Cut god damn it.
Cut.
We gotta do it one more time.
That was a no go for sound.
Did you feel the angst in that or what?
What?
Oh right.
Yeah.
We've got to go one more time.
Damn.
One more.
Scene 10m, take 13 b-marker, a-marker.
Faster.
Slower.
We gotta do it again, ZZ.
More intense.
Give me macho.
Give me more macho.
Fierce.
Cut.
Good.
Did you feel I was... I was doing this more confused look.
Did you pick up... How did it read?
You know.
There are 4,000 fucking film festivals in the world.
3,999 of them have turned down barium enigma.
Just a second, Larry I'm on the... I've
got another call coming in.
Yeah Tony, listen.
I'm on another call, so I've got to get back.
I'll call you right back.
I don't know how they picked me for the humanitarian award,
Larry.
If I'd wanted one of those fucking things
I would've bought it when I was flush.
I'll go to hell in a hand basket if they're
going to show "barium enigma."
I'll play mother Theresa in drag if you get my drift.
Now Larry I want you to be there.
You're gonna be there, right?
Oh listen I've got... i got an incoming Larry.
It's the piranha calling.
I gotta take it.
Bye buddy.
Bye.
Nicky.
Tell me.
What exactly is this "Ohee" festival.
O'hi it's the O'hi festival sweetheart.
It's an edgy on the cusp kind of festival
where they discover the latest edgy films.
You know I'm going to turn the car around if that talentless
embryo is coming.
Listen.
It's bad enough I had to act with her
you have been a doll through this whole thing.
A Saint.
You've got my word.
That's exactly why I worry.
Oh hold on.
I've got an incoming.
Gotta take it.
Don't...
Yeah
hi honey.
Darling.
I just wanted to make sure that she wasn't coming.
Because if she's coming, then I'm not.
Baby.
Sweetie come on.
Would I lie to you, my love?
I told her that she couldn't come.
She's sulking in New York.
You did not.
Oh yeah.
I told you I'd take care of you.
You know I love you.
Stop, you.
And you know what I'm fucking going to do to you as soon as I
get you alone don't you?
Oh.
Hey.
Hold that thought, ok?
Just hold that thought.
Just one second.
One sec.
Hi no, no no no no, you can't go under 52 per share.
Yeah-huh.
Don't put me on hold, Nicky.
I never approved the photos, and now you
expect me to turn up without even seeing a rough cut?
Got another incoming call.
I've gotta take it.
I'm not finished.
Be right back.
Baby, I bought you a new sex toy.
You're so bad.
I've got an incoming... Just hold... hold on.
Oh, oh, oh.
Um, yeah?
Are you masturbating?
Oh hello-I... I... yeah, no I wa... I was just,
I have the TV on.
A little DVD.
A little, you know, soft porn.
Considering your age, I'm sure it is.
Ok, let's get going.
Here's your wig, Chloe.
My wig.
Ugh, it's sticky.
I feel so excited.
I'm so happy.
Uh, I'm so... uh.
I can barely keep my hand steady.
I just, I feel so excited.
You know that feeling when you just know you
and your destiny that they're about to meet.
Today, it's gonna happen.
I feel so alive.
Sorry that's insensitive.
Oh, god I gotta go.
I gotta go.
I'll see you later.
Wish me luck.
Hi, O'hi.
I'm Stephanie Stapleton.
Good morning and thank you so much for joining us.
As we all know, shearing sheep has been
a tradition for 9,000 years.
From Abraham to O'hi where it was perfected.
The stolen ball of yarn is a symbol
of the death of the American dream.
We now can announce an unbelievable tourist attraction
that cannot be stolen from us.
It's the first annual O'hi film festival.
O'hi my O'hi you mean the world to me.
O'hi, my O'hi there's no place I would rather be.
Breaking news bulletin, folks, breaking news bulletin.
Due to an infestation of chipmunks,
the O'hi film festival has been moved to the local high school.
O'hi high school.
Do not go to the town lodge.
You will be up to your ankles in feces.
Yarn is murder.
Driver, where the fuck are we?
O'hi my O'hi you mean the world to me.
O'hi, my O'hi there's no place I would rather be.
There's no place I would rather be.
No, that's so nice.
Thank you.
Ok.
Oh hi.
Hi.
Hello thanks.
Hey we need to talk.
Ah, beautiful.
Yeah why haven't you been returning my calls?
Don't bullshit me, you've been dodging me
since the film mixed.
I directed a masterpiece and I haven't seen a dime.
You didn't get the wire transfer yet.
Man I'm gonna have the director's
guild so far up your ass if you mess with me on this.
We're all friendlies here.
Yeah, we're all friends if you pay me.
Pay me my money.
It's in the mail.
Check's in the mail.
Well the excitement is at a fever pitch here
in downtown O'hi where throngs have gathered
to watch Hollywood's best and brightest,
the tinsel of Tinseltown, come and walk the red carpet.
The reddish carpet.
Stop it.
What is she doing here?
Oh you look so beautiful.
You swore to me that she wouldn't be here.
Have you seen Larry?
What?
Our agent
are you listening to me?
No, no, no.
I need to talk to her.
No, no, no we can't talk about it now.
You're impossible.
We can't talk about it now.
No, no no, no, no.
What an ass hole.
So sorry.
So... may I interrupt?
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
I'm so sorry.
What?
May I shoot you please?
And, oh my goodness, the mayor.
Oh it is great to see you mayor.
Oh, you too Steph.
It has been rumored that the festival is actually
a way to distract from the tragedy of the missing
giant ball of yarn.
No, no.
This is not a distraction.
This has been in the works for months now.
It is a tragedy... the loss of the ball of yarn
is a tragedy... because it is in fact the largest
ball of yarn in the country.
And I just want to say that when I'm elected governor,
I will use all the resources at my disposal
to solve this heinous crime.
You look unbelievable.
Oh, oh, oh thank you.
Beautiful mag... Mag... magnifique.
That's French, you're French.
Thank you so much.
I'm not French.
I am Italian.
Oh, Fanta... you look better on cell phone than film.
Oh, well thank you.
I'm such a fan.
It's ok ok.
Ok.
No, I am.
I... I... I'm just so excited to meet you.
You have no idea.
You're like Eliz...
Yes
you're like Rita Hayworth, or like an Ava Gardner,
or like Lana Turner, but brunette.
All of these people are dead.
Well, yes, but and you will too, but when you're there,
you'll be right up there with them.
Oh my god.
Where is my ex-husband?
Just magnifique.
Unbelievable.
I think I have to go now.
I don't know.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Of course.
My god, please.
My god they leave me here standing here like an idiot.
Oh my god.
And here we have the producer, world renowned Mr. twain.
Please, Stephanie Stapleton.
Come on over here.
