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[wistful piano theme plays]
[wistful theme continues, orchestral]
TRANSGENDER DIES AT CORONATION!
[in Taglish] There you go. The makeup is done.
[in Taglish] I must say, you have a different aura now.
[in Taglish] You look so fresh and your skin is glowing!
-This is still me. -Of course.
[in Taglish] Oh my. I have too much blush on.
[in Taglish] What are you doing? You need that. Vitamin B for blush.
You're so pale. That gives you some color.
My eyebrows are too thick. They looked better before.
Don't be silly. They look fine.
My bra is too tight.
-My breasts are so heavy. -Give them to me.
You wanted big breasts, remember?
[in Taglish] Why so fussy? Are you menstruating?
-Aren't you supposed to be dead? -Ouch.
-So what if I'm dead? -Nothing.
So Heaven let you in looking like that?
[in English] Secret.
When I die, I don't want to end up in hell.
[in Taglish] You are so emo nowadays!
[in Taglish] Since I died, you've been so emotional.
What's the matter with you? Go and get dressed.
[in Taglish] We are going to be late for the pageant.
[in Taglish] Smile! What's your problem? Being gay?
I don't like the way I look.
What?
[mutters]
That gay is crazy... Oh my!
[crying] My goodness! Why do you look like that?
You look like a lesbian selling milk.
Goodness, Barbs. What happened?
[in Taglish] I am not Barbs. My name is Bobby. I'm a man. I'm straight.
Wow.
Really?
You have boobs!
You're gay.
-So I'm gay, huh? -Yes.
[Trisha screams]
[rooster crows]
[sad piano music]
[in Taglish] Trish, I still can't get over losing you.
Why did God take you during the pageant?
[in Swardspeak] Did you have to die the moment you were crowned?
I miss you so much, my best friend.
-[Princess] Barbshie! -What?
Let's go, Barbshie! It's my time to shine!
It's too early in the morning for all this noise!
[in Taglish] It's time! I'm ready for my treening.
[in Taglish] What "treening"? It's "training"?
How will you get past the Q&A?
Let's go! Let's do this.
Go ahead. I'll just freshen up.
-Don't take too long. -OK.
[in Taglish] Mother of All Gays, pray for me.
[in Swardspeak] Idiot! Get out of here!
-See you downstairs? -Yes.
[Barbs in Taglish] Let's begin the practice.
[in Taglish] Whoever gives the best introduction
to these countries
[in Taglish] will be declared the winner.
-[in English] Are you ready, girls? -[girls in English] Ready!
[whistles]
[in Taglish] I feel. You feel. We feel. Feel-ippines!
[in English] Very good.
[whistles]
Hungry, dizzy, lost Malay-sia! (consciousness)
[whistles]
You keep talking but no one's asking you! Nepal!
[whistles] What? I can't agree to that! Nor-way!
[whistles] ♪ One little, two little, three little India! ♪
[both whistle]
Since you both whistled, you both should answer.
[in English] Good luck!
[in English] Seventy-seven, seventy-eight, seventy-nine, Haiti!
Let go of him, he's mine.
I don't want a ka-Haiti! (someone to share with)
The following program is rated Fiji! (Parental Guidance)
Eat slowly. Don't act like you're starving.
Don't be Fiji. (PG: starving and desperate)
Stop it. I'm very tired.
I've lost my Ghana! (enthusiasm).
[laughs]
[Barbs in English] Pick a question.
[in English] If you were to choose,
[in English] do you want to be beautiful but not so smart,
[in English] or smart but not so beautiful?
-[in English] Yes. -Yes what?
[in English] Yes... Can you change the question, please?
[in Taglish] Princess, just pick. Beauty or brains?
[in English] Duh! Beauty.
-[in English] Why beauty? -[in English] Why not? And I thank you.
[in English] OK. Contestant number two.
[in English] Are you in favor of death penalty?
[groans] Move!
[in English] I am not in favor of death penalty because I believe
[in English] that everyone has the capacity to change for the better.
[in English] Everyone! And I mean everyone...
[in English] deserves unlimited chances to become a better human being,
[in English] because in the end, only God can judge us.
-[in English] Thank you. -[in English] Very good answer!
Gays? Hey!
Are you just going to chitchat all day?
Barbs! Kennie!
You're always talking about the pageant!
[in Taglish] There is work to do downstairs. You have corpses to make over!
Yes, Mama Flora!
Go home, Princess. Practice some more.
[in Taglish] I got all my titles because I trained a lot.
What sort of questions are those?
[Kennie] Pick one.
How many toilets are there in the entire Philippines?
Is that serious? You have to count all the toilets in the country?
What a difficult question.
[in Taglish] Listen, everyone. Watch and learn.
[giggling]
A beautiful question should be given a beautiful answer
by an incredibly beautiful candidate such as myself.
How many toilets are there in the Philippines?
[in Taglish] I believe there are three.
[in Taglish] One for men, one for women and one for persons with disability.
[in English] I thank you.
[cheering]
You are a winner, Mama Flora. You are a legend.
-You are a living monument. -Oh, stop it.
You should be taking care of the Santacruzan parade.
-It's fast approaching. -I'm excited about that, mother!
Now, stop this nonsense or I'll yank your pubes!
Let's go, the dead are waiting!
-Yes. Come on. -[Mama Flora] Follow me.
Come on. Hurry.
[woman] I know Barbs.
[in Taglish] She was the makeup artist of her best friend, Trisha?
I saw you on the news.
[Barbs] Thanks. What can we do for you?
[woman] What about Angelina Jolie? How much?
-To look like Angelina, it's Php 7,000 -That's expensive.
It's Angelina Jolie!
We can do Katy Perry for Php 5,000.
Taylor Swift for Php 5,000.
Mariah Carey for Php 5,000.
Still quite expensive.
Kim Kardashian for Php 3,500.
-Kim...? -Yes.
[in Taglish] How about Kim Delos Santos for only Php 350?
Let's not go local. My child would prefer Hollywood.
-[in Taglish] She's choosy. -How much is your budget?
-[in English] Five hundred pesos. -What?
[in Taglish] My goodness! Five hundred?
[in Taglish] Barbs, do you have a 500-peso look?
[Kennie snickers]
[in Taglish] Consider it an act of charity.
[in English] Share your blessings.
