. - I call it like I see it.
- All right, you take... You take care. - I got you.
Tell me the truth, doc. How long have I got left?
Ten minutes.
Ten minutes?
This should help.
Miss Kobayashi had a fever of...
I'm Bill Murray, you're everybody else.
What, are you crazy? She's never gonna buy it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She doesn't know what the movie's supposed to look like.
The only thing that she knows is what's on this box.
She's never seen it before.
If we stay 10 feet away from the camera she's not gonna recognize us.
We come up with some special effects, we do it ourselves.
She's gonna be back in, like, two hours and 45 minutes.
She's on the phone with Fletcher every night.
The first scene is at the library.
And take that thing off, please.
Okay.
And action.
- Start over. Sorry, cut. - What?
I looked right in the lens.
- We gotta start over. - We can't start over.
- I looked right in the lens. - You just have to do one good take.
All right? Don't... Listen, what you're doing is good.
- I am doing good, right? - Just do the same thing.
- Yeah, just do the same thing. - Am I doing great?
- You're doing great, but don't look... - All right, you're doing good too...
- ...with the cinematography. - All right, thanks. Okay, good.
Go check the cards.
Check the cards.
You're doing... That's good, that's right. That's great. That's good.
- Put your head down, put your head down. - I can't see.
Go back to the shelf.
Suspecting nothing, and ghosts. Ghosts.
When you're walking down the street And you see a little ghost.
What you gonna Do about Ghostbusters?
- What? What? What is that? - That's the Ghostbusters theme song.
- No. - I'm pretty sure it is.
- About this stuff... - We've got one right there.
Let's get a closer look.
Hey, have you talked to Elvis lately?
We're moving on to stage two. We can capture her.
We have the megapixels. You just have to stay with me, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
Excuse me.
We got her. We did it, because we're Ghostbusters.
- All right. - Pound it.
I'm in the hotel reading area for children...
...and I'm getting a lot of creepy vibes.
I think I did hear something.
You heard something? Stay where you are, I'm on my way.
I got... I got slimed.
Okay, Wilson, go now. Wilson, now!
- Wilson? - Should I come in now?
- Yes, for duck's sake, now, Wilson. - I wasn't sure.
If you or any of your family have seen ectoplasmic apparitions...
...or heard funny noises in your attic...
Call Ghostbusters.
We're fully staffed and ready 24 hours a day...
...to fulfill your supernatural needs.
- We're ready to believe you. - We're ready to believe you.
Look at the refrigerator.
Hello, I need Ghostbusters, fast. There's a strange alien in my refrigerator.
- Okay, go. - Rock 'n' roll. How does it look?
- Amazing, very real. - Hey, come on. Yeah.
Okay, now, the next scene is the car screeching through the night.
- Okay. - Well, not night...
...because we're not in the night. We gotta just go with the day.
No, no, no. All dramatic scenes are shot at night.
You got... You gotta... You gotta shoot it at night.
- The day is fine. What are you doing? - And then, you also have to wet the floor.
- You wet the floor. - Would you stop?
That's just a waste of water. Would you stop?
Mike, I'm not gonna botch this job, man.
If you wanna do it in the day, you'll find somebody else.
Miss Falewicz will be back in less than an hour. We don't have time.
We just need a minimum amount of professionalism.
I can shoot a night scene in the day, give me the camera.
- No. - Give me the camera.
Let me just show you how you...
You... You cannot touch the camera. You're gonna erase everything that we've done.
Mike, look on the side of the camera. There's a button that says, "negative."
See? Makes it look like nighttime in the day. Am I right?
- Oh, there it goes. - Thank you, you're welcome.
Your face is negative, though. Don't.
- There's something we can do about that. - What?
- Okay, go. - All right.
- Close your eyes. - You're telling me that now?
Sorry. Good job.
Gotta run, got a date with a Ghostbuster.
Busting makes me feel good.
Okay, Wilson.
- Ghostbusters, open the door! - Wait, wait, do it one more time.
Ghostbusters, open the...
Are you the Gatekeeper or the Keymaster?
Are you the Keymaster? I want your key inside of me.
- Are you menstruating? - That's not from the...
Back off, I'm the scientist here.
I'm gonna open that refrigerator door.
Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.
We ionized it.
It was a complete particle reversal.
Can I go now?
As the 100-foot marshmallow man tried to kill them...
...they decided to reverse reality by crossing their beams.
Run, everyone, run. There's a Stay Puft Marsh...
Okay.
- Nice working with you, Dr. Venkman. - See you on the other side.
The end. Starring Bill Murray and other actors.
Written by Dan Aykroyd, directed by Ivan Reitman.
Ghostbusters.
Wait, wait. Miss Falewicz, Miss Falewicz. Hi. Hi.
- I was waiting for you. - Yeah, I'm here.
By the way, it looks a load better. Big improvement.
- Oh, yeah. We were just... - Mr. Fletcher will be pleased.
Yeah, we were doing... We were doing inventory here.
A nice and tidy house. First step to combating depression:
- To have an optimistic view of the future. - Hey, that sounds...
You know what I do whenever I'm feeling depressed?
- Oh, what's that? - I clean my house.
- Oh, really? - Honest to God, it clears the mind.
You'll see, in the morning when the sun comes in.
- Uh-huh. - Number one step for fighting depression.
Here it is, Miss Falewicz, there you go. Ghostbusters like you asked for.
When you're walking down the street.
- You know what, I... - And you see a little ghost.
- All right. - I have a... I have a...
I was gonna say I have a...
- What are you doing? I have a method. - What you gonna do?
- A foolproof method for fighting depression. - Ghostbusters.
You get a notebook and you, like, put four columns in it.
- And the first column is... - And you see a little ghost
- ...the effort you believe... - What you gonna do?
- ...the dreaded task will take... - Ghostbusters.
Tell me the other two tomorrow, because I'm really...
- Good movie you got there. - I'm focused on those first two.
Wait a sec, 1 dollar, one tape, one night, right?
- No, Miss Falewicz, it's not a problem. - I'm in it.
- It's okay. That's on us today. - Really?
- Uh-huh. - Thank you.
- You're welcome. Take care. - Enjoy the movie.
We should've had, like, a premiere of that thing or something.
- What? - What are you talking about, "what"?
She's not supposed to know that we're in the movie...
- ...because we're not in Ghostbusters. - Yeah? Maybe I want her to know...
- Maybe I am in Ghostbusters. - Why is it...?
- Because I'm proud of my work. - Oh, you're...
- Oh, my God. - Mike, you have zero ambition.
- What's...? - That's your problem.
You're gonna be stuck in this dump for the rest of your life.
Good night.
Wh...? What? What? What's a dump?