Right over here.
It's great to see you sir.
Welcome to O'hi.
I'm absolutely thrilled to be here.
To have the public have an opportunity
to see barium enigma.
We have heard that the film can be a little bit confusing.
Can you comment on that?
No one's seen this film.
That's blog talk.
Blog talk.
And what about the male star.
Our very own Zachary.
Is he going to grace this carpet?
ZZ will be burning up this red carpet any minute now.
Oh my god it's him.
But wait, I can be ZZ.
Ass hole.
This is very nice.
But it's not me.
This is Julie Christy.
Scusi.
You're a brunette.
Yeah, you know, it's my new wig line.
And uh you know, it's so easy to throw them on, change your look
up, great colors, so natural.
And wonderful for cancer patients
who want to be stylish as well.
Exactly.
Your dress.
It's gorgeous.
Yes it's actually it's actually from my new clothing line.
It'll be out this fall right after my book comes out.
You have written a book.
I have.
It's a book of inspirational poetry
drawn from my life experiences.
It's great.
It's called diva in the limelight.
It's an in... it'll be an inspiration
to all who read it I'm sure.
Do you have a message for any young women?
Yes.
You know, you can buy my clothes, my hair now,
and all of my... my makeup products are out there too.
So you can look gorgeous, natural, and sexy.
The line is of course called dashing diva.
I don't care.
You can tell her whatever you want
as long as you don't tell her the truth,
if you know what I'm saying.
Where the fuck is Larry?
Hold on one sec... Larry really wanted
to be here but he's so busy.
And he sent you?
Yeah.
Cynthia ok.
No, no, no don't don't don't put her through.
Who is that?
It better be the publicist.
The publicist quit two weeks ago.
What the fuck?
And no one told me?
Who is promoting my film?
I need a website.
I need a blog.
I need test screens with guaranteed good results.
No, yeah I'm still here.
I need that product tie-ins.
What the god damn have you done?
You've done nothing to get my movie out there.
I'm... I'm working on it.
Every... every minute.
Don't give me that shit.
I'm the one that's dealing with these loons and the clowns that
are running this show.
I have to listen to that snot nose of a fucking director.
I'm babysitting the fucking actors.
And what the hell are you doing?
You're on the fucking phone, you're on the fucking phone.
Ok, ok.
Just wait one minute.
Yes yeah I'm still here.
No, just, just read the numbers back to me.
I know they're not...
And where is ZZ.
You had one job to get him here on time.
Get off that fucking phone.
You don't talk to him, you talk to me you useless little prick.
Hi it's me.
Sorry about that, my phone died.
Going to the O'hi film festival.
Show the clip.
Well, right now I'm shooting a film.
Yeah, the second coming.
No it's not a porno.
It's not a porno.
I have done porn.
No, the light is not good here.
I'm so sorry.
The light is not good?
You have to fix the light.
Please...
Oh my goodness.
Put the camera away.
Ok, well come on Jim help me or something.
Mr. twain.
Move the light.
I come in when you fix the light.
Ok, I'm so sorry Claudia.
I'm so... keep rolling, keep rolling.
Are you...
Wait a moment.
No, no, wait.
Stop the camera.
Wait, wait.
Please put the camera down.
Wait ok.
And how is that?
Too close, darling.
No put it away.
I'm going to happen if
I am so sorry.
I'm really sorry we're just, you know.
There's no way to win it.
All right come on.
No, no.
Momentito.
He shoot a little bit.
Come on get in here.
No, no he hasn't shot anything yet.
He shot it he just shot...
Wasn't long enough.
I have to see how I move my face.
Ok we talk.
We talking.
Madame, it's ok.
Wait a momentito ok.
Thank you so much.
Ok you can cut now, and I have a look.
Ooh, watch out Mr. twain.
Take a look.
Oh, ok.
Oh goodness
the glasses...
You need the glasses?
I need the reading glasses for the... oh it's not so bad now,
it's ok.
You look ravishing, you really do.
No, no please please.
Don't give me compliments.
I don't want compliments.
I know what I look like.
Ok it's ok.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Ok
All right all right.
We're all happy now.
I can take my glasses off, ok.
Oh look at those gorgeous baby blues.
Thank you.
I am so excited to have you both here.
And I just wanted to know, how do you
feel about being up for the same award, best actress for barium
enigma.
It's...
Is that news to you?
No.
It's news, it's an honor for that to happen.
You know.
No it is I who am honored, I am honored.
She's, you know, she's just a living legend, you know.
It's just so great to work with her.
It is wonderful.
It is wonderful to see you both together.
And just the love that I feel.
It's tangible for everyone.
Where are you going?
Let's meditate.
All right.
Let's go straight.
Start with three deep breaths.
Ask yourself, what's on your plate?
Do you think you are ready for what's next?
I was expecting it.
Centuries of consciousness.
Focus your chakras.
Go deeper deeper.
Hitting dead ends?
Going nowhere?
Feeling stagnant?
Unfulfilled?
Well...
What is the film about?
About this young girl who's... who's struggling.
She's torn between whether she wants to go help save the world
or, or finish her senior year of high school
so she can get into a good college.
Centering on the mother of a Kung fu biology major.
It's a post apocalyptic thrill ride
with a strong environmental message.
My work speaks for itself.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
in welcoming you all to O'hi.
O'hi
what is he?
An undertaker?
Yes he is.
I'm Harvey Weinstein I'm your, uh, I'm
your festival president.
Oh my god.
That's not Harvey Weinstein.
Yes, yes he is.
I'm inviting you all to the first annual film festival.
This is where movies come to die.
Yes.
Nick twain.
I recognized you from in touch magazine.
Mayor Marian, I would recognize your voice anywhere.
You smell good.
How do you like our little town?
It's definitely the kind of place
that we would shoot a small town picture.
When you think ZZ Reed will get here?
Well, um, you know, he's shooting a movie.
He should be here any time.
There's not even a bar?
Damn.
What's this?
What is this?
But he is coming?
Oh, I promised he'd be here, he'll be here.
I kept my part of the deal.
Make sure you keep yours.
It's all taken care of.
Festival.
Our esteemed panel of judges will
decide who wins the O'hi spindles, which
are modeled after O'hi's great spindle of yarn, rest in peace,
and awarded only to the best.
And uh, here come the viewings, the screenings
of... of the films.
The wheel here?
Yeah yeah.
No.
Get out of here.
You stupid.
That one is going mad.
Call the god damn cop.
Police.
At this point.
Now sometimes it says get your water in first
I've always been taught you first start
with the detergent at this point,
and then start the water cycle.
Sometimes she forgets.
Is this you?
I would've just texted.
It this your normal fan mail?
I didn't go in.
Just as a matter of interest, why the fuck
are you in the business?