[in Taglish] We don't accept proposals like that.
We are a business.
[screams theatrically] My child!
-[Kennie] She's already dead. -My child!
Did your daughter like Lady Gaga?
-[happily] Oh, yes! -Barbs!
Immediately.
I can do that for free. Just pay for the funeral services.
-[in Taglish] I'll take care of her look. -No!
[in English] Business is business!
It's OK. Just deduct it from my salary.
-Suit yourself! -Don't you feel sorry for her?
[in Taglish] Let's take a look so we can start the makeover.
You're heaven-sent, Barbs!
[in Taglish] Here we go. Viewing...
-[all scream] -Goodness!
Why does she look like that? Why is her mouth twisted?
[in Taglish] Sorry about that. She was pooping when she had a stroke.
[in Taglish] Barbs? This is going to take too long.
The parade is tomorrow. We need to prepare,
-dress up, put on makeup... -[shushes]
It's Lady Gaga, right? I got this.
[pop music playing]
Are you sure this is Lady Gaga?
[in English] Yes, Mommy. That's Lady Gaga circa 2009 VMA MTV Awards.
My child, I hope you are very happy.
[in Taglish] They did a great job transforming you.
-[Barbs in English] Thank you. -[Flora] Barbs! Where are my red curtains?
[softly] Oh, hush! Your curtains don't cost much.
[softly] It wasn't a big loss.
[hushed] What do you mean? What did you do? What is that?
[loudly] It looks like a huge menstrual flow.
[in English] Mother!
I mean, your daughter is one huge, very beautiful menstrual flow,
-and you are her sanitary napkin. -Idiot. [laughing]
The participants of the parade are here.
-[clapping] -[procession music plays]
-Where's your escort? -Gregory isn't here?
It's up to you. We need to start soon.
[in Taglish] Gregory, where are you? The parade is about to start.
What? But you promised.
Please, Gregory!
No queen has ever walked alone.
Gregory! Hello? The connection is breaking up. Gregory!
[sobbing] Gregory.
You don't need an escort to be a queen.
Don't cry!
Your makeup will go to waste. It's a shame, you're so pretty.
Your boyfriend is a jerk.
[in Swardspeak] I told you if I were straight, I'd get you pregnant.
Really now?
I told you, there are plenty of men out there.
[in Taglish] You can have my partner.
-Or mine. There he is. -[shushes]
Girls, I'm fine.
I am not going to let Gregory ruin the queen's last walk.
-"Last"? -"Last"?
[in Taglish] Yes, next year, it will be your turn, Princess.
-Really? -Yes. It's your turn.
I hope this inspires you to win those pageants.
[in English] Yes, Barbshie!
[in English] So, girls, let's feel the moment. Let's enjoy the moment.
[in Taglish] I have a feeling that this night is gonna be our night.
[upbeat dance music]
[thunder rumbling]
-Isn't it summer? -Yes.
-Never mind. -[in English] Anyway.
[laughing]
[man] Return to the righteous path.
[Flora] We're just waiting for the band.
[man] Return to the righteous path.
-Return to the righteous path. -What is this?
It's not too late.
[thunder rumbling]
[hopeful music]
[man] Return to the righteous path.
It's not too late.
[in Swardspeak] What's this? You're ugly.
[man] Return to the righteous path.
-Barbs, let's switch places! -Why?
As if you haven't been eyeing each other!
I'm giving him to you as a gift.
Use him to get back at your boyfriend.
-Break up with him. -I don't want to.
My hymen still wants Gregory.
[in Taglish] Are you sure?
Don't force me.
OK.
-Hi! -Hi!
-I'm Barbs. -I'm Tom.
People, the procession is about to start. Let's begin.
[marching band music playing]
-[lightning crashes] -[people screaming]
Princess!
[Barbs] I should have been the one the lightning struck.
If Princess hadn't switched with me,
I would have been the one who'd died.
[clicks teeth] Come on.
Just thank the Lord for giving us another chance.
I wish it were me. I wish it were me again.
-Don't say that. -[Barbs sniffs]
[somber music playing]
-What look do you want for her? -I'll do her makeup.
What's your plan?
Perhaps Beyoncé. Or maybe Rihanna?
Why not Whitney or Chaka Khan? Or Tina Turner?
Just because she got burnt, she has to be a black person?
Don't be racist!
[Barbs sniffles] I'm going to make you beautiful, Princess.
-Done. -Let's take a look.
[Flora] Who's that? And why is there a broom on her face?
That's Sia.
Oh, Sia Pusit. What about Sia Quizon?
The daughter of Zsa Zsa?
That's not her. Sia Alonzo Wurtzbach?
That's Pia. This is Sia, Sia!
She's the one who sang "Chandelier".
[in English] ♪ Chandelier ♪
-Oh, right! -[Kennie] Oh, right!
You'll be spooked when she suddenly opens her eyes.
-Barbs? -Huh?
Barbs. Come on.
-Talk to me. Barbs, please. -What?
My wife was guarding me like a hawk last night.
Greg, you have to choose. Who do you love, me or her?
[Greg sighs]
-I love both of you equally. -Go back to your wife.
Barbs...
Wait. Greg, wait! Stop.
-Barbs. -This isn't right.
-Barbs don't do this. I love you, Barbs. -You have to choose.
I give up. We are over.
-[Barbs] What are you doing? -You son of a bitch!
Stop it.
No one breaks up with me!
-[grunts] -[Barbs groans]
-[Greg] Now what? -Stop it!
-[grunts] -[Flora] What's that?
[indistinct yelling]
-You beast! -You better leave!
Leave now. You've got a lot of nerve, troublemaker!
[Barbs panting]
Hey!
-Barbs! -Barbs!
I don't want this anymore! [clattering]
[Kennie] Barbs, stop it.
-Barbs, that's enough. -Barbs...
I am not Barbs. I'm a man!
[clattering]
What are you saying, Barbs?
-Barbs... -Barbs, what are you doing?
[Flora and Kennie scream]
[crying] I'm so tired!
I'm not Barbs anymore! Barbs is gone.
Hello, Bobby.
[wistful music playing]
Dang it!
[woman 2] He was always trying to be like me...
[sobbing] ...until he became gay.
But he didn't want that, and neither did I.
That's why we're here.