What's a dump? My... My shop is a dump?
You live in a junkyard.
Not just the store, the whole city is a swamp.
- It's a swamp now? - Yeah, a dump swamp.
When you get stuck here, you're stuck for life.
Come on, Mike, what is so great about this town? Huh?
- The people. - The people?
You're gonna make me cry. The people.
The only reason there's anybody here is because they have nowhere to go.
Why don't you...? Why don't you go somewhere, Mr. "Junkman"?
We got a customer. We got a customer.
- Mr... Mr. Jack. - Hi, how you doing?
Yeah, actually, we're closed.
- I'm actually open later... - It'll just take a moment, guys.
- Rush Hour 2, that's all. - Excellent choice.
It's out. But you come back tomorrow, and I can... I can get you Ghostbusters.
Seen it. Jaws?
- Whoa, what the duck? - Whoa, what was that?
How about Towering Inferno?
- I saw it. - Mr. Jack...
...if you just come back tomorrow.
I... I'll take care of all of that tomorrow, okay, Mr. Jack?
I can't believe you don't have Rush Hour 2. I'm gonna go to West Coast Video.
No, you... No, you're not. Dude, you'd better...
You don't do that, you... Have some morals.
Just wait till tomorrow. I'll have Rush Hour 2 tomorrow.
Good!
Lee, I'm coming.
I'm taking the stairs.
Lee.
Cut, that was great.
Lee!
- Over here. - Lee, what you doing down there, man?
Carter, behind you. Behind you, look out.
Lee, this Chinese bamboo ain't gonna hold.
Don't worry, Carter, Chinese bamboo, very strong.
This Chinese bamboo ain't strong. I can't believe you got me out here.
Forget about the bamboo. We gotta go solve a crime.
Go in for the kiss now, Jerry. Go in for the kiss.
Go in for the kiss now. Go now, kiss him now.
Hold on.
Why do I have to kiss Wilson?
- She's the bad guy, right? - Right.
She's got the detonator... He's got the detonator in his hand.
You have the bomb in your mouth.
You have to press it against her to keep her from blowing your head off.
- I'm not kissing Wilson. - It's not a kiss!
I don't wanna kiss Wilson.
We've been working with him all day. We can't replace him.
- Could I just say something? - What?
I quit.
- Amateurs. I hate this movie. - Wilson...
Thanks, good work today.
Mike.
Mike, Mike. Listen to me.
Maybe you can understand that I don't want the whole neighborhood...
...to think I'm having a homosexual, interracial relationship with my mechanic.
Oh. Okay.
- So the interracial is the issue. - Okay, forget about the interracial thing...
...but kissing my mechanic is disturbing and inappropriate.
He could sue me for sexual harassment.
- Oh, yeah. - Okay, come on.
Mike, Mike, Mike. I got a better idea.
Follow me.
Right, yeah, There's a stain on this sweater.
- Okay. Okay. - You see what I'm talking about?
Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt.
We're moviemakers and we're making a movie around the corner.
And we have a kissing scene, and we need an actress...
...and you are amazing.
I'm sorry, I can't leave the store.
I have work to do, but my sister can.
- Alma. - What?
Come here.
These guys are making a film around the corner. They need a girl.
What kind of film are you making?
Actually it's like comedy, action, adventure.
- Like, the types of movies, you know... - I don't think you understand...
- Like what kind? - ...what we're offering you, though.
- We want you to be a movie star. - I told you I have to stay here.
I can't leave, but she should go, she's a really good actress.
- I was in the school play. - She was a fridge.
- A refrigerator? - Yeah.
So check it out. Okay, so I'm standing in the kitchen...
...and this is my door.
And then I had, like, to close my eye like this, and I go like that.
- Okay, we're gonna take a quick meeting. - That was the light.
- A quick producers' meeting. - It's the light.
- You got it. - She's horrible.
- What's the matter? She's... - She's the worst actress I've ever seen.
Listen to me, I know a woman...
...who works across the street at the diner, she's per...
Are you gonna kiss her or Wilson? Because that's what it is at this point.
- You gonna kiss her? - I hate you right now.
Okay, we did it.
- Guess what, we just had a meeting. - Yeah?
- You got the part. - I got the part?
- Oh, yeah. - So we should... We should go now...
...because we're actually...
- We're shooting right now. - Thank you so much.
It's gonna be fun. We're gonna makes some movies.
I'm sorry, can...? Can...? Can...?
- Is this yours? - Yes, it is.
- Can we use this just really quickly? - No, no, no.
- She just dropped this off to be cleaned. - Just really, really quickly.
- It'll be all right. - You don't have to do that.
We'll bring it back. We'll make sure it's in fine condition.
- What's your name? - Ann.
Ann. Miss Ann. Thank you so much.
We gotta make sure she gets a wardrobe credit.
She will get a credit for sure, and then some.
- I'm gonna be thinking about... - Thank you.
...parts for you in the future of our films.
Not you, however. You blew it.
I wanted to make you Marilyn Monroe.
- Now you're just gonna be the cleaner. - Okay, let's go. Thank you.
- Thank you for letting us use your sister. - Alma, keep your tongue in your mouth.
- We're gonna go down here. - It's Rush Hour 2...
...and you're gonna play the girl.
Action, guys.
What...?
- Oh, damn. Damn. - What was that?
Hold still.
- Stop. - Sorry. I'm sorry.
He got exposed to radioactive waves.
Are you radioactive?
Is it contagious? Am I gonna be radioactive now?
Not radioactive! Magnetized!
Give me my bottle.
I'm sorry, we didn't have a chance to... It's not contagious.
I'm just gonna check... Sorry. You're fine.
- This came out pretty good. - I'm fine?
- Not magnetized. - Uh-huh, yeah. Okay, good.
- Not magnetized. - What about your friend?
Huh?
Hey, Jerry. I'm really sorry about hurting your feelings.
I just, like... I got really scared about the radioactive stuff.
Yeah, I know. It's my fault, I should've warned you.
Yeah.
Is that you?
- I took the whole bottle. - Why would you do that, Jerry?
I just wanted to go to sleep. Am I gonna die?
Yeah, it's aspirin, not sleeping pills, you dummy. Why be a dummy?
You are not going to die, okay?
- If you do what I say, okay? - What's happening?
I need you to go to the bathroom...
...get me a bucket full of salt and water, right now.
- Salt, salt. - Okay?
Just sit down, relax.
- I'm gonna die. - No, you're not gonna die, I promise.
- I've done it before. - I have a good future.
Here, here. Drink it, drink it.
Good.
- You okay? - That was good.
Hey, look at me, I'm doing good.
Oh, that's me.
Oh, not again.
Why does he have to puke outside of the shop every time?