Pussy and Laker passes, baby.
What?
What do you want me to say, huh?
That I love movies and it's been a passion of mine
since I was a kid.
That I spent my allowance renting DVDs.
Do you?
Why are you in the business?
Sophia Loren.
Her first American film I was 16.
Man, she was incredible.
So my friends and I, we just saw it over and over and over.
And one day, I was hooked.
Angelina Jolie.
Lara croft, tomb raider.
We're in the biz.
So tell me something about your film, sir.
Go ahead, you're a director.
What's going on with the film?
My film is a remake of "gone with the wind."
I use trained chimps.
Ok.
But with the right lens you couldn't
tell the difference between Kokomo junior and Vivian Lee.
They're almost identical.
Oh, by the way, the television station
Wohi is here.
O'hi.
Yep, thank you for coming.
And what is your film about, sir?
How do you even answer that?
What's the ocean about?
What's sand about?
What's sky about?
It's about passion.
All right, man.
It's about... fucking your heart.
Oh, thanks.
My film is about an African American director
in an African American wheelchair.
Starring an African American, produced by an African
American, edited by an African American,
about African Americans.
So for those who don't know, obviously,
African American is the name of... the politically correct
for black.
That black is African American.
Right, yes.
No, it is.
But for those who were like... Like I was brought up on some
you know uncle, like '30s...
What's your point?
What are you trying to say to me?
Yeah, just say it.
Because you are in a wheelchair are you angry like spike Lee?
Like is this genetic that you can't walk?
No, it's because I got shot, mother fucker.
I can't walk but my films have legs.
Really well said.
Um, hi, I'm a mom.
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
That's what I'm talking about.
You look like Ava Gardner.
Rita Hayworth, you look like Rita Hayworth.
Ok.
Veronica lake.
I just don't know any of the people you're talking about.
She's one of the legends.
I still don't know who you're talking about.
She was known as hair.
She ended up as a waitress at the Figaro cafe in her 50's
she lost all of her money after "Sullivan's travels."
She became a prostitute.
Anyway, I had a question for each of the directors.
And though I have not seen any of the films,
I was wondering if any or all of you
have had a chance to meet Paula Abdul.
You may know because Paula is half, she's mulatto.
Right?
I'm not trying to be... I'm not trying to be racist.
I grew up in the '30's... all right,
I didn't grow up in the '30's but I watched stuff from
the '30s.
And I just love the beauty of skin.
And a lot of the black... the blacks
in the black and white films.
African Americans in African American...
They didn't call them African American and white films.
They called them black and white films.
Just letting you know.
Can you shut up for 10 seconds or less?
Does anybody else have a question?
Yes, Sam Feldman, aspiring actor.
Is it true that directors get to sleep
with the stars of their films?
I hear this is another way to get to the top,
according to the little rascals.
Buckwheat was also... uh, slept his way to the top.
This is an old... I'm not, it's not racist.
I'm just saying...
Do you have a problem with me?
No, I'm sorry.
I didn't...
Do you have an issue?
Do we have a problem?
No, no, please.
You're ride is caught in the chair, dude.
Hold on.
Ok, go back.
Excuse me, I have to pee.
I just had a really Venti skim chi.
I have to pee.
Do you have the key?
Oh, yes, we have one here.
Ok, thank you.
Good luck, everybody.
Sorry.
If you wouldn't mind signing out.
We have a bathroom sign out.
It's part of the festival.
O'hi.
All, right.
Just this way.
Go ahead.
Uh, and I don't, I don't have a sharpie on me.
I apologize.
But I was just wondering if you could sign that for me.
Oh, no.
Not of this photo.
No, this photo's the bane of my existence.
Beautiful.
I wanted to be the greatest dramatic actress
of my generation.
Baftas and Oscars and... but you know my husband, my ex-husband,
he forced me to be the sex idol.
It's not me.
Yeah?
What the hell is happening?
Where are we?
Where's my hotel?
We, uh, this is where you'll be getting ready for the festival.
I even got you a key.
69, which is the... no.
It's the year, 1969, that you got, uh, your first film became
huge.
Give me the key.
Ok.
He's so hot.
Maybe we can meet him at the festival.
God, hope so.
Can you imagine seeing him in person?
Really?
O'hi, my O'hi, you mean the world to me.
O'hi, my O'hi, there's no place I would rather be.
Too much of cheese.
Too much of meat.
Too much of salty, salty.
Impossible.
Oh, my god, all the sandwiches looks good.
Don't you have, uh, anything healthy?
Would you like a hamburger?
Fruit?
Fruita?
Something without the sugar.
No, ma'am.
I'm sorry, we don't.
Give it a rest.
This ain't the Ivy.
I specifically told you not to bring this girl
to the festival.
And since when do I start taking orders from you?
You know I have to do what's best for the film
and she is key to reaching our target audience.
Since the principal investor is due by limited,
and I am due by limited, don't you
think perhaps you should reconsider
who is key to this film?
Limited I understand.
Excuse, I have to take this terrible food.
I give into America.
I give in.
I have high cholesterol a little bit, but now I'm going to die.
I was going to take a piece of pie
but I guess I'll just take the whole pie.
You're going to take the whole?
Well, wait a second.
No, don't.
I'm in a fucking cafeteria in a high school.
No, it's not a real film festival.
It's the stupid, stupidest thing I've ever...
Oh, excuse me, miss.
Excuse me, that's reserved for the talent.
You can sit here.
Oh, ok.
Thanks.
Yeah, hold on, I got one.
5'6", light brown hair.
All right, I'm going to call you back.
Bye.
Hi.
Oh, wow.
Hot, hot.
Will you marry me?
Look over here.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Sam Feldman.
You know we were actually
in the middle of a conversation here.
Thank you, Libby.
Um, so I am a working actor.
I took a head shot on one of security cameras.
This was my employee of the week photo.
You know what, Sam, I was in the middle of something.
Hey, you ever though about being an actress?
Jermaine Johnson.
Jermaine@afronet.Com.
Your card is black.
African American.
A little bit more African than American
if you know what I mean.
I play all the vegetables too.
I see.
And it's basically like I'm left alone at night.
I could see that.
Oh.
I could.
I could see that.
I think you'd be...
Ok, great.
I'll just put my number in your phone.
So I don't know how.
I'm going to, I'm going to write my number on your phone
because I don't know how this thing works.
So I'll just write it on the back.
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't write it.
Ok.
Chloe, Chloe, sign my picture.
Sure.
To Decker.
You want to hang out?
Here we go, ladies and gentlemen, mayor Urgitt.
There you go.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. For being here.
Anybody still hungry?
We want to thank Sam Feldman, who's market donated
all that delicious food.
Thank you, Sam.
I know that one or two of the hamburger hill hamburgers
were a little under done.