I am Felix B. Ayag, a real man.
My name is Deacon.
[in Taglish] I had a girlfriend.
-[laughing and clapping] -[man] Amen.
But... [inhales manfully]
...I was unfaithful.
One night, I got drunk and ended up sleeping with my male best friend.
I was formerly known as Barbs Cordero.
I changed my body into that of a woman. I even had breast implants.
I really felt that I was born a woman.
Perhaps I was wrong,
because eventually my gay friends died one by one.
[chuckles] My name is...
[in feminine voice] Bobby Cor... [coughs]
[in deeper voice] Sorry. Phlegm. Bobby Cordero.
[loud clapping]
And, Bobby,
the Lord God is giving you a chance
to right... your wrongs.
You are lucky!
Very lucky indeed, because not everyone gets a second chance.
[clapping]
[in English] Welcome! [laughing]
[in English] Welcome to the Way of Light community
where we embrace everyone who wants to change.
[in English] Step into the light and see the diamond in the sky.
[laughing and clapping]
How will you choose what is right?
How will you choose to be straight?
Pray. Just pray.
You have to pray. Yes, what is it?
What prayer should I say? This is so difficult.
I always pray and I go to church regularly.
I wasn't done talking.
[in Taglish] Of course, in making a decision or a choice,
those things can be learned.
[in English] It can be learned.
[in English] You just have to choose to do the right thing.
Here at Way of Light, you will go
through different processes in your quest for change.
[in Taglish] Oh, yes! We will change you...
[in Taglish] We will change you in spirit,
[in English] spiritually, physically...
[in English] mentally...
[in English] and more importantly...
[panting]
[in English] ...sexually.
[whistles]
I am Brother Sonny.
Bobby. Here are the balls that you lost.
You have to get your balls back.
You have to man up
in order to reach and scale that wall
which is blocking the way to your balls.
-Go! -[shrill whistle]
-[Bobby screams shrilly] -Get your balls!
Get your balls, Bobby.
[indistinct shouting]
Bobby, your balls. Get your balls!
Fight it. Don't give up, Bobby.
[in Taglish] Go to the other side. Cross the wall that's blocking your way.
-Bobby! -Yes!
[in feminine voice] Yes! My balls.
[in deep voice] I got my balls.
[clapping]
[peaceful music]
[Sonny] In front of you is a television.
Just stare intently at the rotating images.
The only sound you'll hear is my voice.
Listen, find out where it will lead you.
[in Taglish] In the end, you will see the trigger
that made you gay.
Bobby Cordero.
You are a real man.
You will forget your past.
You will forget your sins
because God is calling you.
Let's discuss your trauma.
What event in your life made you decide to become gay?
Feel...
your suffering.
The pain that you are experiencing now...
you can never go through this again.
[heavy breathing]
-[in English] Now... -Trisha.
Princess!
-Are you sure? -[in English] Yes, Doc.
[Sonny in English] Come into the light...
[in English] and shine like a diamond in the sky.
[somber music]
[clicks fingers]
[narrating] I felt something extraordinary inside.
[erotic music playing]
[man laughs]
God is serious with his commands.
If you can sleep with a woman, then you are a real man.
[in Taglish] What are you waiting for? Enjoy!
[in Taglish] Go forth and do it. I'll be watching, OK?
[erotic music keeps playing]
I'll just use the comfort room.
[tense music]
If you can sleep with a woman then you are a real man.
...you are a real man.
[erotic music playing]
[Barbs moans]
[yapping moaning]
[dance music playing]
Pastor, may I have a word?
I don't think your conversion therapy works.
How can you say that?
Tomorrow, come to my office and let's try something.
Remember, it will only work if you choose to make it work.
-[in Taglish] Are you ready? -[in Taglish] Ready for what?
[Sonny clears throat]
[in English] Brother?
What's this?
[in English] Resist temptation.
[in Taglish] This is part of your therapy.
[in Taglish] I think I can resist you.
It's not that easy. Are you insulting us?
-Don't. Please. -[Sonny shushing]
[indistinct shouting]
Calm down.
I've got you, calm down.
[Barbs] What are you doing?
Don't worry, this is part of your change.
-[Sonny shushing] -[laughing]
[groaning]
Please stop.
-[Barbs groaning] -[Sonny shushing]
[laughing]
[sobs] Stop it.
-[Barbs sobbing] -[Sonny moaning]
[vehicle approaching]
Let me help you!
Barbs?
Barbs, is that you?
Don't you remember me?
It's me, Michael. Michael Angelo.
Barbs? Are you OK?
Is... is Trisha with you?
[sniffs]
Trisha is dead.
[sniffles]
There were nights when my conscience wouldn't let me sleep.
No matter where I looked,
memories of her hounded me.
[sniffs]
She didn't just give me my nose lift.
She lifted up my life, too.
[romantic music]
Hey! No obscenity allowed.
But it's OK to fix your eyebrows?
-Hmph! -[car revving]
[Michael] I wanted to ask Trisha for forgiveness
but my fear got the best of me.
I told myself, "Maybe we'll see each other again at the right time."
That's not going to happen now that she's gone.
I wish I could have gone to her wake.
[sniffs]
I would have asked for forgiveness.
How will I make it up to her now?
At first, I thought that money was the only thing I wanted from her.
But I kept searching for her in my other gay relationships.
She was different.
Are you OK?
This sauce is really hot.
[laughs]
Mister! Why do you keep cutting onions?
[in Taglish] Are those squid rings or onion rings?
[chuckles]
How are you, Barbs? Why do you...
Why do you look different?
Like you, I chose the straight path.
But it keeps getting crooked.
-[in Taglish] I keep making a U-turn. -[laughs]
Oh, so that's it.
It doesn't suit me, right?
Trisha would find it repulsive.
[sighs] If only she were here.
[in English] Well...
Trisha's dead. But Barbs is very much alive.
[Michael] Let me bring you home. Where are you staying?
-My place is not that far. -[Michael] Come with me. Let's go.
[knocking]
[both scream]
Why do you look like that?
What did I tell you? "You'll be back."
Enough with all that Bobby nonsense.
Oh, come on.
So, what now? Are you back to being Barbs?
[in English] New and improved.
[in Taglish] Improved? Something is lacking.
I'm going to have that fixed.