Oh, good, now he's gonna puke out all the bad stuff.
- You see? - But in front of the shop?
Hi. Sorry.
Wait, what's he doing now?
Oh, nice, nice. Pee.
- You guys are so weird. - It all came out in my pee.
Yeah.
Is his pee making it do that?
Thank God for my bladder.
Okay, good. Would you just finish and come inside?
Alma, I owe you one.
Let's test it out. Let's test it out.
Let's test it out. Is it warping the image still?
- No. No. - No? No?
- It worked. It's working. - I'm demagnetized, you're a genius.
- Thanks to me. - You saved my life.
- Hi, guys. - Hi, Mr. Jack.
- What are you looking at? - Oh, nothing.
We were just closing up, actually.
Yeah, so there it is.
I have to pay in mostly pennies. That's okay?
- Fine. That's... That's okay. - Thank you.
- Enjoy the movie.
Your pennies are always good here.
I'm gonna enjoy it, thank you.
Good night.
- Enjoy the movie? - Yeah, enjoy the movie.
We worked hard on it. It's gonna be good.
Yo, we gotta find new tapes. We're gonna get caught.
- We can't keep doing this. - What are you talking about?
It's going fine. So far, so good.
What? When Miss Falewicz sees "Ghostbusters"?
- Our version is better than the original. - She's gonna say something...
...to Mr. Fletcher. First of all, our version is only 20 minutes.
Yeah, but 20 minutes, it's all the brain can concentrate for.
It's the perfect duration. It's a biological fact.
- I study this, I know. - Yeah.
And besides, Miss Falewicz has never seen a science-fiction movie before.
She might think all of them are 20 minutes long. And isn't she a little kooky?
She probably won't even recognize us.
Y'all need to chill out, all right?
Craig?
- What's up, old lady? - Yo, come on in, guys.
Yo, Craig. What's up, man?
Dude, you gotta check this out, man.
My auntie got this from Fats' video store.
This is Ghostbusters.
- Roshambo. - Water.
- Laser. - Water.
- Whoa. Uh-oh. - Oh, no.
Miss Falewicz gave it to her nephew.
It looks like they were disappointed with the video.
- Come on, guys. - Do they have guns?
I can clearly see you hiding behind the counter.
We was closed, something's wrong with these lights.
- What's wrong with you? - Nothing.
Y'all open now.
That wasn't bad. What else y'all got?
- The whole store. - No. No.
We actually... We only have Rush Hour 2.
No, man, he said the whole store.
- Why you lie to me, man? - I'm not lying.
Guys, make your choice.
- What is wrong with you? - It just came out.
What you got?
Right. Yeah, that's for...
Hey, man, hand me one of them little mint jump off, right there.
We'd love to rent you out these videos today...
...but Mr. Fletcher, right, he called.
- Oh, yeah. - We got the new policy.
Two videos per day, per account, so...
All right then, let me open an account right now.
Yeah, man. Sign away.
We're gonna need your picture ID, your phone bill...
...your last three rent receipts, your grades...
...a letter from your mother if you're a minor...
...the last three countries you visited prior to this trip...
...your 10 favorite films and your blood type.
You know, you're real lucky we don't beat up girls.
- Word. - For real.
Except Craig's aunt.
Shut up, stupid.
We'll be back with all the necessary documents.
We still have two to choose, right?
Here you go, you pick two of those and we'll be...
That's my choice.
- You guys pick the other one. - No, no, no.
You get to pick your choice, and we gotta fight over ours?
- Yeah. - What kind of democracy is that?
Man, who told you this was a democracy?
Hey, hey, you guys, you guys.
You guys, listen. You guys!
Life without civilization is brutal...
...nasty and short.
If you're gonna come around here...
...and spread pizza all over the walls with gats...
...you're gonna miss out on some good movies.
So this is what I'm saying.
I'm gonna put all of these videos into this bag.
Alma, you're gonna pick out two of these videos at random.
Totally random. It's the only way to do it civilized.
And everyone will survive. Pick it out. Shake it, shake it, shake it.
- Here they are. - These are your choices.
Done.
How the hell?
Okay, who's the baby that picked The Lion King? Hm?
Someone did.
- What? - Yeah.
But we will have them for you at 4 p.m. tomorrow...
...as long as you give us $20 right now.
Twenty dollars? Yo, that's a complete rip-off.
No, no, no. These are custom made. Sweded.
- Sweded. - It's a very rare type of video.
- Swede? Like Sweden? - Yeah, Sweded.
- It's a country, not a verb. - Exactly. That's why it's expensive.
Because it's a faraway, expensive country.
- It's imported. - Sweded.
A toast. Twenty bucks in one day. That's never happened at Be Kind Rewind.
- That's never happened. Never. - Never happened at all?
- Nice with the civilization theory. - Right?
- I gotta say, that was nice. - I pulled that out.
I do some thinking at night.
If I can't sleep, I'm just thinking about stuff.
- Who picked The Lion King? - That's what I was wondering.
The big guy, maybe. One of those guys picked The Lion King.
It was me.
- You snuck it in there? - Yeah.
You're a badass.
See, well, Pocahontas used to be, like, my favorite movie, right?
But then I couldn't find it when you got the bag idea...
...so I just picked Lion King instead.
It is such a good movie too. I cry every time when the father dies.
Oh, man, I love The Lion King too. It's my favorite picture, man.
My mom loved it.
- It's awesome. - You like it too?
- Yeah, it's awesome. - It's deeply deep.
- Oh, yeah. - Because the uncle...
- ...kills the nephew's father. - His father...
- ...which is his brother. - That's his brother.
He kills his own brother, right? That's some heavy, Shapeskearian shit.
What's funny?
- Shape... Nothing. - Well, you know...
Does anybody have any ideas, Lion King lady...
...about how we're supposed to shoot an animated film?
Roar! I am the king!
Roar! Jerry, I kind of see your head.
- What? - It doesn't look real.
Well, Alma, stay on the voices.
We'll be in charge of the bodies and motion.
- Okay. - I need you to say this:
"I'm gonna piss on the graves of your ancestors. "
- It's important in the story, Alma. - Don't say that.
Roar!
I'm going to piss on the heads of your ancestors!
No, wait. Hold on. This is a children's movie.
This is the sequel. We're doing part two.
Less choice...
...more copies of the same movie.
Simplified categorization of genre.
Sir?
Hi.
Noticeable outfit and big badge on employee.
Sir, are you sure I can't help you?
You've been here for the last two hours, you can't seem to make up your mind.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Do you carry a copy of Stormy Weather?
- What? - No specific...
...knowledge required.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Okay. Very helpful.
- That's it. - Shoot him, Robo.
I'm taking you downtown.