But I think that, I think, that they're
probably... I don't think there was a problem.
I had one.
We come now to the most exciting part
of this festival, the prestigious humanitarian award.
And we're giving it to a wonderful really deserving man.
And I want him to come up here, Nick twain.
Come on up here, Nick.
But before we give him the award we have a little surprise.
Thank you.
Nick twain, an all-American success story.
Nick twain's forefathers came over on the mayflower.
His kin were among the first to travel across the wild west.
Two twain brothers got separated crossing the Oregon trail.
And that's how we got the expression never
the twain shall meet.
It's in his autobiography.
I did.
I wrote about it.
That was, um, that was great.
And I know that there are a lot of you out there
who have some wonderful things to say about Nick.
So I'd love for... we could start with the stars of "barium
enigma," ZZ Reed.
Uh, he's been delayed.
Oh, he's still not here yet.
Um, Chloe Blakely?
Chloe?
Oh, my god.
She must have stepped out.
Claudia?
Oh, we were married 15 years.
We have a two dog.
He like very much when the dog lick his feet
and they share a bone.
He was a big tipper.
That's about everything that was a big.
Thank you, Claudia.
There couldn't be a more deserving man.
I mean this is a man whose heart is as big as his...
I have something that I would like to say.
We have one more.
A fan, obviously.
Can we have a fan up here?
Hi.
Hi, it's good to meet you.
Hi.
Speak right into the mic.
I will...
Don't be nervous.
Go ahead.
Well, I know everything about you.
Oh, well.
I've read your book and I don't know
what I can say about you that you haven't said yourself
except for the fact that, uh, you came to this town
24 and 1/2 years ago and met my mother.
And it was such a great honor for her.
And she threw herself on you and you slept with her.
And you impregnated her.
And I am the spawn.
And you see, you feel nothing because I am your daughter.
I have this birth certificate to show you.
Thank you, young lady.
Thank you.
I'm... here please.
And I also have your DNA.
And I'm going to be vindicated.
All right well this is...
Not a gun.
No, it's not a gun.
I don't know what she's talking about.
All right?
I don't have any idea.
I do not know either.
Nicholas twain had sexual relations
with a cheerleader from our very own O'hi.
It makes us feel thrilled at our close knit connection
to Hollywood.
I also am an illegitimate child.
Well, congratulations, Nick.
The humanitarian award.
Thank you, Harvey.
Thank you very much.
This is a moment that I will Cherish forever.
Thank you.
Nicky, Amore.
You slept with an under aged cheerleader.
And while we were married.
If I had a nickle for every time somebody accused me
of being their father I'd be so rich.
You don't have a nickle.
Now, you don't know that.
Yes, I do.
The fresh flowers in your foyer are so dry they are crumbling.
And your soft towels in your powder room,
they are going gray.
And you're Mexican maid, she's not even a Mexican.
You are disturbed.
You even sold your watch.
The beautiful watch that Cubra gave you.
And you said that you would never part with it.
I prefer my gold Rolex.
Your gold Rolex isn't even real.
Oh, if you had a nickel you wouldn't
have asked me to invest in your bomb of a movie, my darling.
The reason that you invested in my bomb of a movie
is because it's the only way you can get a fucking part.
You're a cocksucker.
Oh, I wish I was a cocksucker, then
I never would have married you.
Oh!
I'm sorry.
I'm not... I didn't, I'm not, I'm not here.
Please go, go about your business.
I wasn't, uh, you just, you look fantastic.
Ok.
God I'm...
Where the hell are you?
I'm at a Rinky dink rest stop.
No, Nick, I don't know what's wrong with it
because I haven't driven myself anywhere in the last 10 years.
I've been hitching for the last two miles.
Ok?
And no one has stopped to pick me up.
I mean doesn't anybody know who I am?
Nick twain, Nick twain,
report to the principal's office immediately.
I gotta go.
I'm being summoned to the principal's office.
Don't you think it might have been worth mentioning
that you had been here before?
That you knocked up some high school kid.
How many careers are you trying to destroy today?
It's all a misunderstanding.
I mean besides. It's not even that big a deal.
Well it may not be a big deal to you
but you're not running for governor.
I have family values to uphold.
Governor, you say.
Oh, I love a woman in power.
It's very, very sexy.
No luck.
No luck but nice hair.
Psyche it up.
Yeah.
What a day, huh?
Mama Mia.
Oh, god.
My god!
What are you doing in here?
Now, get out.
Why, you don't have to put that on.
Get out!
I'm sorry.
Go!
Do you mind?
That cream is not good.
That's not good for your skin.
Cheap stuff.
Doesn't cover your wrinkles?
I hope you brought something to cover
your complete lack of talent.
Coming from the b list actress.
Washed up b movie actress.
Sorry.
I may be a b movie actress but at least
I didn't have to sleep with everything in sight
to get the part.
Well, from what Nicky's told me you wouldn't have gotten
very far that way anyway.
Oh.
So where will you be?
Let's have a look at you in 20 years.
For one thing, I'll be about 10 or 15 years younger
than you are now.
You think you're so sexy?
Ow.
Oh, oh, oh.
You want it.
You want it, you got it.
Me.
Bitch!
You take on me, you have a problem.
Oh, I'm sorry.
So sorry.
That was way too good.
What the... why are you always freaking out?
What now?
What?
What is all this dramatic about?
What are you going to do with that video?
Hopefully, I'll put it on YouTube or something.
You want to be on YouTube with this?
Sure.
Why not?
It's free publicity and just in time for my new clothing line
launch and my new book release.
You're not so stupid after all.
Won't matter anyway once I win.
You were expecting a long hard spindle with your name on it?
Oh, he, he wouldn't.
Ha!
Obviously you don't know him as well as I do. Oh!
Bastard!
What you want to do, baby?
It's on you.
What you want to do, baby?
It's on you.
What you want to do, baby?
It's on you.
What's going on, man?
Your rap is so tight.
You here, Marianne, you're quite a girl.
Lipstick.
Oh, here comes trouble.
How dare you lie to me.
Poor stupid girl believes she's going
to win an award for acting.
Is it fixed or what?
You told them?
Please shut up.
Don't tell me to shut up!
You shut up.
You bastard, you're nothing but a lying asshole.
We're not married anymore.
I don't have to take this shit so fuck off.
Would you cut it out with that phony spaghetti accent shit?
I know where you're from.
Dunk it up your own nose, darling.
If you know what's good for you.
She's British?
How do you people know?
About her accent?
Everybody does now.
About the fix, you moron!
Everyone's going to know about the fix
if you don't lower your voices.
I've got to go take a leak.
You dick!
I'm going to have you arrested.
You're a disgrace to family values.
What you want to do, baby?
It's on you.