That is, if you'll take me back so I can start saving up.
What did I tell you before?
[both in English] Happy Ending Funeral Homes
[both in English] will always be your home.
-I miss you, Ma. -[soft laugh]
I missed you too, Barbs.
But the dead missed you more.
Your hands can bring the dead back to life.
[laughs]
Barbs, have you checked her makeup?
Yes, I'm done with that.
-What about Arianne's? -I'm also done with that.
-What about Selena's? -Done.
[in Taglish] By the way, Barbs, the gowns are ready for pick up at the boutique.
-All right. I will go there later. -OK.
[knocking]
[in Taglish] Hello. Good morning. I'm looking for Barbs.
Barbs! Someone's looking for you.
-Hello. -Hello. How's your day?
-Hi, Michael. Thank you for this. -You're welcome.
[all] Michael Angelo?
[all] We're all done with him.
Thank you for accompanying me.
You can always count on me.
[Barbs sighs]
I didn't know you played basketball.
[in Taglish] Yes, I'm playing at the Taxi Drivers Association League
-the day after tomorrow. -I hope you play a good game.
[in Taglish] You bet. I can shoot three-points in the dark.
Why are you still holding that? Let me take that.
[in English] Thank you.
-Barbs? -Yes, what it is?
I didn't know you worked with Arianne and Selena.
Yes, but I just met them.
Mama Flora hired new people because of her growing clientele.
-Why? -Well...
Arianne and Selena,
they are my exes.
But our relationships were short-lived because I went back to the province.
Come on. That's OK.
[in English] Past is past.
[in Taglish] Besides, we don't have a present, so there's no need to explain.
Not yet.
[romantic music playing]
[romantic music continues]
[phone ringing]
[clears throat]
Hello?
-What happened? -She had another asthma attack.
We didn't give her enough medicines last week.
We went to the hospital earlier. They prescribed a lot of costly medicines.
-Let me see. -How can we afford to buy those?
I'll find a way.
[sighs] I'm sorry, Barbs. I have to go and earn some money.
Hold on.
Here, Michael. I have some savings left.
-No, Barbs. I can manage. -Take it. It's OK. Come on.
It's OK. It's my way of helping you.
I'm not after your money.
I know.
Please accept it. It's for your family.
Barbs, thank you very much.
I'll pay you back as soon as I am able.
Thank you.
[Michael] Barbs?
[knocking]
[Michael] Barbs? Hi.
Michael Angelo, quit being a pest. Barbs isn't here.
She went to her aunt's place in Cebu. We don't know when she will be back.
[in Taglish] Is there anything we can do for you?
Does she have any other number I can call? I can't reach her.
[Selena] None. We haven't spoken to her either.
Mama Flora's also trying to find her.
[in Taglish] Ah! Speaking of Mama Flora. We've got a lot of work to do.
-Wait a minute. -Go ahead.
-Take care! -Bye-bye!
[in Taglish] It was nice seeing you. Bye-bye!
[sighs]
You're something else.
He's the one who borrowed money, and yet you're the one hiding.
-What now? -He's married!
Even though you knew Michael Angelo and I had a past, you still accepted it.
-What makes this different? -[in English] True.
[in English] Well, past is past.
But his wife is still his wife.
[in English] So present is present.
Just be frank. Tell him it's over. The end!
-Right? -You're scared, aren't you?
Scared of what?
When you see him, you might give in.
No, I won't.
-[in English] I'm sure. -Really?
[in Taglish] I'm going to buy some stuff for the new batch of corpses. Excuse me.
-Hey, be careful. -Be careful out there.
Barbs?
Barbs!
[honking]
Michael, how are you? I didn't notice you.
When did you get back from Cebu?
[in Taglish] Just now. I went right back to work.
[in Taglish] Why didn't you call me? I could have picked you up.
[in Taglish] Well, we're trying to cut costs.
Mama Flora told me to ride a jeep.
You wouldn't have to pay me.
[in Taglish] Next time I'll ask you for a ride.
Wait a minute.
[in Taglish] Hey, how come you didn't get in touch with me?
-Are you avoiding me? -What?
Why would I do that? I'm not avoiding you. Don't be silly.
Come with me then.
It's my daughter's birthday. We're having a small gathering.
[in Taglish] Michael, I have to finish so many...
Come on, this is my way of saying thank you.
OK, but let me go back to the funeral home first.
-Then... -No. Give me that.
You might suddenly leave for Cebu again. Get inside.
[in Taglish] We're going to my child's birthday. Let's go!
How is your daughter?
She's OK. No more asthma attacks.
By the way, here's the money I owe you.
Oh, no, keep it.
[in Taglish] Pay me next time. There might be another emergency.
Thank you.
Come, let's eat.
Sorry, this is all that we have.
This is fine.
[chuckles] Thank you for the money.
-It really helped us, and Nica. -Don't mention it.
If we could have her baptized again, you'd be her godfather.
[chuckles] Godmother.
Here, take this. I haven't touched it.
No, that's yours.
[in Taglish] That's OK. I'm not selfish. I know how to share.
Come on, let's eat.
Barbs, please don't avoid me.
I want you to always be by my side.
I want to make you happy.
I want you to always be my passenger.
Michael, you're married.
What do you want to happen?
Whenever you're tired of your wife, you will come to me?
When you're tired of using the front door,
[in Taglish] you'll use the back door?
What do you want me to be?
The other woman? Number two?
[in Taglish] Your mistress? Tell me.
Because I am going to say yes.
[romantic music playing]
[romantic music intensifies]
Girls! I'm pregnant.
[in Swardspeak] Don't be stupid, Barbs!
We have eggs, but we don't have egg cells.
[in Swardspeak] You're just jealous because I have a boyfriend.
We're certainly not jealous! We are just concerned.
What's the matter with you, Barbs?
Your first boyfriend, Greg, used to beat you up.
Now you're with someone who's already committed.
Girl, we just don't want you to keep making the same mistakes.
Oh, Barbs.
[in Taglish] That's OK. Love isn't right minus wrong.
-Just keep in mind that of all the... -[car honking]
[in Taglish] Saved by the car horn! Bye girls.
-This girl is driving me crazy! -Take care, you're making me nervous.
We just finished working on that.
Barbs, why don't you adopt a child like Trisha did?