- I'm coming to get you now... - Well, you're gonna get shot.
...with my gun.
And there's more where that came from...
- No! - ...for you, cop lady.
Y'all still shooting, man?
- Yeah, we... - Four o' clock.
Y'all were supposed to be done. I've been out there for 20 minutes.
- Don't worry. I can handle this guy. - No, no, I got it, man.
- Let me show you how to do this, man. - We almost done.
I will shoot you and I know robot karate.
I got something for you, man.
What do you think you're...? I'll take you to the...
- Robo! - Yeah.
- You want some? Yeah, you want some? - No.
- Stay back. - I'm wounded!
I'm giving you till the count of three...
- ...to drop your weapon. - Yeah, uh-huh.
That's not funny, y'all.
- Cut. - Whatever, y'all.
- It's kind of funny. - No, it's part of the movie.
- That was good. - It went really well.
- I like your badge. - Thanks, I made it myself.
Great. Just... Who are these people?
- Oh, my God. - Let's go.
Let's go before they see us.
Mike! Mike! Over here!
Lookit, okay? You're gonna smile.
Pretend like you know what you're doing, okay?
- I'm gonna take care of the rest. Yes. - No.
This was really great...
...but it's too short. It's so good, it should be longer.
Anyway, I told all my friends, and they're excited.
- They want to join the store. - Bring them in.
Okay.
Okay, it's open!
Form two lines.
Rentals on the right and returns on the left.
The store policy is also...
...two rentals per customer.
Maybe you'd like to get a film you didn't know about.
Okay, guys, I'm accepting applications in this line right here.
- Hi. - Hi.
- What would you like? - This one Sweded, please.
Okay. Let me just check to see if you have the proper documents.
It seems like you have a lot of Cs.
I don't even think you really should have passed.
So we're gonna need a $20 supplement fee for averageness.
- Are you insane? Twenty dollars? - I'm sorry.
I don't make the rules, I just have to enforce them.
You're crazy. You're insane.
- I'm leaving. - You can bend a rule a little.
- Your movies suck anyway! - No.
Next!
- Excuse me. - Jerry.
I am RoboCop.
I heard there was a disturbance...
...at Be Kind Rewind video store.
Mr. RoboCop, may I have an autograph, please?
- For my grandson? - Me too, me too.
Anything you say can and will be held against you...
...in a court of RoboCop.
Miss Falewicz.
- Hi, Miss Falewicz. - Yeah.
- Can you Swede this for me? - Oh, Driving Miss Daisy.
I'd really rather not do this one.
I really never really got this movie.
I thought it was a little condescending.
It's... It's a lovely movie. Full of generosity and giving.
- She teaches him to read. - I know, ma'am.
How many movies have that kind of heart?
Okay.
Hoke, that's the spot. Pull over the car.
- Stop the car right... Hoke! - This is not the spot.
Are you...? Are you deaf?
- I wish I was deaf. - This is the spot.
Who is that hussy chasing after us?
- Be gone, hussy. Hoke... - You know we're not filming any of it?
- We're just scouting. - I know, I'm just practicing.
I'm staying in character. Come on, dude.
Let's keep in character, okay?
- All right. Mm-hm. - Come around the side and help me.
Help me get out of the car.
- Hoke! - Yes, ma'am.
- Jerry, have you ever seen the movie? - Hoke.
She doesn't act like that.
Don't you talk to me like that, young missy.
- She doesn't act like that. - You stay over there.
Hoke, go and find me the grave that says Werthan on it.
Go like the wind, run.
Run, Hoke. Please.
W-E-R-T-H-E-N.
Hoke, can you hear me?
Oh, no, Hoke.
You're illiterate, aren't you?
- Jerry. - I'll teach you how to read.
A "W" is like a mountain upside down.
Isn't that clever?
Now, what happens if you add an "er"...
- ...to the "W"? - Mike!
- What do you think? - You get...
- Wer. - Wer!
Add a "then," what do you get?
- Okay, Jerry, stop. - Wer...
- Would you stop? - No.
- Wer... - Werthan, Werthan, Werthan, Werthan!
Werthan, Werthan, Werthan, Werthan!
- Mike. - Knock it off.
Mike, what are you doing?
- Are we shooting? - Jerry, come back.
Jerry.
- Hey. - Don't mess around. I'm not in the mood.
You know, I was in character.
- I know. - He didn't have to take it so personally.
Well, apparently he did. Jerry, like, you crossed the line a little bit.
Don't you think I have my share of humiliation?
Who keeps on giving the orders all day? He does.
- Uh-huh. - Who keeps taking them?
- Well, I kind of do all the time. - No, no, no, no.
Me. And why should I?
- Things have changed. - Uh-huh.
People recognize me in the street.
- Right, Simon? - Yeah.
Yeah. Yup.
- Yeah. - They love me. I want my own trailer.
You have a trailer, okay?
That is where you live.
- Is that spit on there? - Yes.
- Come on. - Everybody does know you on the street...
...because all you do is go from your shop to Mr. Fletcher's and back.
- It's true. - No, you don't get it.
They look at me in a different way, with love and resp...
- I'm a star. - You are a star.
I want my own trailer next to my trailer.
A movie trailer. That trailer doesn't count.
Get up, Jerry.
- Everybody's ready. - It's my time!
Ali's the man!
Ali! Ali! Ali!
It's okay. We're not suggesting...
As far as Foreman goes, he was devastating that punching bag...
...and we writers were so frightened for Ali...
- ...that we were... - It's incredible.
The pilots are black, I'm black, the whole plane is black...
...and we're not crashing.
Dave, it's me, HAL.
I'm afraid I can't open the pod doors, Dave.
Why don't you take a jog around the space capsule?
Okay, I'm ready. Go.
Alma! This is ketchup.
- You said you were gonna use Kool-Aid! - Sorry.
God, Alma.
Oh, where's the driver?
All right.
We gotta stop off and pick up an Enquirer.
Find out what the aliens are doing.
We're upside down! Look, I'm upside down.
The whole universe is in a marble!
I'm glad you have come to your senses.
I have a list of addresses here for you to visit.
Hey, hey. No, no, no.
Tomorrow, I am starting a progressive transition...
...to a modern medium: the DVD.
You see, I've found these affordable DVD players...
...that I'm going to recommend to my customers.
Within a couple of months, half of my catalog...
...will be digital. The rest, by the end of the year.
Which means more titles in the same space...
...and more business.
Listen, if you don't want the building demolished...
...then you're going to have to make these renovations...
...with one of the city's licensed contractors.
Do you have any idea of the kind of costs we're talking about here?
Here's an estimate of the cost to repair the roof.
And that's the bare minimum of work needed. I...
- I just don't see it happening. - Okay.