What you want to do, baby?
It's on you.
What you want to do, baby?
It's on you.
What's going on, man?
Your rap is so tight.
Who's your director?
Say my name.
Greg Johnson.
Jermaine Johnson.
Come on, say you want to be in my movie.
I want to be in your movie,
what movie do you want to be in?
I want to be in your black movie.
My African American movie.
You want to be, you want to be... oh!
Oh, it's a miracle.
Shit!
They work!
Ah!
They fucking work.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
All right, look.
You're not going to out me, are you?
My pants are fucking ripped.
Bitch, you ripped my pants.
You are the worst fucking agent on the planet.
What's wrong now?
Your job is to do everything you can to protect the film.
And if your job is babysitting the talent then
that's what you're supposed fucking be doing.
Babysitting the talent.
Ok.
There is more wrong with this movie
than babysitting can cure.
Oh, now you're a fucking critic too, huh?
Do you think that I came all the way to O'hi
dragging Hollywood's most desperate without having
some kind of assurances?
Give me a break.
Assurances?
What assurances?
I've got the whole jury in my pocket.
"Barium enigma" is going to sweep the spindles.
The first time in the history of any film festival.
I can get you in "variety."
Not the front page but...
Look, son, I get it.
You think the film is a bust and you think I'm yesterday's news.
And meanwhile, back in Hollywood,
careers are being made every minute
and you're stuck out here in O'hi.
Well I get it because I was you.
A gopher for king Vidor.
Who's that?
Is king Vidor some period piece?
Ah, you asshole.
King Vidor was a great director in his prime.
This was at the end of his career.
One of his last movies.
"Solomon and Sheeba," it's starring Tyrone Power.
Ty is like having a dueling scene with George Sanders.
In the middle of shooting the picture he keels over,
he has a heart attack, and he dies.
UA says we're canceling the picture.
King Vidor, while he's debating them,
secretly has me fly to la, get Yul Brynner,
fly him back, put him up in a hotel.
He shoots for a day with Gina Lollobrigida and himself.
Secretly, while on his own dime, he goes into an editing room
alone.
He edits the things, sends the scenes back
with long shots of Tyrone Power intercut with Yul Brynner.
They love it.
They green light us to finish the picture.
Was it a hit?
No, it was bomb.
So you're telling me this is your last movie
and it's going to be a bomb.
No, I'm telling you that the point of this
is that you do everything you can
in your power to protect the film.
Hey, let's talk about this.
Shit, I'll get there as quick as I can.
What's gong on?
Give me your keys, I got to borrow your car.
Whoa, nobody drives my car but me.
Let me tell you something, this is the first problem
that we've had today that's worthy of my time.
Remember that young male lead that you
were supposed to get safely here to the festival?
Well, he's on his way to jail for having tried to solicit sex
from an undercover cop.
Now give me the fucking keys.
And on your job security, your life,
nobody better hear of this.
No email, no texts, no phone calls.
Make sure of that.
Care to comment on the top story of my evening broadcasts?
The arrest and outing of a major movie star.
I represent ZZ.
Ok?
Right.
Let me talk to him.
Let me talk to his studio.
Hypothetically, the story of a hot young actor
being forced out of the closet could get turned
into a major Hollywood movie.
Hypothetically, you could be a producer on this movie.
A producer, how are you to make it happen?
I mean look at you.
You're a little baby.
You're little baby agent.
What do little baby agents do?
They get coffee, they take phone calls.
Five seconds.
Wait here.
Here I have somebody that wants to talk to you.
Ok. Is it your mom?
Hello?
How you dong?
Do you know who I am?
Oh, my god, Mr. Nicholson.
- I - want to know what
we're going to do about this.
Can you handle the truth?
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Right, huh?
I'm in.
That's what I thought.
Oh, my god.
A little baby agent, take the little baby agent thing back.
Oh, I take it back.
I'm so sorry.
So what do we do now?
Now?
Well, if we were la we would celebrate at the peninsula
over a split of cristal.
Oh, that sounds fancy but I think
I have something you'll like a little better than that.
What are these going to do?
Do you know what these are going to do?
No, no, no.
Ow!
How does that feel?
Does that feel good?
No, it does not feel good.
No!
Oh, this one's lonely.
Oh, he needs a friend.
No!
Oh, god.
Oh, does that hurt?
Oh, god.
Oh, what about in your belly button?
I don't want my belly button.
Oh, guess what else I have for you.
I don't feel safe.
Safety word.
What's the safety word?
Oh, there is no safety word in this bedroom.
What is this?
That is a shoehorn.
And what is it going to do?
Take yours shoes off.
Hit you!
Tell me my tic is sexy.
Your tic is sexy.
Louder!
You have the sexiest tic I've ever seen.
You have the sexiest tic out of any disabled person
I've ever met.
Oh, your phone.
Don't touch my phone.
Oh, who's calling?
Don't touch!
That's...
Do you want to answer it?
No, I don't.
Put the phone down.
Maybe I should answer it.
Should I answer it?
No, no, don't.
Don't pick that up.
What if it's George Clooney?
It's not George Clooney.
Hello?
Do you know who I am?
Can you handle the truth.
Hey, Sam Feldman here, supermarket manager,
aspiring actor.
How's my Jack?
What do you think?
Not too shabby.
Do I get the part?
No, actually you didn't get the job.
So you know Jack Nicholson, huh?
I do know Jack Nicholson.
I can explain.
Ow!
Ok.
There is no more explaining.
I am the boss here.
You're the boss.
I'm going to write the best story of my career.
Ok.
So you can just lie there and rot.
Can you just untie me?
Fucking psycho bitch.
Ha ha!
Ticking bitch.
No!
Ah, look at what we have here.
No, no, that's nothing.
I collect yarn because I'm a...
Yarn, yes.
I'm a knitter.
Don't bullshit a bullshit artist, sweetheart.
I was just going to steal it for a little while because I
thought maybe it would help my story you know because I
thought everyone loves the national news...
I don't care about this.
What I care about is that you forget what you heard today.
But my story.
There is no story unless you want
me to see to it that no broadcast
station in the country will come anywhere near you.
After you get out of prison.
Disgusting.
Can I whip you a little more before you go?
No.
Please.
No.
You have 20 new messages.
Manuel: Hey Mr. twain,
it's Manuel at the front gate.
A repo man came and took away your Van.
Said you were late on payment.
Betsy: Yes, this is
Betsy, from California realty.
Could you please give us a call back regarding overdue bills?
You've just won $50,000.
All you have to do is enter channels 4's
you make the news sweepstakes.
Sorry to bother you, Mr. twain.
A young lady has called here seven times crying.
She claims to be your daughter.
You know it's going to be dark before we get there.
I just don't get it.
They're dropping all the charges.