That way, someone can take care of you when you grow old.
I'm not yet ready. I don't think I will ever be ready.
If my only reason for adopting
is to have someone to take care of me when I grow old
then I should just get a caregiver.
-This is a big serving. -The oxtail stew is delicious.
-Help me finish this. -OK.
What's your food today?
-[sighs] -Angela!
-Come and eat with us. -Come on.
-I already ordered. -Have a seat. Join us.
Let's share Michael.
I mean, the food.
Miss, may we have another plate, please?
She doesn't care because I don't have a pussy.
-[chuckles] -Since Angela's not jealous,
he's fine with it.
[in Taglish] He's so sweet and thoughtful.
[in Taglish] You paid for that, right?
[in English] Excuse me. He's a changed man.
-Oh. -He spends for our dates,
unlike when you were dating him.
But not all the time. How often does he act that way?
[snickering]
You're so...
[gasps]
-[dramatic music playing] -Barbs...
I miss you.
I shouldn't have let you go.
[gasps] Wait, the balloons.
Will you give me another chance?
What a fragrant flower.
-No wonder two bees are fighting over it. -[in English] So true.
Let's just focus on preparing for the pageant this Saturday.
[in Taglish] And just to be clear, I don't love Greg anymore.
I already have Michael Angelo.
When I see Greg later, I will tell him it's over.
I don't want him anymore. I'm very happy.
-[honking] -[in English] I'm sure...
We're short of time.
-You're going to avoid him? -It's over?
You don't love him anymore?
It's Michael Angelo's day off and I need a ride.
[shrieks]
-Hey, what are you doing? Be careful. -This gay.
-Look there! -So finicky.
Barbs, I regret everything I've done to you.
Greg, I have forgiven you a long time ago.
[in Taglish] I have moved on.
-I don't... -[old woman] I'll hitch a ride.
I know I've hurt you. But I have changed.
One thing hasn't changed though.
I still love you.
My goodness! Drop me off here!
[in Taglish] What an attitude!
-Greg, I don't love you anymore. -[loud music playing]
-What did you say? -I am not in love with you anymore!
[loud music keeps playing]
Barbs, speak louder! I can't hear you!
Who's playing disco music at this early hour?
Greg, I am not...
Give me a ride! I'm about to give birth!
Head for the nearest hospital!
No, not there. It's expensive! Let's just go to Juanita.
-Please, drive faster! -We are here now.
[woman crying]
Let me help you.
-Walk slowly. -Juanita! I'm giving birth!
[crying]
-Be careful. -I am being careful.
[pained moans] My goodness!
[woman keeps moaning]
[dreamy music]
[panting]
Gregory.
[pained moans]
[screams]
[in Taglish] I'm sorry.
What were you saying earlier? You are not...
I am not...
-What? -...going to let you go.
-I still love you, Greg. -Really?
I love you more.
[happy music playing]
How was your day?
[sighs] It was exhausting.
But I don't mind being tired as long as I'm with you.
You're so pretty, Barbs. So pretty.
You are such a sweet talker!
Remember, your boyfriend is a driver.
You know how the saying goes.
[in Taglish] "A driver..."
"...is a sweet lover." Hmm.
You're such a messy eater.
You are also making a mess.
-How's the taste? -Delicious!
Really? Let's have one more.
[man singing rap in English] ♪ What you wanna do? ♪
♪ What many saw in you ♪
[romantic music playing]
♪ Love with you, dog When I'm trying to live ♪
[romantic music playing]
♪ Show 'em how we do it Let me do it, do it ♪
[romantic music playing]
[in Taglish] Barbshie, listen to me. Here are your options:
[in Taglish] Pampered mistress or battered wife?
Gregory has changed. He's not the same as before.
[in Taglish] Besides, I'm not a mistress. I have the wife's consent.
-[in English] And the winner is? -Do I really have to choose?
[in Taglish] Of course! Even in pageants, you can't share the crown.
[in Taglish] There's a queen and a runner-up. You're driving us crazy.
I don't know. I love them both.
[in Taglish] OK, I'll decide.
Whoever arrives first to support you wins.
And he should be wearing a pink top.
[in Taglish] What we've all been waiting for, the announcement of top three.
[in Taglish] You're in the top three, Ms. Selena Lovato!
[crowd cheering and applauding]
[pageant music playing]
[in Taglish] Sashay our way because you also made it, Ms. Jinky Donaire!
[crowd cheering and applauding]
[in English] And to complete our top three, congratulations, Ms. Barbs Cordero!
[crowd cheering and applauding]
[in English] Ladies and gentlemen, your top three for Miss Zoning 2018!
[in English] OK, Ms. Cordero, here is your question.
[in English] What is your greatest realization about love?
[in English] Ms. Cordero, you have five seconds to answer.
[romantic music playing]
[in English] Oh, I'm sorry, Ms. Cordero, but your time is up.
[in Taglish] Wait. I haven't answered the question yet. I'm sorry.
[in English] I'm sorry, time's up.
[in Taglish] Next contestant, please. Please take your place at the back.
[in Swardspeak] I can't believe you didn't answer that question, it's so annoying.
Did you know that...
-Hi Barbs! -Hi Barbs!
-Let's go, Barbs! -Let's go, Barbs!
[Barbs chuckles]
[in Taglish] Hold on. Let me introduce you to each other.
Michael Angelo, this is Greg.
Greg, meet Michael Angelo.
-Come on, Barbs. Get inside. -[Greg] No, Barbs. Ride with me.
Barbs, ride my taxi. It's air-conditioned.
It's cooler here, you can smell the fresh air.
And inhale all the dust. [chuckles]
[Greg] That's not a licensed cab.
[jeepney revving]
[Michael] His tricycle reeks of rat.
That's enough!
-Barbs, he has a flat tire. -Girls! Get inside.
-OK. -This might be the death of us.
Let's be careful, OK?
I'll see you at home.
-Barbs! -Barbs! Wait.
OK... This is the first time I'm going to introduce you to each other.
I will use this opportunity.
[in Taglish] Michael Angelo, this is my boyfriend, Greg.
[in Taglish] Greg, this is Michael Angelo, also my boyfriend.
-[in English] Boyfriend? -What do you mean?
This turd is your boyfriend?
-[laughs] Me, a turd? -Yes.