Okay, what?
I'll fix the roof.
Fine.
You now have six weeks before Mr. Baker brings the demolition crew...
...then you're going to have to relocate yourself at your own expense.
Next!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, he cut the line!
- Hey, gramps. - Hey.
Back of the line. I've been waiting an hour out there.
- Yeah. - I came all the way from New York.
New York, for real?
- Mike and Jerry are famous there? - No.
- Hey, back out. - My... My shop.
I'm really sorry, sir, but you're going to have to go to the back of the line.
- I can't afford a riot in the shop. - No, this is my business.
Can somebody explain to me what's going on here?
- Hey, Mike! Where's Mikey? Mike! - Mr. Fletcher.
- What's going on, man? - Oh, hey.
I can... I can explain everything.
Something terrible happened with the tapes.
They all got erased.
I know you didn't want Jerry to come into the store...
- ...but... - Jerry?
All right, this is the last autograph. My fingers are getting tired. I'm serious.
- Oh, man. - I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Let me take your bag for you, then I can explain...
Uh-oh, who's back? Mr. Fletchy. Hey, welcome home, man.
I got the slogan. Check it out:
"Be Kind Rewind, Videos à la Carte.
You name it, we shoot it.
Be Kind Rewind, Videos à la Carte."
- Jerry. - That's great. I think he gets it.
- Thanks, Jerry. - It's snappy. Just put a little drums under it.
- We'll just... - I didn't mean to scream at you.
- I didn't know that you were the boss. - You know what I mean?
Listen, kids. I appreciate your creativity...
...but let's be realistic for a second.
We will never hit that number, and the building will be gone.
Oh, no, Mr. Fletcher. We can do it.
We've... We've been doing really, really good.
You know, we've been working hard. We grow every day.
It's far from enough. We need to adapt to the market.
So to hell with documentaries...
...oldies, cult movies.
We need to simplify.
Two sections.
Action-adventures, comedies. That's it.
We got to keep the silent movies, the Fats movies.
No, no. Quiet. I don't wanna hear any more about Fats Waller.
New rules apply from tomorrow morning.
Oh, and I forgot.
DVDs.
DVD, what?
No more tapes.
The entire catalog has to be on DVD by the end of the year.
And our films?
Yours and whatever we rent from my store.
I don't know why he's doing this.
It's like everything that we've been doing...
...is just nothing? It's... Just like...
- We can't keep doing this. - No way.
We are doing better business than this store has ever done.
We're... We're celebrities now.
We're on the power list. He has to listen to us.
No. No, he don't. I should've known.
It's my fault. I should've known. He don't like... He don't like remakes.
It's worthless to him.
It's like I'm nothing to him. I just... I just work here.
Filthy little punk.
No way this punk kid gonna put his filth on my piano.
No, I erased all the tapes.
I'm the little punk.
Why is it always about you guys?
What about me?
What about Alma?
I wanna be a filthy punk too, you know?
These are not just simple remakes.
They are way more creative.
Of course, if the business maintains its current progress...
...we won't hit the objective.
But if we shorten the length of the films...
...we can shoot more of them.
And we will incrementally increase the increase of the income.
- Can you repeat the last...? - No, Alma.
- People will feel swindled. - Not if we include them in the films.
We'll give them parts to play.
This way: A, with their help, we can make more movies...
...B, the films can be shorter and they won't feel swindled.
They're not gonna feel cheated, they won't feel swindled...
- ...and they'll see their selves as a part... - Yes.
- ...of the neighborhood. - They'll become the stockholders...
...of their own happiness.
You guys, this is something we can build on.
If we do more movies in a shorter time, we can...
- We can rent more movies. - That's what I'm saying.
- Wait, that's what I just said. - I thought it before you said it.
- Doesn't matter who said it first. - No... Jerry.
We're all saying... We're all on the same page.
- I agree, I agree. - I wanna be a part of this team officially.
It's like... What do you call that, when snow falls...?
- Avalanche. - No, when... Snowballing.
- Snowballing. Getting bigger and bigger. - That's an avalanche.
And it incrementally increases the snowball size.
- Come on. Right here. I can feel this. - We need to do this.
- Go. - Explode! Big success.
Do you really wanna buy these expensive and overly complicated DVD players?
No. No way.
So for only $ 20, you can purchase this digital unit...
...you can simply tape or glue into your VCR...
...and then it upgrades into our Be Kind Rewind DVD player.
And only then is when you can play our Be Kind Rewind...
- That is good. - ...DVDs.
Vacation with Chevy Chase. Comedy, please.
- That's not Sweded yet. Sorry. - Comedy.
- The Jerk, action.
Wrong genre. That is a comedy.
I must exclude you for the day.
You can come back tomorrow. That's the new system.
You have to say the right thing.
Man, the new system sucks, man.
I'm sick and tired of all these rules.
- Hey, Lord of the Rings is not a comedy. - We didn't insult your new rules.
Now, listen. I want The Jerk...
- ...Sweden by tomorrow. - Sweded, Sweded.
- Sweded. - Sweded by tomorrow...
...or this little thing that's in your...
Let me see, let me see.
I'd be lying if I said I was not waiting for this opportunity...
...to teach you a lesson.
Mr. Fletcher, this is really hurting my arm, okay?
Listen, I apologize, okay?
- Good, good. - I... I will follow the new rules.
Good. But more importantly...
...you should never threaten your auntie again.
She works very hard to keep a roof over your head.
And these guys...
...are working very hard to save ours.
- You get my drift? - Yeah, I got it.
Thank you for the lesson.
Sounds like Fats Waller's back in the house.
It's... It's his house.
Now, my boy, do you know where our Fats...
...did record most of his tunes and why?
- I know that one. - I'm not sure.
- I know the answer. - Mike?
At RC A Studios in Camden.
They liked to drive there on the train on the way to the studio so they can get drunk.
Sometimes they didn't even get to the studio...
...because they would get in a fight or they'd get arrested.
Mr. Fletcher, I don't really see the connection with my lesson.
There is none. We changed the subject.
Set up the cameras over there.
We wanna get in the red car to do a little make-out session.
We're walking in the rain. It's kind of warm and fuzzy, and I kiss you.
And we're like young lovers.
Wow, these guys are good.
They can shoot any style.
We cast Jack and his friends.
- Whatever, man. - You hear what he's saying, man?
Yo, see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on. You want some of this, buddy?
I'm shooting him.
Oh, no. Derek!
Why?
Look at the pool of blood around him.
He's with Jesus.
What's happening to our 'hood? It's no good.
It's senseless, the violence.
Kids, I have to admit...
...I was wrong.
To movies with heart.
- And soul. - I remember the sandwiches too.