We have what you'd call a gentlemen's agreement.
To that effect, yes.
Ok, but how?
The sheriff is a Rolex man.
Oh, shit.
You didn't have to do that.
You owe me big time, man, because it was a cosmograph.
Ow.
You're going to go out, you're going to attempt this movie,
and you're going to move on.
If you want to come out of the closet at that moment
it's fine with me.
I'm not gay.
I told you I'm not.
You know I'm not gay.
Hey, listen, I don't give a shit.
I am a producer.
You know?
If it's good for the movie, it's true.
It it's not, it's not.
We all have our secrets.
The only good thing about, getting old,
is when you've discovered you just don't give a flying fuck.
That's all.
So was the cop good looking, or what?
Dude, the bathroom is that way.
I couldn't sell this for five bucks on the street.
I couldn't get this distributed if I made a print myself
and took it to the Angelica.
And the book tour coming up?
I mean, come on.
You know as well I do it's going to go far.
For the last film the internal multiplier was over 3.9.
So it's bound to have legs.
It's going to at least go for the full duration of two
months.
What?
No, yeah, I'm still here.
I, uh, your kind of breaking up.
Hold on, I'm going to get better reception.
And if that's it, it will make money in the back end.
Of course, all of my movies make a lot of money in the back end.
If not first, when it breaks.
It's breaking wide though.
Well, no but...
No, I mean and the book tour...
It's huge, you got to see it to believe it.
It's going to be...
No, I mean huge.
Great press opportunities for me.
And you know what?
It's only going to get bigger and bigger...
Yeah, well the gross income of my products...
And stronger.
You know what I mean?
My products are getting so, so much stronger.
Profits.
Harder and harder until...
People want them.
Until it peaks.
I told you, supply and demand.
And we'll pull it out and it's just going to explode on DVD.
People are ready for it.
I thinks so, yeah.
Yeah.
But you know when I do something like this I like
to do it...
No, I'm sick of you telling me that you're going to do this
and not getting on this.
Again.
You know what I mean?
I don't like to just do it once.
Getting on it.
I'm ready.
Yeah, I want you to start.
I can reach my hand into...
As soon as possible.
Wherever I need to to make something like that happen.
Go for it while it's wide open.
You know what I'm saying?
I know exactly what you're saying
I kind of want to take it while it's hot.
Hey, you.
Come here a minute come here.
Come here.
How old are you?
24.
24, I was here 24 years ago.
You know and I didn't remember until I
saw your mother's picture right here in the lobby.
So you admit that you knew my mother
and that you slept with her.
It doesn't mean that I am your father.
Now I just did a cop picture, which I produced,
and I found that saliva is not the most accurate way
of establishing DNA.
But hair follicles, now, these are irrefutable.
All right?
So does this mean that you recognize me?
It means to do whatever you want with them
and see what they say.
And then we'll take it from there.
Why don't you be my guest at the festival, all right?
You good with that?
I'm good with that.
All right, come on.
Let's go.
Let's get in here.
Breaking news, folks.
Breaking news.
What at first appeared to be an epidemic of avian flu
has now been determined to be an old fashioned case of food
poisoning.
Sources say that as long as you do not eat the food
you will not get the food poisoning.
People have been come down with food poisoning.
They think it may be the dressing from the "something
about Mary" salad.
I feel just fine.
Not you.
The fire chief, the rabbi... hi, how are you?
The city councilman and the entire judges panel.
We'll just replace the three judges
and let's get on with it.
It's too late.
Harvey's already announced the replacements.
Why did you let him do that?
I couldn't stop him, he's the President of the festival.
Well, where are they?
I'll just toss them a few hundred like I did the others.
Good luck.
Police chief, librarian, and Edwin,
who owns O'hi dry cleaning.
Hello.
Who's is also our local pastor.
I'm trying to feel positive about this.
The good news is nobody from the industry
will see the screening.
Are you all right, Mr. Jackson?
Hi, how are you.
Uh, I'll be back.
Stop the screening.
You have to stop the screening right now.
What in the hell are you trying to do now?
Dave was walking into the screening,
he put his hand on my shoulder, and he said you're very brave.
Brave, what does he mean?
What does that mean?
Brave.
I must look terrible.
Well, who knows.
He's just a film editor.
Why don't you ask him?
I can't.
His daughter...
He doesn't have a daughter.
Whoever that fucking anorexic teenager he comes with,
she started to throw up.
How could you be anorexic and start to put fatty
dressing on your salad?
Dressing?
Are you nuts?
Are you seriously insane?
We are having a screening of our movie next door.
And so we're not going to have a sweep of all the awards.
As a matter of fact, there may not be anybody
ever see this fucking film.
Good.
Ever.
I must look horrendous.
Is that all you think about, the way you fucking look?
No.
But that's all any producer, director,
agent will think when they see this movie.
When they see me in this movie the say how does she look?
Not so good.
I best take Jada, Vanessa, or Julie, or Candace.
They were all busy.
That's how I got stuck with you.
Stuck?
If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have a movie.
If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have a career.
You've gotta be kidding.
Somebody, somewhere, tell me she's fucking kidding.
"Angel eyes" would not made a dime without me.
I could've used any 20-year-old with big tits.
But you are using me.
I'm not going to let you kill my career.
You can't kill a corpse.
Ah!
What is that shit?
I smell like a day old turn.
It's just you, dear.
Do you know he's dead?
I don't.
I don't I don't.
Oh, let's hope no one sees him.
They are watching the "barium enigma."
Who's projecting the film.
I don't know.
Not Sid, obviously.
Maybe he's drunk or asleep.
They breathe when they sleep, Marianne.
Harvey, what are you doing?
You can't take pictures.
You're going to incriminate us.
I want to give his loved ones a lasting memory.
I wrote a film actually that I think I'm going to direct,
and you would be pretty good for it I think.
I was going to go younger but I think that maybe...
How young?
I don't know.
How old are you again?
23.
23, yeah.
I'm just going to get an 18-year-old.
I mean you look young.
You have a very young essence, a very young energy.
Love your films, Jermaine.
Hello.
Ok.
I sit next to you.
Barium enigma, any minute now.
Mr. Jackson.
It's Johnson.
Whatever.
We need you to sit right here.
Sit in the chair for a minute.
This is the perfect chair for you.
But this is where I'm comfortable, right here.
Yeah, I know.
It's the fire marshal that doesn't allow any chairs.
The fire marshal doesn't.
Yeah.
No, I know, it's terrible.
She's going to change that law.
I'm going to change it when I'm governor.
I think they have a little problem there with this man.
It's not because you're black.
Watch the wheelchair.
Oh.
Are you all right?
You all right?
Ok, thank you so much,
I'm moving.
Good.
You don't smell so good, huh?