You look more like a shit-face than I do.
Hey! Stop bickering!
What are you both mad about?
Barbs, are you blind?
There are two of us. You only have one heart.
Wow, straight out of a movie!
Greg, you taught me that I can love more than one.
I asked you to choose between your wife and me.
You said you loved us both.
Are you the only one who can love two people at the same time?
What about me?
I was wrong.
That's why I came back.
I realized that you were right.
There should only be one. And it's you. You're the one I want.
And now you don't want to choose?
Pick me, Barbs.
Barbs, you don't have to choose.
Even if I'm married, it's OK as long as we're together.
You're so sweet, Michael Angelo.
If I were you, I'd choose Michael Angelo.
Did you hear what he said? It doesn't matter that he's married.
It's better to be a mistress than to get beaten up.
Idiot! Choose Greg, Barbs.
This man may be a jerk but at least you're the only one he's hitting.
Fine. If you don't want Michael Angelo,
I will sacrifice myself. He can have me instead.
And I will have all of him.
Barbs, if you're not going to pick Greg,
I'll take care of him for you. I'm ready.
Stupid bitches! You don't need to pick one of them.
[in Taglish] Go for fresh blood. I know this guy. He's got a nice body.
-Who is he? -Actually, he looks like you.
-[in Taglish] With his looks? No thanks. -[Flora] Hey!
What a ruckus! Let's all just sleep together!
-What? -Who wants to go first?
[in Taglish] Mother, wait.
[in Taglish] Selena, ask me that question from the Q&A.
-I don't remember it. -Kennie, you do it.
Don't ask me. It was noisy, I didn't hear it.
Arianne?
[in Taglish] I didn't pay attention. I lost, remember?
[sighs]
[in deep voice] Ms. Cordero.
[in English] What is your greatest realization about love?
[uplifting music]
[in normal voice, in English] Thank you for that wonderful question.
[in English] My greatest realization about love is that love has no limits.
The heart never becomes full.
Love can never be contained.
[in English] It expands the more you love.
You can never run out of love even when you give it.
[in Taglish] The more love you give, the more love you'll have.
[in Taglish] I am Barbs Cordero, saying that
you shouldn't just love as deeply as you can,
but also as many as you can.
[in English] And I thank you!
-[clapping] -That's a great answer!
-Barbs! -Barbs!
Excuse me. Does Bobby live here?
There's no one here with that name.
Bobby? There's no Bobby here.
Where is he?
Ah, he's gone. I am now Barbs Cordero.
You are Bobby!
It's Barbs! Don't push it, girl.
Wait. Are you from the Way of Light community?
Are you here for the full payment for the retreat?
Tell Brother Sonny and Pastor Donald that I paid when they raped me.
[in Taglish] In fact, they owe me. But now is not the time for this.
-There is so much going on! Fighting-- -Bobby, I'm pregnant.
-You're the father. -[Arianne] Huh?
No! I am not the father.
[Greg] A pastor raped you?
-Talk to me Barbs! -Bobby.
-One at a time! -Why'd you come in?
-Wait... -Bobby! Let me through.
-What do you want? -Bobby! I'm telling the truth.
-You're the father. -Hush!
-I'm not Bobby. I'm Barbs. -You're Bobby.
-Barbs! -Barbs, Bobby, it's the same.
Just call her Barbs. Bobby makes me want to puke.
This is your responsibility.
Don't turn your back on me.
This is your fault.
[in Taglish] Responsibility? Wow, that's a big word.
How is this my fault? You're a hooker.
I bet you were sent by Way of Light.
How do I know that's my child?
You're just causing trouble. Leave!
Hey, gay, I don't know what's keeping you busy here,
but because of you, I had to stop working.
So, you have to take responsibility.
You said it yourself, I am gay.
Do you really think you can give me a hard on?
Right!
Bobby, something happened between us.
You did get hard. You were even moaning.
-What? Hey! -You really liked my pussy.
Don't pretend that you don't remember!
Excuse me, I don't moan. You're such a liar!
-Do you know how? -How?
[mimics yapping moaning]
-Are you also pregnant? -Barbs! That is you!
-Do I do that? -Yes!
My goodness, Barbs! You also slept with this guy?
-So what? -You wretch!
[indistinct shouting]
-Hey, sis. -Yumi. My name is Yumi.
-Miss Yumi. -Just Yumi.
Just Miss Yumi. I need proof of what you're saying.
Believe it or not, you're the last man I slept with.
-What? -What?
[screaming and shouting]
You're an idiot!
After what happened between us, you didn't have any more clients?
Come on! In case you've forgotten, you are a prostitute!
Hmph! Don't call me a prostitute!
[in Taglish] What should I call you? Waitress? Bouncer?
[in Taglish] Clown? Mascot?
[in Taglish] You look like a mascot.
[in Taglish] And by the way, I did have a lot of clients!
But I didn't sleep with them!
[in Taglish] Just hand jobs and blow jobs.
I know what I should call you! A desperate, opportunist! A criminal!
You have no right to talk that way!
If I could raise the child alone, I would.
But how am I supposed to earn?
Being a prostitute is all I know. It's what I've been doing for so long.
I still have a lot of dreams!
I want a billboard in Pegasus! And then this happened!
[laughing]
You've got some nerve.
You can work while you're pregnant.
[in Taglish] You said hand jobs and blow jobs were easy.
You can do them with your eyes closed. You're a prostitute!
Look here, idiot!
[in Taglish] Who would want a hand job or a blow job from a pregnant woman?
-What am I supposed to do? -Just tell them you got fat!
Even fat prostitutes get customers.
You talk as if you know what prostitutes go through!
I'm not leaving, Bobby, not even if you drag me out!
-I'm not going anywhere. -Is that so?
Ouch!
-Bobby, have pity on me. Ouch! -Get out of here!
I don't know you and that child is not mine.
I won't accept you, understand?
Because I don't trust prostitutes!
Bobby, have pity on me. Show some mercy.
Have pity, Bobby.
Bobby, I'm just joking.
-The two of you... -What now, Barbs?
I'll abide by whatever you decide.
Do whatever you want. Just get out of here.
-Barbs. -Wait. Barbs.
Talk to me, Barbs.
Hey! Wake up!
-What? -Didn't I tell you to leave?