- We had pig ears. - Just look at Mr. Fletcher there.
- Pig ears and white bread. - I smell elephant.
You're the number one hunter in the world.
When you see that elephant, you know that you have to kill it.
- That's great. We did it. - And cut.
Now we're like animals.
I love you, I love you. I'm having sex with you.
We're nearly there. One more week.
"Jerry and Alma in..." "Jerry and Alma in..."
Jerry and Alma, Jerry and Alma, Jerry and Alma.
Are you jealous or something?
No. No, I'm not.
Forget about what I even said. Don't... I'm sorry.
Well... Well, really. I mean...
...how come he's always the one with you in the movies?
It's always him.
Well, Jerry said that you complained about my...
That is a dirty lie.
I never said a word about your mustache. I didn't say anything about it.
I never said my mustache.
Okay, so Jerry was telling the truth.
And that's why you never wanted to kiss me or anything.
No, no. I never complained about that.
Mike, I never said the word, and you did.
So how would you know, huh?
Because he complains about it all the time, to tell you the truth.
What's the difference?
- You think I have one, right? - No. Really, to be perfectly honest...
- ...I don't even think you have one. - I wish I was dead right now.
Just really quick. Let me see.
You know what? I don't see anything.
- I don't see anything. - You don't see it?
No.
Thanks.
Maybe I should give you a blind test.
Yeah, I think we need a blind test.
So?
Hey! You're trying to kiss me.
- Why not? - "Why not"?
- Are you in love with me? - Huh?
Mm-hm.
Well, how do I know that?
You know you're in love with a person...
...when you talk to them for a minimum of 20 minutes a day in your head.
What if I talk to a guy in my head for 20 minutes? What would that mean?
You're in love with Jerry.
- Huh? Ew, no. We're closed. - Yes, you are in love with Jerry.
- No, I'm not. - Hey, Mike, you hear the door?
Not at all. No, that's not... It c...
Listen, it could be anybody.
- Mr. T, Fats. - You are in love with him.
- I know it. - Mr. Elroy Fletcher.
Yes.
To whom it may concern...
...copyright infringement is punishable by state and federal law.
Now, I hold in my hand a restraining order from Trenton...
...and, actually, a warrant of seizure from Washington D.C.
- So you, the defendant... - What's up?
...have declined to attend the judgment proceedings...
...so the studios are coordinating to assess...
...the damages from... How many titles is it?
- Approximately 200. - Okay. So...
Oh, what do we have here?
- A record of rental. - Oh.
- What? - Two hundred titles times...
...how many average viewings?
Sixty-three times per tape.
Times 250,000 maximum in damages...
...and/or up to five years in prison...
- ...per offense. - Which adds up to...
...3. 15 billion dollars in fines...
...which would need to be paid back to the studios...
- I'll write you a check. - ...and/or...
...63,000 years in prison.
Which, of course, would have to be served before you could reopen the store.
But we made the movies ourselves.
- They're our... - And people like them.
You're... You're right. But technically, you're wrong. You see, these tapes...
...belong to the studios.
Look, it's written. FBI warning, right there.
It's at the beginning of the tape as well.
- But we erased that, so... - I think it's...
People come here because they want to see these movies.
That's why they come here. They're not interested in those formulaic big movies.
They're not interested in them. They don't wanna see them.
Sir. Sir. Taste has nothing to do with this.
Don't listen to them. Mr. Fletcher, you can kick them out.
- The entire film industry is crumbling... - They're trespassing.
...because of pirates and bootleggers.
And we intend to stop it. Right now, right here.
We're not selling boots, and we're not... We're not pirates.
- And we don't have viruses. - I'm sorry, Mr...
- Fletcher. - Mr. Fletcher.
I mean, look. I have a family too, okay?
I didn't say I do. I mean, what has this got to do about a family?
Nevertheless, this writ gives us permission...
...to destroy all your black-market tapes by the end of the day...
...and all of these assets in the store...
...are hereby seized to pay these penalties to the studios.
No, no, no. These are... No, no, no. Not the...
We just want to get in and out...
- ...as painlessly as possible. - Those are Sweded!
Hey, let him go.
Mr. Fletcher?
Mr. Fletcher.
I could save the building. I got a plan B.
This is a application to make it a historical landmark.
I can't believe that I didn't remember it before.
It's gonna be easy, because Fats was born here.
No, Mike, it's not so simple.
Why not? You can go get his birth certificate.
The address has got to be on the birth certificate. Go check the public records.
No, Mike, we can't provide any documents...
...to prove that Fats lived here.
You wanna know why?
Huh? You wanna know why?
- Because... - No, no.
- No, no, listen. - I don't wanna...
Now you don't want to finish my sentences, huh?
Boy, look here. I'll finish it.
We can't prove Fats Waller lived here...
...because he never did.
I think you should come one more time.
Just tell me why.
Well, they started as bedtime stories.
I was trying to make this place bearable for you.
And then I could never bring myself to tell you the truth.
Well, why Fats Waller?
You could have picked anybody.
I mean, Duke Ellington or Louis Armstrong or...
Fats was a happy man.
And I thought it would make you happy.
And it's true, I lied.
Now I'm going to hell, upstairs.
Here we are, we're the villains, right?
Hold that.
Mike!
We want more movies.
We want more movies!
Come on, baby.
Mike, wake up, baby. We need to make more movies.
- What are you doing? - Look at all these people here.
- We want more movies, man. - Yeah.
We cannot do these movies anymore. It's illegal.
You can make your own.
- I don't have ideas for movies, Jerry. - Oh, bullpucky.
You have got tons of ideas. Brilliant ideas.
I hear them, you mumble them in your sleep.
Mike, we can make any movie we want.
We don't have to make one... They can't sue us if we're making new ones.
Make whatever you want. Make Rush Hour 6, whatever.
You know what I mean?
Let's make Scary Town 5000.
We make it up, baby.
- You're the best director I know. - Wait a minute.
- And I'm the best actor...
- ...that I know. - I have an idea.
And together we're a team that can't be stopped!
Mike. Where did you go? Come back.
Come on, Mike.
I want Mr. Fletcher to see.
Mr. Fletcher.
Mr. Fletcher!
What do you need me for?
To hell with them, Mr. Fletcher.
We don't have to move to the projects if we don't want, we can stay right here.
How do we do that, exactly?
We're gonna make a movie, all of us.
All of these people came out to support us.
We're gonna make a movie together.
Like the city that saves itself?
No, no. Check it, check it.
We're gonna do a movie about Fats Waller's life.
Your hero, my hero.
And we don't need permission to make movies on our own.
This is for us to watch.
- The whole town is participating. - It'll be ours.
The movie could be called Fats Was Born in Passaic.