Do you smell that?
Excuse me.
Is this film ever going to start?
Interesting Cologne.
Thank you so much for coming.
Good to see you.
So good to see you.
No need to thank me.
Thank "Jack Nicholson."
I had him call the studio heads and tell them to get down here
on their corporate jets before someone bought up
"barium enigma
if I wanted the studio to see this
I would've sent them a copy.
Start the film already.
Oh.
Let's go.
The screen is so small.
Reel five?
Now it's just the two of us.
What the fuck is going on?
It's three.
There's a tom junior on the way.
It's the wrong god damned reel.
I'm going to go fucking kill him.
No, I just like watch his movies
and kind of, like, you know, touch myself.
If you know what I mean.
Is this an art film?
Shoot, kill this guy.
Asshole.
Hey!
Hey, open up.
You're playing the wrong reel.
You hear me?
Hey.
Oh, come on.
I can hear you in there.
Work with me, man.
Come on.
In Africa, look up
at the mountain whose peak is cold year around.
Be careful, my darling.
In the snows of Kilimanjaro you will find the secret
to your survival.
I don't understand this.
No, me neither.
This movie sucks.
How did we get there?
This is no 8 and 1/2.
You hear me?
I'm going to fucking kill you.
This is just stupid.
Is it serious or is it supposed to be a joke?
This move is pretty much a piece of crap.
Oh, if it wasn't for your little stick of dynamite
somebody should get them a real script.
The secret to our survival is in this fog.
Will we ever get our money back?
Laugh, damn it.
Laugh.
Come on, come on, laugh.
It's getting better.
Wow, she's great.
Better than Kate Winslet.
Hey, you.
Yeah, you little fucker.
Turn this shit off.
I will fucking kill you!
You turn this off.
Get the fuck off my hand.
Ow, mother fucker.
You piece of shit. Turn this shit off.
You get back here.
I will fucking slice off your scrotum and wear it as a cape.
You get back here right now.
When this gets out they'll impeach me.
You're always thinking about you.
This is your area of expertise.
Why can't you take this corpse to your field?
Because I'm running a film festival.
I can't get involved with this now.
God.
I couldn't get in there.
All right?
We've got to stop the movie and start from the beginning
and play it again.
You idiot, sit back and shut up.
This is the best fucking screening there ever were.
Listen to them.
Keep laughing.
It's all about the plants.
As long as there's sunlight.
We're safe.
Anybody, anybody see my wheelchair?
Harvey, are you insane?
You're doing it again with a cell phone.
You always overdue everything.
Just like you putting the clown make-up of my father
when he died.
He looked miserable.
He needed to look happy.
Anybody seen my wheelchair?
Hello?
Ok, that's good.
Ok.
No, that's good.
He's too tall.
It's freezing.
He's too tall.
We'll unfold him.
I don't know what to do.
Fold him?
And the spindle for best casting goes to.
That's good.
Oh, wait, the hat, the hat.
Put the hat on.
We'll just put the hat in there.
What to make it look like he went inside himself?
It doesn't matter.
Just put the hat on.
It's on.
Thank you so much for not helping me.
Should we say a few words?
Cross his arms?
Harvey, just get his foot.
All right.
Is he in there?
Yes, he's in there.
A wonder he hasn't left.
And now a clip from our first nominated show
for best picture.
Eat my dust, pussy.
Ha ha.
She's not showing up.
No, she's habitually late.
Woo hoo.
So everybody, how are you?
Ciao.
Oh, it's old wardrobe, darling.
Thank you.
Hey, everybody, my mama always said
life is like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're going to get.
And in this case, most of you got food poisoning.
So I swear, as god as my witness,
you will never go hungry again.
But please avoid the shrimp salad.
And the award for best director goes to...
Stop!
Wait, wait.
Where'd you put the wheelchair?
What did you do with it?
I thought you took it.
Oh, my god, it looks like he's been drinking.
Oh, Mr. Jackson, we're coming.
It's Jermaine Johnson.
It's fine.
It's fine everybody.
Oh, Mr. Johnson.
It's fine.
Everything is fine.
Just talk amongst yourselves.
It's just a little wheelchair thing.
Now in the best director category
the spindle goes to Jermaine Jackson.
All right!
Director of "black feeling white wheels."
Yay.
All right, here you go.
Congratulations, sir.
Here you go.
All right, I got it.
First off, I'd like... oh, Jesus.
Oh.
First off, I'd like to thank all the nurses
at St. John's hospital.
Not only, not only giving me the will to live, but the will
to create.
There's a feature in this.
Everybody at this festival has been generous and kind to me.
Hey, boo.
It gives me a great pleasure to say
that Jermaine Johnson has just signed with the largest
agency in the country.
I'm going to Hollywood, baby.
Nicky, who do you think that is?
Who do you think?
Why don't you ask him.
Halle Barry, Denzel, and you.
For the best actress it is a tie.
Yes, yes.
Amazing performance by two extraordinarily talented
actresses.
Ladies and gentlemen, Vanessa Lynn and Tasmine.
Who is that?
Who the hell is that?
It is a tie.
My god, it's a child.
Beat by a 9-year-old and a transvestite.
Clap, clap, clap.
You were beaten by a 9-year-old and a transvestite.
Look at both of you, so lovely.
My god.
Clap, darling.
They say that big things come in small packages,
and that certainly is the case with Tory's story,
"the secret life of Margaret Thatcher."
That fucking Nicky.
I knew I shouldn't have come here.
Ms. Thatcher, who I had the pleasure of almost meeting back
in the '80's.
And after all, who could resist playing the role of sister
to this darling little girl?
And now our second nominated film
for best picture.
Stop!
Stop him!
Help!
Thief!
Stop.
Somebody help!
Bad ass,
you saved the day, African American surfer hero.
No problem, ma'am.
And remember, you don't have to have legs to fight crime.
Just call me ass, bad ass.
Here take my card.
Thank you.
Your card is black.
It's African American.
Come here, give me a hug.
You deserve it.
Yes, I do.
All right, another big moment.
Every moment so big.
For best actor, Mr. Zachary Zane Reed.
Yes, yes.
Way to go ZZ.
Way to go.
Oh, man.
First of all, I'd like to apologize for arriving late.
We love you!
What happened?
I was unavoidably detained.
Would you care to comment further on that?
Uh, well...
ZZ is uh, he's too modest.
ZZ had become a local hero.
Ok.
By helping the police in the investigation
of a major theft in the area.
Now, obviously, he can't give you the details at this time.
But I can assure you that due to ZZ's efforts
the police now have a significant lead.
And the identity of the thief could
be revealed at any moment.
So, ZZ!
I don't know what you just did but good work.
Actually, I was late for another reason.
Oh, my god.
He's going to says he's gay.