You're a handsome guy, if only you weren't so dramatic!
[in Taglish] You're being rude.
Get out of here. Show respect for the dead.
You have no right to ask me to leave. I am a guest.
How did that happen? Do you know the deceased?
-Madonna? -Wow, you know Madonna?
Of course! Is there any prostitute who doesn't know Madonna?
[chuckles] Really now.
This outfit right here?
She wore this during her Blonde Ambition Tour
in Chiba, Japan in 1990.
Enough with the trivia. Tell me the name of the deceased.
Why? Is it wrong to offer my condolences?
[hushed] Come with me.
Old folks say that a pregnant woman shouldn't go to a wake.
It would be bad for the baby.
Finally, some concern.
Yuck! I don't have any concern for you.
You know, I am not here to cause trouble.
Would I go and look for you here, if I weren't sure?
But you wouldn't understand, because you're not a woman.
We're all here today to find out if I am really the father of Yumi's child.
Mama Flora, you're here to witness this woman's lies!
This is insulting.
How come? You want them to know the truth?
You want to prove it? So!
Do you get your period regularly?
How will this determine if you're the father of this child?
-Just answer the question. -Yes!
Aha! When do you get it?
-On the 15th of every month. -Just like salaries. Every 15th.
At the end of the month, do you get your period, too?
[in Taglish] According to Google, a woman's period lasts for seven days.
Ten days after that, there is a big possibility that you might get pregnant.
[in Taglish] Add two more days just to be safe.
[in Taglish] That means your safe days
[in Taglish] are from the 4th to the 8th.
-When did we meet? -[in English] Three months ago!
[in Taglish] April 5th! Dawn of April 5th!
That was the day.
I can't forget that because that was the day...
[crying, indistinct pleading]
-[shushing] -Stop!
[pained groans]
Never mind. I'm sure of the day.
[in Taglish] If we met on April 5th,
then that means...
[in Taglish] that was your safe period.
[in English] Oh my God! I'm safe! [laughing]
[in English] Sister, you're safe!
-I'm safe! -[in English] ♪ I am not a daddy ♪
-[in English] ♪ I'm not a daddy ♪ -You fools!
[in Taglish] There are no safe periods! That's fake news!
[in Taglish] How can you call a scientific statement fake news?
[in English] Correction.
That was a statement from your phone which you Googled.
Women have different conditions when they have their period.
You are never guaranteed total safety. That's why a lot of women get pregnant.
Your menstrual period is not a good gauge.
What if your sperm are strong swimmers? There's nothing we can do.
How do I know you're not just making this up?
Why don't we ask the old man what he thinks?
-What old man? -Him.
What? You called me an old man?
[in Taglish] I've won so many pageants. How dare you call me an old man?
What we want to know is how you got pregnant!
Old lady, because I slept with someone, of course.
The penis enters a woman's vagina, then it goes like this.
After intense pumping, sperm comes out.
The sperm swims towards...
Witch! I know how children are made!
What we want to know is, what happened?
Tell them what happened that night
so that they won't think I'm making things up.
How?
[heavy breathing]
How can you do this to yourself? How?
Mama Flora, please don't judge me. I'm still gay.
Still very gay.
But Barbs! It's so hard to believe
that you can be a lesbian. And for her!
I should be the one crying. I'm the one who's in trouble.
I'm crying because...
[in Taglish] because I'm no longer virgin in women!
Wait!
[moaning]
[Barbs barking]
[in English] ♪ I am not the daddy I am not the daddy ♪
Don't celebrate yet.
And why not? I used a condom. You may go now.
[Yumi laughing] Condom?
-Condom! -[Flora in Taglish] She transforms!
[gasps]
[laughing]
Why don't you leave me alone, Yumi?
You won't get anything from me. Can't you see?
[in Taglish] Soon, I'm going to become a girl.
-Don't force yourself on me. -Wait.
[in Taglish] Sister, you're going to become a girl?
-[in English] Yes! I'm so excited! -[in English] Goodness!
Why didn't you tell us? When do you plan to do this?
I'm just saving up.
[Kennie] That's great!
-[Barbs laughing] -[commotion nearby]
-What's that? -I don't know.
Let me take care of it.
We're not finished yet.
We're done.
Enough! Would you two stop?
Hey! Wretch!
-What are you fighting about? -You!
I know you're fighting over me! Why?
[in Taglish] Barbs, didn't we agree that I would spend the night here?
[in Taglish] Barbs, we talked about this. I was going to spend the night here, too.
[in Taglish] So both of you will spend the night here! What's the problem?
What?
Are you going to kill each other because both of you will stay overnight?
What? Is the world going to end? I don't understand it.
You idiot.
-We can't be with you at the same time. -Don't come with us then.
-You wretch! -That's enough!
-Would you both stop? -Why are you pushing me?
Would you please stop!
Barbs, it's like this. Whatever makes you happy, I'll support you.
Enough! Barbs, you have to choose. You have to end this.
It's embarrassing.
-Bobby! -It's Barbs.
Bobby, Barbs or whatever you want to call yourself.
Listen, if you don't believe me, then I give up.
-Come with me. -Barbs.
Where? Wait. Where are we going?
Come with me. We're going to get an abortion.
After this, I will not bother you anymore.
You can pay for the abortion, right?
[in Taglish] It's cheaper than a DNA test.
Much cheaper! Affordable!
Let's get this over with. Are you coming or not?
[screams]
Would you mind staying outside?
[in Taglish] Sorry, Doc. Please, continue.
[Barbs screaming]
Miss, stay outside if you can't handle it.
[in English] Sorry, Doc. Sorry.
-You better shut your trap! -This is it! My eyes are closed.
[screaming]
Doc! Don't do it.
What's your problem, Bobby?
Yumi, let's not do this. Come on, let's go.
-Ouch. -Are you sure about this?
-Yes, I'm sure. Let's go, Yumi. Hurry! -All right.
Wait a minute! What about my fee?
[in Taglish] Doc, may we ask for a discount? Can we just pay half?
[in Taglish] Sorry, that's our policy. You can't bargain here.
We didn't finish anyway. Please. We'll just pay half the fee.
[in English] I'm sorry.
-Let's go, Yumi. -[in English] Thank you.
My slippers!
-Here we go. -Faster! Come on.
I can't take care of this baby alone.