- Yeah! - Everybody knows I was lying.
- You gonna humiliate me again? - No. No, Mr. Fletcher.
No, he's trying to prove you were right.
Our past belongs to us, we can change it if we want.
Sure. My mom...
My mom saw Fats Waller playing...
Playing the piano right here in the Passaic Theater.
Sure. Anybody wanna say anything about that?
Yes, me.
My grandfather used to watch him play Bach every night in the church.
- There you go. - My great-uncle saved his life.
He took the train to Camden to record in the RCA studios.
He really did take the train to Camden.
That's right!
Mike. We only have a week before the demolition.
It's not a problem. That's okay.
We'll shoot the whole thing in a week.
And we could take donations to see the movie...
...and use the money to save the building.
- I'll play Fats. - No, no. You're not. I'm gonna play Fats.
We'll see who plays Fats.
- You're not gonna play Fats. - We'll see. There'll be an audition process.
No, there's not. You're not gonna play Fats.
- May the best man play Fats. - Okay.
Anyway, we should do it.
Good idea.
- Test, test, test. - It looks like it's working.
- I can't tell if it's working. - I think it's working...
- ...because this is pressed down. - All right.
- Test. I can't tell. - It's working.
- Yeah, that's... Okay. - It's working.
But it all started right here at 261 Main Street.
Miss Falewicz, can you tell us some of the true history of Fats Waller?
Fats was born in Mr. Fletcher's video store.
He was the youngest of seven children...
...and all of them died before they even got to be 5.
- Gangsters killed them all. - Yep.
- They came low-riding. - Yup, they just shot them. They were like:
- They were like ninjas. - Yeah.
But, boys, there's nothing fun about it.
- They were awful. - It was kind of fun, though...
...if you think about it.
What is the first instrument that Fats learned to play?
- From what I recall it was the piano. - I think it was the harmonium, actually.
Yes, she's correct.
And he moved on to play one of the biggest instruments in the music business.
And that's the organ.
He would spend nights here playing, like, Bach.
You know, here at the great organ here. Right here.
You guys, listen. There's a lot of different ways we can start the movie...
...but I'm just putting my vote in, we start at Fats' birth.
Boring.
Hey, man. I think we should have the gangsters. You know what I'm saying?
- With the: - I like that.
Everybody, listen, listen. Start with the death.
- But that's backwards. - No, it's not backwards at all.
That is like Citizen Kane. You are an original.
If you're going backwards...
...then do the people talk, like, backwards in the scene?
Ain't misbehavin' Saving all my lovin' for you.
You know... I'm fat. Fats is fat.
That's his name. So I thought I could...
You thought wrong. But let's have a conversation about this.
Just a brief conversation.
He's not even fat. I don't even think he looks like him at all.
- Be quiet. - Go outside.
Somebody's about to get knocked out.
Kansas City, the train station, the death scene.
Mr. Jack, Mr. Jack. It's going.
It's good. It's good. Thank you, Andrea.
- What the hell is a "harmoninium" anyway? - Harmonium.
Okay, what is it, just a weird thing that makes harmonies?
- It's fine. - I give up.
You got the keyboard here already.
Fats liked to tickle the piano, right?
So my hand touches the black keys, the white keys.
- It's wrong. - And then we tickle.
- Tickle, tickle, tickle. - Fats played a piano, not a finger machine.
- You gotta put something there with keys. - It's funny.
It's cheating. You're just lazy. You gotta put something in there.
Doesn't look very much like the '20s.
- It's clearly a bathtub. - This goes?
No, forget it. You know what? Forget it. I got a better idea.
We gotta have a bunch of them anyway. You know what I'm thinking?
- What? - Get me some cardboard.
Hey, look, this is how you make it look old.
The fan give the impression that it's a old film.
And the string is for the scratches. See?
This is for the voice-over.
Miss Falewicz, can you tell us some of the true history...?
And also this is for the music.
Fats was born in Mr. Fletcher's video store.
And push and breathe.
And make a groaning sound like, "Oh, there's a baby coming out of me."
Wilson, send the kids.
- Some gangsters killed them all. - Yep.
- They came low-riding. - They were like ninjas.
And I heard that there was glass everywhere.
The gang was like a pizza gang.
And when they killed you, there was always a pizza behind you on the wall.
Fall, fall. Mr. Jack, fall.
When he was young he used to follow his father around the streets...
...because his father was a street minister.
Even if I ascended to heaven, thou art there.
Clap your hands.
- Does it look good or what? - Yeah.
Continue to jiggle.
- Tickle the keys, Mike. - I'm doing it.
I can clearly see that you're not doing it.
- I barely can see... - I'm clearly doing it.
Yeah. Okay.
Wilson, how do you drive a train?
Push up the switches on the generator.
Okay. I got it.
Yeah!
Alma, you in position?
We're just crossing the river now. You see us?
Yeah, I can see you. I'm starting the camera.
Come on, blow that trombone harder. That is not a piccolo. Mike.
You need to act more drunker. Come on, you guys are better than that.
Action!
Let me tell you, rent party was the place to be in the '20s and '30s.
Man, they were jumping.
Clear out, clear out. Cops are coming. Cops are coming, come on.
Alma.
Go, go, go.
Aren't you guys being a bit ambitious here?
No. This is what makes the movie.
All right, all right. This is getting dangerous.
- Promise me this is it. - We promise, Mr. Fletcher.
Okay, go, go.
Not the big one, not the big one.
- What's it matter? - Do the little one, okay?
- No, no, no. It says use other door. - Jeez.
- Okay, fine, just shield your... - Just let the car go by.
- What is this? What the crap? - God dang it.
I told you I wanted to break the big glass.
Why? It's like a hall of mirrors.
- What the crap, what is this? - That's it. I'm going home.
Come on, let's go.
- Be careful. It's over there. - Shut up.
- You got it? - Yep.
You got it?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What...?
Mike?
- Mike, what are you doing? - Nothing. We were leaving, don't hurt us.
- Of course I'm not gonna hurt you. - Why do you got that knife then?
- I thought you were robbers, man. - Jerry, help me.
Okay, hold on. Hold on, hold on.
Release.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Are you...? Are you sleeping here?
In the hardcore-porn room?
Temporarily, yes, I am sleeping here, okay?
I don't want anybody to know this, all right, please?
Fellas, I tell you what.
I'll fix the windows, you keep that quiet.
- Okay. - Please.
We just gonna go.
Okay, let's go. Stealth.
- Don't get involved. Don't get involved. - Is that it?
I tried to hold them back as best I could. Guys, we can't...
- We got a job to do. - I know you do.
- It's on. It's on. - All right.
Come on in. Everybody, don't forget to put money in the can.