I've been thinking about this for awhile
and this is something that I have to do.
So I've decided to quit acting.
No!
He's quiting acting?
But you're beautiful and you're on such a role.
It's time where I'm allowed to express who I really am.
I've decided to direct.
Do you have Tourette's?
Thank you.
And now our third nominated film.
Would you like a crumpet?
I'd rather a scotch.
What's wrong, sister dear?
I simply don't know how we're going to pay all the bills.
I mean there's only so much one can
do with a degree in crystallography.
Well there must be something else out there.
Don't you have any dreams?
Well, actually... No, it's absurd.
No, please tell me.
Well to be quite honest, I've always
rather fancied the idea of becoming grand minister
of Great Britain.
The iron lady.
Ah, but politics is no place for a lady.
You're more than a lady and a woman.
It's a regular talent you have, Dedra.
This is good.
We will have more of O'hi nominated films
when we return.
I kind of want to run an idea about you.
Do you want to get a drink?
It's an idea I have about a movie about your life.
Oh, I
had to get more comfortable.
I'm tired.
I feel like "no country for old men."
About all the women.
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm so sorry.
So sorry.
I have to see if you'll just sign this.
Harvey.
Yeah?
I'm going to kill you.
You don't have to do that.
There you go.
Oh, it's so great.
Not yet.
Ok.
Thank you, can you sign the rest?
No.
Ok.
I want to know what it was like growing up
in like the depths of hell, basically.
Without a father, without money.
Sharing a bed with your mother.
And you just have like a cow.
My mom married this really wealthy business guy
after she had me.
Ok.
Don't you think the cow would be better?
The entire room here at the O'hi film festival banquet
is holding its breath as we wait for the judges
to tally up the final vote for who will take
the coveted best film spindle.
I am extremely excited myself.
And I know that we are all just rapt with anticipation.
Marianne.
The only man chasing me.
She's dead to people all the day.
These girls can't hold a candle to you.
What do you want, Nicky?
More money for the film?
I am really hurt that you think that.
But now that you brought it up, yes.
In exchange for what?
For double my percentage.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
And I can feel him inside of me.
You know, "in touch," and "gawker," and Perez Hilton.
It's like I know everything that's
going on in his life with, you know, Claudia and that thing.
Can I just make a suggestion?
Just take it or leave it.
Yeah.
But every time you say I can feel him inside of me,
about your father, it's creepy.
Wake up, Marianne.
Marianne.
Oh, the future governor here.
They're all drunk.
Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome our esteemed mayor.
It's very bright up here.
First of all, we are so thrilled to have
everybody from Hollywood here.
And being from Hollywood, I know that you all
understand that slander is a terrible thing.
There were rumors that earlier today there were sexual sounds,
and that they were coming from the principal's office,
and that I was somehow involved.
What it was was we were testing the emergency broadcast system
at O'hi high.
And clearly it has some problems,
which we are planning to rectify, fix, very soon.
So, uh...
Our fourth nominated film.
I don't know if I can take this much longer.
They're after me and they're going to get me.
There's nothing left to do but run.
I'm so scared.
Murder!
Murderer!
Murder!
There's a murderer over there.
Um, so, anyway.
Murderer!
I'm sure that have some of you have seen the flyers around
and say that yarn is murder.
We know that yarn is not murder.
First of all, the sheep need to be sheared, Sharn.
And they like it.
Your phone's ringing.
I see.
Nicky, look, I don't understand this message.
It's strange.
That's sensational.
Are you kidding me?
Pacino?
Come on.
Oh, kid me.
How would he have seen the movie?
I sent it to him yesterday.
Incredible.
What?
Yeah.
You know I figured if this "enigma" is going
to become the Titanic, the boat not the movie, that,
uh, no reason that you should sink with the ship.
No.
You look fucking good in this movie.
So I sent it to him.
Oh, my god.
Amore.
Are you guys an item again?
No, we're not.
And now.
The final submission for best picture.
Darling, we must raise up.
Let her go, she's old.
She'll die anyway.
Oh, your mother would be so proud of you.
If she had survived.
Just look up.
Yeah, yeah, Reed.
Nice.
Not bad, huh?
And I think we have some news.
My god, calm.
That was the studio on the phone.
That's who you called.
They just don't think they'll recoup their investment
by releasing it in the major cities.
So they want open it wide.
What?
Are you kidding me?
Are you serious?
He said it was comic genius.
Told you!
I'm trying to think of his words.
Uh, comic geniuses.
The guy thinks you're the next fucking Kubrick.
Ah, this is great.
So I'm going to call Larry tomorrow
and have them run the numbers with the studio.
Who's Larry, man?
You're the one that brought in the studio.
You're the one that I want to make the call.
Find me somebody that I can trust.
And the award for best picture goes to...
Oh, thank you.
Um, this is so unexpected.
You know when I started the first film... the O'hi film
festival, regretfully the last film festival.
It just, it just feels like moments
ago that I was an undertaker with a little camera phone.
And I just hope this influences other undertakers
out there that have dreams.
Anyone else, you don't have to be an undertaker.
Anybody with a dream.
I don't have a great deal of people
to thank, except for that guy in the freezer.
A lot of people ask me what's next?
What are you doing?
I actually have a three picture deal
and I'm currently shooting my next film.
I will rise.
I will rise again.
There was a time, not long ago, when I was flying high.
Don't you know?
It felt like everything I touched turned to gold.
Now it seems those days are gone.
I've got to fight now to carry on.
But I will rise.
I will rise once again.
I will rise again.
Have a little faith, say a little prayer.
Go to the mountain, climb your way up there.
Because better days will surely soon be right here.
I just know my life's going to change.
My life of chaos now be rearranged.
But I will rise.
I will rise.
I will rise once again.
I will rise again.
Well I was lost but now I'm found.
Picked myself up off the ground.
Yeah, I will rise.
I will rise.
I will rise once again.
I will rise again.
Make a new start.
Change my ways.
I feel them coming now, those better days.
Maybe now, maybe now, my luck, my luck, is going to change.
My life is going to change.
I will rise.
I will rise once again.
I will rise again.
O'hi, my O'hi, you mean the world to me.
O'hi, my O'hi, there's no place I would rather be.
O'hi, my O'hi, you mean the world to me.
O'hi, my O'hi, there's no place I would rather be.
There's no place I would rather be.
Times they are a changing, baby.
They ain't what they used to be.
Yeah.
Times they are a changing, baby.
They ain't what they used to be.
But I ain't going nowhere, baby.
You ain't seen the last of me.
Well, you know we all look up to someone, baby.
I look up to you.
You know I do.
Yeah.
We all look up to someone, baby.
And I'll just look up to you.
You know I do.
Well, you know you are my hero, baby.
And I look up to you.