I can't even take care of myself, let alone a child.
[in Taglish] I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm not blackmailing you.
Don't let your conscience bother you. You didn't do anything wrong.
We didn't do this deliberately and yet here we are. It's done.
Let's just get an abortion. This will solve all of our problems.
I can go back to work and you can get back to the life you wanted.
No. It's wrong.
It will be worse if we go down this road.
I'm not asking for permission, just letting you know.
Remember, I'm carrying the child.
I shouldn't have done this to you.
I should have gone straight to the clinic and had the abortion right away.
But you didn't do that.
That doesn't mean I can't.
Yumi, you're not going to have an abortion.
Let's leave it up to fate.
While you're waiting for the baby, I'm going to help you.
Barbs, you're overreacting. Maybe it was just gas,
or it was my stomach acting up because I didn't eat all day.
You said that you felt pain in your tummy. What if you're about to give birth?
What do you think I'm carrying here, a tadpole?
It's better to be sure. What if the situation's critical?
-Nurse, can you please attend to us? -[nurse] OK.
How are you feeling right now? Are you OK?
-OK. -Sure? Are you in pain?
Nurse, she is in pain. Her stomach is throbbing.
-[Nurse] Ma'am, what's your name? -Dimaculangan, Yumi.
-He's overreacting. It's just gas. -How does it feel?
Like gas.
Hello, Mama Flora. Are Greg and Michael Angelo still there?
[Flora] Yes, they're in your room.
I heard them arguing earlier about who will sleep beside you.
[Barbs] Why did you let them in?
You expect me not to?
I have three boyfriends
and hordes of admirers.
Barbs, may I remind you, your bed is no longer sturdy.
[in Taglish] It may not survive a threesome.
What time are you coming home?
[in Taglish] I rushed Yumi to the ER. She had to undergo lab tests.
-[in Taglish] We might get home late. -"We"? Why "we"?
Do you plan to bring that woman here?
[in Taglish] Mama Flora, please spare me the lecture.
I am so confused. I don't know what to do with my life.
Well, sometimes it's good to pray.
In case you've forgotten, the last church I went to
did not only force me to be straight, they also took advantage of me.
[Flora] That wasn't a real church.
And you don't need to be inside a church in order to pray.
If you're sincere, He will listen to you no matter where you are.
-Really? -Try it.
[in Taglish] Whatever. I will try to solve my own problems.
[in Taglish] I have to go now. I must keep Yumi company in the ER.
Go then.
OK.
Mama Mary?
With so many people praying to you, maybe you can't hear me.
You probably won't recognize me either.
[Trisha] Barbs.
-Hey. -Goodness!
[gasping]
[in Taglish] Mother? Mama Mary? I'm sorry! Sorry, you took me by surprise!
I shouldn't doubt you.
Since you called me by name, that means you recognize me.
-[Trisha] Idiot! -[in English] Yes, Mother.
Mother Mary, I really am an idiot.
[in Taglish] My goodness, I'm sorry. I'll always pray and go to church.
[in Taglish] I will be faithful to you.
[Trisha] You fool! This is Trisha.
[gasping]
Trisha, you bitch!
I nearly had a heart attack. What are you wearing?
[in Taglish] Is Mama Mary now part of your makeup transformation?
This is just for practice, I haven't perfected it.
Are you sure that Mama Mary is OK with that?
Well, even when I was still alive,
[in Taglish] I only impersonated those that I idolized.
[in Taglish] I imitate those that I really love.
[in Taglish] I'm sure Mama Mary is fine with it.
You're lucky, Trish. You're very happy where you are.
Look at me. I envy you.
And I really miss you.
You want me to ask the Lord to take you? That's easy!
[in Swardspeak] I don't want that. I still want to live.
There you go. So you still want to live.
I hope you also realize it's wonderful to be alive.
-Do you get it? -What?
Enough with the drama.
You know what? I'm not asking for much.
I want to become a real woman but there are so many problems
-and obstacles. -[Trish] Idiot.
What you're asking for isn't simple. You were born a man.
[in English] Fine. Let me rephrase.
I just want a quiet life.
Idiot. There's no such thing as a quiet life.
[in Taglish] If your life is quiet, then you are probably dead.
-[in English] Fine. Let me rephrase again. -All right.
[in Taglish] All I want is to be happy.
[in English] Wow. Big word. Happy.
[in Taglish] You have two boyfriends.
You even have a bonus girl. And you're still not happy?
Do you want me to punch you?
You know, Barbs, it's not becoming a woman,
it's not a quiet life,
[in Taglish] it's not even to be happy.
The thing you want is to be miserable. That's the truth.
Even if you get everything you ever wanted,
[in Taglish] you think that you don't deserve happiness.
Speechless?
[in Taglish] We get so mad at those who judge us,
but the truth is, we always judge ourselves.
[in Taglish] Even when we're happy, we judge ourselves.
So please! Stop being so dramatic.
Trish...
[in Taglish] Does Mama Mary have a special message for me?
What's with the impromptu appearances?
Do you want to stop me from doing what I want to do?
Trisha...
Why did you leave me?
If you were still around, my life wouldn't be such a mess.
I would probably be happier.
[gasps]
[in Taglish] I told you to stop being dramatic!
[in English] Sorry!
A couple of slaps to make sure you don't forget.
You can't hit me back. I'm Mama Mary.
-[equipment beeping] -[man speaking indistinctly over PA]
[in Taglish] So many lab tests, and all I have is gas.
Like I said, you were overreacting!
Let's go.
Are you OK? You look like you just saw a ghost.
Shall we go?
I saw a virgin.
What are you waiting for? Let's sleep now.
I'm sorry we can't all fit in my bed. Just bear with this for now.
The two of them are here every night?
Every night, every day. And it's not just the two of them.
There's also me and you. The four of us will all be together.
[chuckles] Shit! It's as if you have a harem.
What are you going to do, Barbs?
We are going to sleep. That's what we're going to do.
As for what we are going to do afterwards, I don't have a clue.
That's it.
I'm just thankful that you're all here sleeping beside me.
And even if you weren't, I'd still be grateful.
If I wake up with all of you still beside me, I'm going to rejoice!
[in English] Good night!
Hey. Move.
[gentle piano music]
Stop fighting. Let's go to sleep.