- We're trying to raise money. - Every dollar helps.
You know, if you got a 20, that's gonna help even more. That's more valuable.
Thank you. Thank you for coming.
Hey there. Yes, sir. Thank you.
Make sure you have a donation for church.
I will do. All right then. Thank you, sir. The check will be fine.
All right.
Can you put the TV a little bit higher?
All right.
This is exciting. Oh, a 20.
It's gonna work, right?
Well, I took the offer.
It looks like we're gonna be moving to the projects.
The money we collect tonight is not gonna be enough to even start the work.
So, what we gonna do is watch the movie. And then we go.
- Come on. All right? - She can't see the TV.
- Can you see it now? - Yeah.
- Hey, where's Mike? - Okay.
Have a little faith, you guys, he's gonna be here.
If you can just remain patient, and don't forget to put money in the can.
- Mike, Mike, Mike! - Everybody stay cool.
Mike, Mike, Mike!
Who would expect a simple influenza virus would get him in his bed?
Mike. Mike, stop shooting now.
- What are you doing? - I'm just getting the end shot.
- I have to get the end titles. - It doesn't have to be perfect.
Yeah, I know what time it is. I've been looking... I've been here all day.
Yeah. No, we... I didn't start the job.
I can't demolish a building with a hundred people in it, that's why.
Right, good idea.
He's coming down.
What is this?
- Mike's here. - Hey, look who's here.
Oh, no.
No one could see it, so I had to put it up on a higher thing.
- You messed up the TV, man. - I messed up the TV.
So how we gonna watch it?
Yo, Fletcher. What the hell's going on here?
Well, right now, we need you, baby. We need you.
- Right here, right here. - What is that?
- Is this what you've been looking for? - It's a projector?
- Where shall I put the monster? - Right here, right here.
Put this right here. This is the finest machinery...
- ...made for mankind. - Oh, my God.
- I saved the day. - Yeah.
- Okay. That's good. - It's dangerous in here.
To tell you the truth, I don't think people could have seen the little TV...
...from the back anyway. It would've been...
I think everybody should turn around and watch...
Oh, yeah, yeah. Everyone, turn your seats around.
We're gonna watch the movie up on the wall now.
- Yes, we are. - And it's much better.
It's actually... It's a blessing in disguise.
Because the TV... We were gonna watch it on a TV this big.
You ain't gonna see an image brighter than this.
You will never see an image sharper than this.
Now, that's a premiere. Make it as big as you can.
Make it as... Yeah. Stretch it from there all the way to there.
Anything you need...
Just keep your hands off this. This is fine machinery.
- I will. I promise. - We did it!
All right, let's get it going. Let's get this show on the road.
- Yeah! - That's what we waiting for.
Well, it all began right here, on this spot.
It was a different neighborhood then, but look here...
...he was born in 261 Main Street.
It's a boy.
Here's our part. Here's our part.
- Yeah, man. - Yeah!
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yes, in the Century Theater, right here in Passaic.
Mr. Fletcher? What's going on?
Oh, hi, Mr. Baker.
- Let's step outside. - Wait, hold on a second, Mr. Fletcher.
I'm sorry, but time is up. We agreed on this.
Now, you must evacuate the building so we can start.
Okay. Mr. Baker, you're right.
We should've evacuated an hour ago.
But, please, let us watch our film. Okay?
And if you give me just one hour, I promise there won't be a riot.
An empty building, and you can pull it down.
It's all yours.
- Please. - You have one hour.
One hour.
Fats' life was on a train.
He had given up flying.
He was tired of being refused entrance to the plane because of his color.
Once, however, segregation saved his life.
The plane he had been rejected from crashed in Kansas City.
Fats, are you okay?
Fats, you okay?
Oh, my God, you're... Fats, wake up.
Fats.
Is there a doctor on the train?
Help! Help! Help! Is there a doctor on the train?
We need a doctor!
He's my friend!
Anybody? This train's not leaving until we get a doctor!
♪ Say up in Harlem at a table for two. ♪
♪ There were four of us ♪ ♪ Me, your big feet and you. ♪
♪ From your ankle up ♪ ♪ I'll say you sure are sweet. ♪
♪ From there down ♪ ♪ There's just too much feet. ♪
♪ Yes, your feet's too big. ♪
♪ Don't want ya 'cause your feet's too big. ♪
♪ Can't use you 'cause your feet's too big. ♪
♪ I really hate ya 'cause your feet's too big ♪ ♪ Yeah. ♪
♪ Where'd ya get 'em? ♪
♪ Your girl, she likes you ♪ ♪ She thinks you're nice. ♪
♪ Got what it takes to be in paradise. ♪
♪ She said she likes your face. ♪
♪ She likes your rig. ♪
♪ Man, oh, man, them things are too big. ♪
♪ Oh, your feet's too big. ♪
♪ Don't want ya 'cause your feet's too big. ♪
♪ Mad at you 'cause your feet's too big. ♪
♪ I hate ya 'cause your feet's too big. ♪
Are you good? Is that good?
This Chinese bamboo ain't strong. I can't believe you got me out here.
Forget about the bamboo, we gotta go solve a crime.
♪ There's more to life ♪ ♪ Than this old place, hey. ♪
♪ Put your dreams in suitcase. ♪
♪ Go to explore another land. ♪
♪ Stand in a spot you never planned. ♪
♪ You can scoot ♪ ♪ Or put down roots. ♪
♪ Use my boot ♪ ♪ I'll be there too. ♪
♪ You can scoot ♪ ♪ Or put down roots. ♪
♪ Use my boot ♪ ♪ They'll be there too. ♪
♪ You'll meet new folks ♪ ♪ And listen close. ♪
♪ This song hits brand-new notes. ♪
♪ Our town's not great ♪ ♪ But nothin ' wrong. ♪
♪ Far from the world where we belong. ♪
♪ You can scoot ♪ ♪ Or put down roots. ♪
♪ Use my boot ♪ ♪ I'll be there too. ♪
♪ You can scoot ♪ ♪ Put down roots. ♪
♪ Use my boot ♪ ♪ They'll be there too. ♪
♪ Sit before me Tell your story. ♪
♪ Now here I'm close to you. ♪
♪ Pocket a book ♪ ♪ Of letters you got. ♪
♪ I'll tell it better than you thought. ♪
♪ You can scoot ♪ ♪ Or put down roots. ♪
♪ Use my boot ♪ ♪ I'll be there too. ♪
♪ You can scoot ♪ ♪ Put down roots. ♪
♪ Use my boot ♪ ♪ I'll be there too. ♪
♪ You can scoot ♪ ♪ Put down your roots. ♪
♪ Use my boots ♪ ♪ They'll be there too ♪